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Long Distance Girlfriend: What's happening?
Asked Jan 13, 2012, 02:59 AM
Me and her are a couple.
Been together since freshman year in high school.
She was a junior when I was a freshman. Two years older than me.
I am a senior now, and she is a sophomore in college.
But, in the 3rd quarter of my sophomore year, her parents bought her a plane ticket to Vero Beach, Florida. They told her that it was mandatory and inarguable for their decision to make her move. What's worse is that they only told her on the night before her flight. They bought a condominium already in the area near her university (FSU).
So, I found out my girlfriend was going to move without even the proper time to prepare for the devastation.
I live in San Diego, California.
DISTANCE FROM SAN DIEGO, CA TO VERO BEACH, FL:
Now, we kept contact and stayed together as much as we could, but:
1. There are other dudes there. I saw her parties and she wasn't really cuddling with dudes.
2. College life is outgoing. Sex, drugs, drinks, frats, sororities, and more sex.
3. She takes forever (8 mins) to text back, and sometimes it's because she's busy. Sometimes she doesn't even reply because she's so busy. She claims it's because she texts slow on the touch-screen. She claims she has a hectic schedule; it's work and school.
But, when she talks to me and texts me, it appears that she truly cares for me.
(we begin skyping this coming sunday, I call everyday on her break though she don't answer cos she gots to work on school then, I text her on the times she replied to me in the last times but she don't reply)
>photos removed for privacy<
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Senior Family & People Expert
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Jan 13, 2012, 05:27 AM
Nothing is happening except you are struggling with this change and letting insecure paranoid thought make you needy, and clingy. You are holding on to tight at perceived threats to the relationship. Expecting instant responses, and constant contact is clingy, and needy, and will lead to resentments, anger, and annoyance.
Relax dude, and stay calm, and disciplined as a strong male should, and show some patience and trust. You are getting carried away by fear, and making her pay the price of your fears.
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Jan 13, 2012, 09:30 PM
If you think 8 minutes is a long time for a text reply, you're probably too clingy. I sometimes don't look at my phone for a full 2 hours before I reply to people. I'd say on average maybe 15 minutes. But I understand because you really love her.
However, your life styles are drastically different. High school is nothing like college at all. Can you keep this long distance thing up for another 2 years? This might have worked if she hadn't moved because you'd have vacations together, but now I'm skeptical. What's your plan for when you go to college? How often do you see each other besides through the internet?
She may still love you but I think it may be time to let her go unless you have a solid long term plan that doesn't involve not seeing each other for 5 years (your senior year and 4 years of college not including gradschool) or see each other semi-frequently.
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Jan 25, 2012, 09:26 AM
You can't know for sure what's happening but you should recognize that it's very rare for a relationship at your ages and stages of life to last, and even moreso with this kind of distance.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I think you should stay in touch and be friendly but put the romantic commitment on ice and both date through college. You may well come back together later, but don't plan on it. She needs to be able to fully experience college and you need to do the same through the rest of high school and your own college career.
I went through this myself - on and off with the same man for 13 years in high school and college. We did get married - but not until after he married and divorced someone else - not until I was pushing thirty. I ended up divorced from him several years later.
In hindsight I wish I had not tried to maintain the relationship long term in high school and college with him over the distance and age difference, and wish instead that I had focused on having a good time where I was, meeting new people, dating people who were actually available to me, at the same point in their lives and education and with whom I could spend my time. I missed a lot of great opportunities holding out for the wrong guy, and didn't figure out he was the wrong guy because we didn't have enough chance to be together day to day to know.
You may feel she's the only one, but she's truly not, and if you feel distance from her, it probably is there. It's not her fault, nothing either of you can change - it's real, material fact that you are very far apart. It's unfortunate but truly, if not for this distance, you likely would have broken up for other reasons by now given that almost nobody stays with their high school girlfriend forever, particularly if there's a few years difference in age. Like when she is 21 and can get into clubs and you can't, or she's in a professional job and you're still a broke student. There's a big stigma, too, for a college kid to be going out with a high school kid - those things, until you are both out of college and working and back on the same playing field, would not give this relationship much chance even if she lived next door to you.
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Jan 25, 2012, 02:10 PM
You need to calm down and take a deep breath. Either you get used to how she has to live her life or you get her out of your life. She has goals, be supportive, trust her, she is doing something that is good for her and that should make you happy. One day it will be your turn to make sacrifices for your future, and you should be responsible enought to do them. However, right now is her time, and her schedule, if you become a "drag" she will have to let you go, especially because she seems to be ambitions. Taking long to respond to a text is normal, I for one probably respond with females I speak to about 2-4 hours later, is not that I am doing something wrong, I just have a lot of other things on my mind. If someone was rushing me, I would rather have peace of mind and let them go rather than to allow them to hold me back. Calm down, she seems to still want to be with you, give her the space she needs to be successful, and give yourself the time to work on your own goals. If you don't have any, start developing a plan, this couple years ahead of you are KEY as to how smooth the rest of your life with be, focus on your school and on YOUR decision, and let her focus on hers.
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