Hello. Happy Holidays to all.

I found out that my ex is in another relationship. She said that she didn't want a relationship with anyone when she left me, but I didn't believe her. I guess I was right. She probably said this because she "didn't want to hurt me". Fission Mailed. I'm not as upset or sick as I thought I would be, but that'll change.

I don't know what else to say....

jrussole

2 months is enough time to call her to say, Hi! Its enough time to tell her your feelings and that you will always care about her. Its enough time to start looking for someone else to care about. Its enough time to accept that all you can do is tell someone that you care about them and hope that someday they will realize what they lost. Its enough time to pick yourself up and find avenues of release. It is enough time to get busy doing other things than focusing on the woulda, shoulda's in life. Its enough time to tell yourself you are worthy of someone better. Its enough time to pat yourself on the back for caring about a person in spite of them not caring about you. Its enough time to hope for the future. Its enough to time to dream of the possibilities of a future full of hope and happiness. Its enough time to make a resolution upon a New Year and be free of any sort of confinement whether emotional and or physical that you have placed upon yourself in the past year.

BlazingCold

Very well said. Most of what you've said I actively do, like looking toward the future with anticipation instead of dread. I really am looking forward to 2007 as the birth of a second me.

Instead of calling her, maybe I should send a text message simply saying "Hi, and have a happy new year". I wonder if she would respond?

talaniman

This sounds like your letting your butt get comfortable on a pity pot, instead of doing the things you enjoy in life. NO CONTACT, until you can accept that she may well disappear from your life.
You must be a friend to yourself, before you can be one to any one else. NO CONTACT, you don't sound healthy enough to handle a friendship with this female, as your feelings still run strong and you are holding on and in denial that you re still healing. Sorry, but don't retard your good progress in a moment of weakness.

jrussole

Nah, she isn't worth your energy. But if in your opinion she is, I would make it more personal. A call, a flower w/short note at her door. A note in the mail. Just to let her know, what she'll be missing! lol

BlazingCold

You know my story, You know what I've been through. How can I not be healthy enough to have a friendship? I do consider myself a great friend.

I know she can just write me off for the rest of her life, and that I may never see her again. But does that mean I can't try to at least say something to her?


You and talaniman give opposing advice. What you say screams of desperation and it may give her the impression that I want her back. I do not (besides, she hates flowers). I just want to let her know that I haven't forgotten about her. She knowswhat she's missing, and by her being with someone else, it doesn't seem like it's affecting her too much.

jrussole

All I can say is the relationships that have stuck with me through the years of "why" I made that choice or "why" he made that choice for break-up are the ones that made me think twice, just even once. For example: As young kids, we would play "run, catch, kiss". Later we would play, "spin the bottle". After that we played, "the dating game". I found Rob to stick on me. Like glue. Years later, we found our paths. Went on a real date and had dinner. I wasn't interested in having a relationship with anyone at that point in my life. Too busy with college and a career. And I told him as such. He was heart broken. And told me as such. But the one thing that still makes me wonder about him for time to time, is that note he left at my front door one day. He told me that he will always love me. He misses the days of running, catching and kissing me, as well as spinning the bottle hoping it would land on me. And how he wished that I would have just given him a chance. Now that guy, will always pop into my head- from time to time, when I am pissed at my husband!!! Can't help it, I'm human!

BlazingCold

That makes a lot of sense. But are you in still in contact with this guy? I could do this, but it's not what I want. She knows the good times we had together and (hopefully) she will not forget them. I didn't want to talk to her for some time. Now I do. Maybe because I feel a sense of "closure" now that she's with someone else.

talaniman

I know your story very well and sorry to sound so cruel about it. I think it does more harm than good to contact your ex in any way right now and if you check for yourself, the threads in this forum where the holiday season has people dwelling on the past and wondering should I just tell her Happy New year? Understandable, but see how you feel in 30 days. After the holidays and when the emotional dust has settled. Whats the hurry?

As a guy I have sat in your seat and from what you wrote here ,its all about her and her perceptions and not you and your motivations.
I feel your need for her to acknowledge you is misplaced and not healthy at this point in time. She knows you have not forgotten her and if she doesn't who cares at this point. Not in you interest to remind her you still care. Not healthy in my opinion, but only you can say what you will or need to do. I say continue with no contact.

jrussole

I know Rob went on to become a famous and awesome person. He is a very talented bassist in a band. And he dedicates his life to helping others, as well. We are not in touch any longer. But I know, that he will always have a special place in my heart. It's been about 25 years since he left that note at my door. I believe there are memories of people that have touched our lives, that will never come un-glued. Especially, the important ones.

If you will feel a sense of closure. Than it maybe something that you can do for you. Not her. It may make you feel better. I am sure that if I asked Rob today if sending me that note with a flower made him feel better and gave him closure, he would probably tell me it did. But that memory has stuck with me, like glue- I will admit to that.

BlazingCold

You are right. Maybe this was only a moment of weakness. I will continue with no contact. I don't need to prove to her that I still care, I always will.

I think this all spawned from her having a new bf. I felt that since she's already with another person, it would be easier to just forget all about me. I wanted to show her that I was above all of that, and that even though she's found someone else, I would still care and love her.




Man, that sounds really stupid after thinking about it. Thanks for saving me from myself.


It would only make me feel better it she said she still loves and cares about me, and then proceded to call me and want to talk to me on a regular basis. If that didn't happen, I would be devastated.