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This is quite a long story, so please bear with me I really need advice.
Ok, I was on a nite out with friends and as the nite was ending I turned to my right and made eye contact with this beautiful looking girl. I never usually approach girls but this time I did as she smiled at me and made me feel at ease. The conversation we had was great and we really clicked, we never kissed that night but she asked for my number and she did indeed txt me.
I was so happy she did and texting between us continued. I then bumped into her the next week in the same place and we kissed. Got on great again, she said she never usually goes with any random guy and usually knows them for a while 1st. I then text her drunk and told her how much I liked her, everything just seemd great and she made out she felt the same.
As time went on she told me on many occasions how much she liked me but I hardly ever seen her due to her work, as she worked evenings and I worked days.
She basically had mon,tue and sat off but said she only really had sat to have a nite out with friends. She is turning 21 and me 27 so I was wary of the age gap but thought it wouldnt be an issue.
The relationship she was in before she never saw her frinds as her ex wouldnt let her so she felt trapped. I found myself never getting to see her, if I did it would be once every 1-2 weeks. This was getting to me and I moaned a little about how I never saw her. She then said She wanted things more casual and not put a time scale on when we would nxt see each other, but still wanted to see me. So i agreed but was getting confused with her txting saying she missed me or phoning me all the time but hardly ever arranging to see me.
One time I was on the phone to her and her 2nd ex txt her and she went all weir don the phone and said she has to go. All i got was a message saying "im so sorry", I then spoke to her and she made it clear she was over her ex. She was honest and told me that when she met her recent ex she cheated on him with her 1st long term boyfriend as she still loved him and basically missed him when with some1 else. This worried me but I thought its nothing to do with me I just need to show her im better.
Over time i was getting tired of not getting to see her and called it off, she wanted to sort things and we did. it continued as usual i called it off aagain but i bumped into her on a nite out and we kissed. She would speak to me saying she felt there was no chemistry between us but gets on great with me and feels so relaxed. She would always say she had no time cause of work but to me she had three days where I could have seen her at som point. When we kissed after me calling it off she txt me saying things like "i dont usually kiss my pals" and "ur getting me to like u again, not good". I just took this as her playing hard to get and we continued to meet up whenever she liked.
A few weeks ago I went round to her house and we go quite close and everything seemed great, i was so happy. she then anted to go out with me that week and we did. The nite was going great then she disappeared to the toilet in a nightclub for overy 20mins. she then came out and 10 mins later wanted to go home, she left the taxi and all she could say was "im so sorry" im obviously confused again. she said she was just drunk and felt ill, so i let it be.
The final straw came when we were on the phone i shouted and acted silly about her not making any effort to see me and accusing her of daft thing, i was just really hurt and said things out of character. within that week she called me and said it was finished and she just wanted to be with her friends and seen a side to me that reminds her of her possesive ex, and also there was no connection between us.
She wanted to stay friends and i agreed but i was just hoping things would change. she then txt me drunk one nite making out she still liked me bu the next day aplogised and hoped we hadnt ruine our friendship. I decided I couldnt be friends as its too hurtful for me. My problem is I am totally confused as to whether i was liked and should i have stayed freinds in the hope that we would meet up again get together again.
Im really hurting and have taken this personally, she asked me if i was still coming to her birthday party and said I couldnt and i havent heard from her since, i cant stop thinking about her, cant sleep right and im gutted. My freinds tell me she just didnt want a relationship and when she seen it getting serious she called it a day.
Should i be friends with her and accept she just wasnt ready???
How do i get over this feeling of rejection and not feeling good enough???
I feel i blame myself for shouting cause of the way things were and not creating that chemistry she was wanting.
Sorry for the long story but any advice would be greatly appreciated
Yes its going to be hard. But you can do it! The key is to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyne26
The hardest thing to swallow will be seeing her with some1 else
Thats going to be hard, yes of course. So basically do not go where you will see her. This is why its important to not go near the 'grape vine' and to abide by NC.
The hardest thing to swallow will be seeing her with some1 else
Yes your right and you will handle it by accepting that you don't have a relationship with her. She does as she please and so do you. Its all part of moving forward.
Yes its going to be hard. But you can do it! The key is to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied.
Thats going to be hard, yes of course. So basically do not go where you will see her. This is why its important to not go near the 'grape vine' and to abide by NC.
We stay in different areas so I wouldnt see her often. I just keep feeling I am to blame for this. She said there were things she didnt like about me. I admit I do have one or two faults. The week b4 we ended I shouted down the phone at her accusing her of nonsense, and how frustrated i was at her lack of effort to see me. She said she also didnt like the way I would ask some questions over and over again, which is my insecure side which i hate. I wish i could prove to her im not like this, she said these actions were like that of her ex and thats a road she doesnt want to go down again.
Am i wrong in saying I should respect her wishes to be friends as i blame myself or do you think i have reason to act the way i did?
We all have our ways, so what? Stop feeling guilty, and get your life together, and learn from the experience. If you made a mistake, acknowledge it, and file it away, and don't repeat it, since now you know better. Until you get healthy and less emotional about her, then being friends is out of the question, leave her alone for now, and heal.
I was out last nite with some friends and I seen her friends, but she wasnt there. Obviously im thinking about her, I dunno if its a bad idea to turn up with another woman and let her see what she is missing. I know this isnt good on the other person but she just wants a casual thing anyway.
I want to see her look over and get jealous, trouble is this could hurt more if she doesnt even bother.
Playing games with others feelings is not recommended. It is petty small and short sighted. More than likely it can come back to bite you in the azz. Better to being enjoying yourself and getting over her.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyne26
I was out last nite with some friends and I seen her friends, but she wasnt there. Obviously im thinking about her, I dunno if its a bad idea to turn up with another woman and let her see what she is missing. I know this isnt good on the other person but she just wants a casual thing anyway.
I want to see her look over and get jealous, trouble is this could hurt more if she doesnt even bother.
Playing this game is a dangerous move and like tal said could end up backfiring on you.
hi there.
If she has had possesive boyf in the past she will be standing back waiting for it to happen again and maybe why she kept her distance.
You have to start loving your self b4 you can start loving someone else or you will always be looking at things negativly.
Go out and have fun enjoy your self have some time for you and to figure what you want out of life.
Its hard to let go of something that you felt was close to you in your heart and will take time but aint no use in sitting on ya own and keep going over it will only drive ya mad.
if you see her out be yourself say hi will be hard but at least you know that you aint the same as the others if she can see that you aint being of with her and giveing her that preasure maybe things will build up again in time.
but make sure you do your own thing and your not always waiting for that next moment to see her. give her the space she is looking for and let her come to you that way you know that it is something that she wants and not what you have pushed on her.
At 21 women are all for having a good time going out having a laugh spending time with friends and doing the girly things togeather. she dont want to feel preasured speshialy if thats how she has felt in the past.
Like i say let her come to you if thats what she wants but dont build hopes up as you never know whats round the corner.
i hope my waffling helps ya think about it in different ways always best to cover things from every angle and choose your self what road you want to take.
hi there.
If she has had possesive boyf in the past she will be standing back waiting for it to happen again and maybe why she kept her distance.
You have to start loving your self b4 you can start loving someone else or you will always be looking at things negativly.
Go out and have fun enjoy your self have some time for you and to figure what you want out of life.
Its hard to let go of something that you felt was close to you in your heart and will take time but aint no use in sitting on ya own and keep going over it will only drive ya mad.
if you see her out be yourself say hi will be hard but at least you know that you aint the same as the others if she can see that you aint being of with her and giveing her that preasure maybe things will build up again in time.
but make sure you do your own thing and your not always waiting for that next moment to see her. give her the space she is looking for and let her come to you that way you know that it is something that she wants and not what you have pushed on her.
At 21 women are all for having a good time going out having a laugh spending time with friends and doing the girly things togeather. she dont want to feel preasured speshialy if thats how she has felt in the past.
Like i say let her come to you if thats what she wants but dont build hopes up as you never know whats round the corner.
i hope my waffling helps ya think about it in different ways always best to cover things from every angle and choose your self what road you want to take.
Lez x
Yeah I know everything you say makes sense. At that age I felt the same and I can uderstand wanting to be with friends. The bit im struggling with is she wanted to stay friends and not be in a relationship. The question I continually go over in my head is Should i be friends because i understand her situaion and her views at this time and she wants to have fun or is the no contact rule the best. I keep thinking she aint really done anything wrong so why should i not be friends, i was totally cool with being casual with her but as soon as i acted like an arse i got chucked. I regret so much for the way i showed my frustration and it would not happen again.
I think to myself if i stay friends i am keeping my options open but still getting on with other things in life.
IF I CUT ALL CONTACT THERE WILL BE NO HOPE?????????????????
Well I would wait a month or two, give you time to think before you start chatting again. I would keep it light - maybe over msn or something! In the mean time move on.
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