He was my world. now its so complicated

Miss-Fairy · #1 May 22, 2007, 03:28 PM

heya,

there are so many parts to this problem that its all going to get very muddled.

OK basically me and this guy had been best mates for about 2 years before we started going out. He had trouble in a past relationship with a girl who he almost killed himself over, i intervened and pulled him out of his depression, we dated for 18 months before it ended at the begining of this month.

through that time we went through so much to be together, he moved out of his childhood home because his mother couldn't share him with me and was pulling holes in our relationship, she split us up once and after that we weren't as strong. It was around this time that i had a miscarriage and lost our first baby, i was deverstated and it completely changed me, i lost who i was and that had a detrimental effect on our relationship.

Since the brake up we have broken up a few more times but only for a day, a week at the most before we missed eachother so much that we got back together. This time however it has been almost three weeks since he sent me a text telling me that i no longer made him happy.

A week after that i found out i was pregnant (it could only be his since i have never slept with anybody else) i didnt want to tell him as he said in his last text that he felt i always blackmailed him into staying which simply isnt true as on the brake ups i have always let him make the first move to come back and have never pressured him into staying.

A friend of mine told him for me and he rang me shortly after, accusing me of cheating on him and lying that i was actually pregnant.

this broke my heart as we had been so close, he then told me that he was seeing someone else that made him so happy, which again broke my heart because i knew he'd be with her and shes replacing me.

In his phone call he seemed to genuinely care about me once he'd done his whole matcho thing and he could tell i was really upset. this confused me more as if he still cares for me why has he dumped me the day after our 18 month anniversary and a few weeks after he asked me to marry him.

I had an abortion yesterday as I am off to teaching in Ghana for 3 months and knew i wouldn't be able to cope with a baby, he was supposed to be coming with me to Ghana and i found plans in a draw of his flat where he'd been making plans to give me my dream wedding on the beach out there.

I'm so confused i want this guy back so much and i have no idea what to do. i know i should probably move on he's been a head but i know that i lost who i was i became clingy and i wasnt the girl he feel in love with, i've found her again now and i want to show him that i just dont know how to go about contacting him, or even if i should contact him.

sorry for the novel of waffle

Bekz x

chuff · May 22, 2007, 04:32 PM

I don't think you have found yourself yet. Your still clingy and your still searching for the void that he left and you flat out admit your confused. You then ask how you can prove it to him. You should never have to prove that you've changed, it should just come naturally with age and life experience. But if you have to change to appease him then he's not worth it. To change who you are for someone else is not fair to you, OR HIM. If you change but it's not consistent with who you trully are then you've got nothing to really offer him other then a false love. That's not fair to either of you.

To be honest I think your time away is going to be a blessing in disguise because it will put you in a new enviroment for awhile and you'll be exposed to new people and new things. Plus it may truly help you find yourself. Take advantage of it and enjoy it, maybe when you come back things will be better, or maybe they will never happen but you'll at least be in a more emotionally stable place.

I would wait until after your

Miss-Fairy · May 23, 2007, 03:50 PM

heya,

tonight i got asked out by a guy who's been popping up at work alot im really not interested but we went out after work, and its made me realise how much i truely love my ex and how much i want to sort out our 5 year freidnship and 18 month relationship.

we ahve been appart now for almost a month and i am off to ghana for three months really soon, i still am madly in love with me ex but more than that i miss talking to my best mate (i.e him) for five years we had barely gone a da with out talking and i cant tsk not talking to him it hurts so much there are lil things i jsut want to tell him silly things that i cant say to anymone else.

my question is whats the best way to get back in contact with him, i know he is with someone else and i do care for him alot and dont want to ruin this relatioship for him if it is making him happy but at the same time i know i made him happy things jsut got a little tough.

I don't think i could handle a phone call right now, he called me about 2 weeks ago and he sounded like he cared so much even beind the i'm with some one else when he knew i was upset he chatted to me made sure i was ok, i really really really believe that we have sometihng very speacial together and we ahve been thriugh everything together my memories are full of us and i need to know how best to apprach getting in contact with him and when might be the best time for me to do it... before i go away.... send something from when i am away.... o when i get back. really dont know how to

go about this thanx xxx

Kittykingston · May 23, 2007, 05:39 PM

sometimes when a relationship ends, you need to remember why it did. Its ok to miss him and to remember the good times but he seems to have moved on and so should you. Now if he feels the same way you do, I guarantee you that you both will be back together at some point - if you were meant to be together - you will be. In the meantime, use the separation to find out who you are and what you want in a relationship. Rebounding to another relationship isn't the answer either. Maybe being in Ghana will be the best thing for this relationship and for you. Good luck.

mckenzie134 · May 23, 2007, 06:38 PM

People who say if you are meant to be together you will be!!!! This is definately not true and if anyone believes yhis they live in a fantasy world. A relationship has to be worked on you have to learn ways to work on it and what works best for you and it is alot of the time what you do in the relationship to make the other person happy. Happiness is not always achieved my giving everything possible to your partner you can make them feel that they want you more byu giving them space and doing your own things. absence makes the heart grow fonder. You have obviously realised in your time apart how much he means to you and those litte things you want to tell him which you do not share with others is a huge part of both yopur lives. DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO SAY HE IS AN EX FOR A REASON NORMALLY THEY DONT KNOW THE SITUATION OR THEY JUST SAY MOVE ON. IF YOU WANT HIM BACK YOU HAVE TO LEARN SOME LOVE TACTICS AND REALISE WHY THE RELATIONSHIP WENT THE WAY IT DID. MAYBE SOMEONE WAS TOO NEEDY TOO JEALOUS WANTED TO SPEND TO MUCH TIME WITH THE OTHER ...NOT GIVE FREEDOM.

You need to allow him to ghave space and this will make him miss you and feel for you the love you want.

I would definately give him a call before you go and set something up. You have to get in before you go and then when you go away this will allow him to miss you and realise how much he wants you when you are gone. Give him a call and organise a time to meet keep it simple ask him how hius been see where it goes...

By the way please let us know who broke up with who and why???

Skell · May 23, 2007, 07:40 PM

Did you break up with him or he with you?

Miss-Fairy · May 24, 2007, 01:05 AM

he broke up with me, we were going through a bit of a rough patch, he was struggling with money, and i was still suffering with the loss of our baby (i misscarried about 8 months ago) and hadn't really come to terms with it, and yeah it did make me needy, i kind of lost that person that i was, but iv found her now and i really want to get back to the amazing relationship we had before things got tense over the misscarriage and money.

i was thinking maybe id write him a letter from out in ghana, rememinding him of all the good times all the happy memories that we shared, even through the tough times we never stoped laughing. He broke up with me saying he wasnt happy anymore, which confused me greatly as the night before he was on the phone to me all night telling me how happy he was and how much he loved me, i woke up to the top ten reasons why he loved me but went to sleep that night heart broken not really understanding what was going on.

when he rang me he really upset me and i told him to leave me alone and hung up, i couldnt bare listedning to him talk about soe other girl, and i dont know if shes real, or if he's trying to make me jealous. if she is real do you rekon it would last?

I agree with mckenzie on the whole if your meant to be thing, we worked so damn hard to be together, he moved out of his childhood home for us i gave up my education for a year 9i go back to college in sept) so as we could save up for our own flat together.

he wasked me to marry him and was gonig to come to ghana with me. It all seems very strange that its ended considering what a huge part of eachothers lives we were.

do you think he misses me even if hes shagginging

some one else? x

Miss-Fairy · May 24, 2007, 10:31 AM

same story. two chapters.



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