I'm back again on here...

So my fiance and me are having major issues and most of them in my opinion could probably be resolved..

Problems I have with my fiance.

1.) Last (nearly) 2 months we've seen each other maybe 6-10 days total... We have had very little passion and sex in our relationship in these two months... She claims that by working her two jobs (over 100 hours) that she doesn't have time to always see me and/or the energy for sex... Ok, I understand being tired... I really do, but there comes a point when you should realize you are destroying a relationship by working to much and not giving your partner what they need (to a point at least)..... The lack of sex, passion, and desire is really bothering me... I've talked to her about it numerous times and she just gets all pissy at me and says that she is working to pay off her bills so we can have more time together in the future... Ok, thats sweet, but the future won't get here unless the now is in good shape right???? She doesn't seem to understand that...

2.) Our communication (as you can guess from above) is a bit rigid... about 3/4 of the times I talk to her, I get anger or frustration in her voice... It usually is in result of me saying why are things like this, what can we do to fix it, etc.....

So out of these two major problems, I have had numerous thoughts and dreams of us ending our relationship and leaving... The problem is that I do love her with all my heart and want to work out these simple (yet she makes complex) issues... I've been trying my hardest and it really is wearing me out.... Do I fight the good fight for another month or so (she should be working a bit less and better hours starting this week) or should I just can this relationship? I put a ring on her finger about 4 months ago when things were at a good pace in every aspect of our relationship (not perfect, but good)... I don't want to give up on her, but I don't want to destroy myself...

Thoughts?

manga

putting a ring on her finger shows commitment and just caning the relationship might just tell her you're not going to be there for her through hard times. Have you tried surprising her to a night of sex instead of the regular routine with the lights off? She might be so sick of working and wouldn't mind something different in her regular schedule. not so sure what she is like.

her anger and frustration might be stemming from you not understanding? yet you have been patient with her.

jeremy4719

Let me put it like this... I can't suggest sex without getting her all bothered because I want it... It doesn't matter what kind of sex, place, etc... She's too tired and exhausted because of her work... She thinks I should TOTALLY understand and be able to deal with this... I'm a strong person, but to totally live without sex with your fiance after a year of regular 2-3 times a week, is ridiculous... She's pushing our relationship to the edge over this and it really makes me mad... Her attitude is not very possitive most the time anyways.... I'm so frustrated on this entire ordeal... I've tried being patient, but no matter how hard I try, a few later I usually say something suggestive and then WAM she gets all bothered that I don't understand... How the hell can anyone say that when it takes all of my being to hold back and not reveal that I want her?

manga

I can sense your frustration and I have been in your position. my way around it was just be abstinent and have faith, it's harder said than done. If everything else is going great why let sex get in the way of destroying the relationship. She's doing what she needs to get done and even communicating to you about the future to be there for you.

Except I wasn't patient enough in my situation and gave me a huge heartbreak.

brandy681

This is terrible and I don't know why you go on like this.. I know that you love her but it seems as though she may have another guy that she is seeing or interested in. You may suggest seeing a conuselor, allthough she may refuse but this is about all you can do. If you can't sit and talk about it than what is the point! The longer you stay in this relationship the harder and longer it will take to get over her and move on. Do not let her use you, it seems like you are hanging on because you love her but she may not care for you or she's hanging on for a back up plan or for support or something!

talaniman

I do remember you, and your workoholic female.
From where I sit, and what you've written, I wholeheartedly agree.
Obviously from your point of view, which I know to be selfish, and biased, and all about you.
She is right , those are brutal exhausting hours for anyone to work.
I can understand and feel you pain, and lonelyness too.
A goal thats worthy, but how come she is doing this alone, when you both should be working together. Seems if you helped with the load, she wouldn't have to work so hard and you'd have more time to rest and enjoy each other more.
Seems you to don't agree about what's important now. Or the future for that matter.
Help her work for the future, would be my suggestion.
There goes the relationship, your looking for the easy way out.
You mean working them out to your satisfaction? Do you even know what she wants?
It looks from here that she is doing the work and you the complaining. But all that beeyaching is hard work isn't it?
If you aren't willing to work together to the benefit of both, why bother? Did you ever think of following her lead, and help her secure a better future for you both?
You've already given up for the simple reason you refuse to listen to what she has told you, and aren't busting your butt as she has, for the benefit of the relationship.
You better have one good excuse for letting your female do the work, while you beeyatch about your own lousy needs. I bet you aren't even thinking of her needs are you? I would love to hear what she says abut your lazy arse. Do you at least rub her feet, or cook or anything??

Sorry guy as I really can't see you as a good willing long term mate, and I think she will resent you for being selfish while she is trying to build a life. Please tell me why you are not helping get rid of thos bills, so you can have a more secure future?? I am just curious.

Those that cannot work together with their partners, get kicked to the curb.

jeremy4719

Everyone, here is my update..

We talked a bit tonight... We both got some of this off of her chest... I told her that I won't bother her about much of anything in the passion, sex, or communication departments for the next few weeks while she transitions to a more "normal" 2nd shift... Less hours... More sleep... She & I agree that this will hopefully (and most likely) take care of our recent problems... Thank you for your kind words and help.. I'll keep you updated...


Talaniman...
I think it is funny that you can sit here and say I don't listen to her, or do things for her? You do not know me, you do not know what I do for her. I help her by providing her a place to crash when she can't drive home, I rub her head and play with her hair and help her go to sleep when she can't, I buy her dinner as well as make it on occassion, I take her medicine and soup when she's sick, I give her all the love she could ever want and desire and more... How dare you say i'm selfish for wanting a relationship that is filled with passion and more..

I love this woman with all my heart and would do just about anything for her... Our relationship has had numerous ups and downs, but I'm still here and so is she! I will spend every bit of energy and ounce of love to keep "us" ... It may or may not work out, but I can at least say I gave it my all!

talaniman

You still haven't answered the question of why you aren't bustin' your butt to help pay that debt, that will benefit you as well as her???

jeremy4719

1.) She would not ever let me do that.. She is the kind of person that says I made the debt, I pay it...

2.) I have my own debt that I'm trying to pay.

Trust me if I could afford to help her in addition to what I already do, I would... Welcome to 2007 where money doesn't grow on trees! That comes in 2009

talaniman

If you love this woman as you say, then please put those earthly needs on the back burner, and do whatever it takes to help and support. Just me, because she wont let you help with her debt, doesn't mean I wouldn't. What you are going thru now is not permanent and I have to say you have one strong, independant, dedicated female on your side and I respect her greatly, so if I have come harsh that is only a reflection of the respect I have for a hard working female. AND YOU BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT.