I know better, and you guys are going to want to beat me up.

High Max · #1 Oct 28, 2008, 02:04 PM

After close to three months of NC, I break it on her birthday (October 16th) to call her and say happy birthday. I get her voicemail and leave a message saying that I hope she has a good birthday. I have a friend, and she called her number for me today, and it said that the number is out of service.

Basically, she changed her number after I left that message. I just missed having her in my life, she was like a best friend to me. It wasn't even like I was badgering her or bugging her, I barely spoke with her after our breakup. Just to have her up and change her number like this hit me hard today for some reason, when I had been doing so well.

I want so much for her to know how sorry I am for hurting her and being a bad boyfriend, and that I'd do anything to take back how I treated her when she needed me most. I've been really struggling guys. The anger and pain is more at MYSELF for ruining things, not her. How do I forgive MYSELF for what I've done?

aaj2008 · Oct 28, 2008, 02:08 PM

oh oops NC means no contact..didnt see that

h0llister · Oct 28, 2008, 02:09 PM

you didnt do anything wrong!! ..maybe shes still really hurt because of the breakup or maybe she was changing the number for another reason.. dont worry , move on. just dont wish her merry christmas or anything. you tried and she ignored it. now you need to ignore her !

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 02:12 PM

Oh no, you guys may not have read it correctly. We broke up in JULY and have not been in contact much at all since then. On her birthday I called to tell her that I hope she had a good birthday and that I still miss some of the good times we shared.

After I left the message, her number was no longer in service. She changed it. I have no way of contacting her now, it's truly over, there is truly no hope. I will have to concede to my fate now.

lady_rose · Oct 28, 2008, 02:22 PM

I suppose she doesn't want you to contact her since she changed her #. I would say its time to let go and move on.. I know its hard, but time heals all ....

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 02:25 PM

Yeah, probably. It just seems brash to change your number for that reason..

JBeaucaire · Oct 28, 2008, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by High Max

Yeah, probably. It just seems brash to change your number for that reason..

Nah, that's as good a reason as any to change it. You know that.

Quote:

The anger and pain is more at MYSELF for ruining things, not her. How do I forgive MYSELF for what I've done?

You forgive yourself by remembering what you did and making sure you don't repeat it with future girlfriend(s). That's it.

The only way you REALLY can show growth is to do better next time. There is no going back. Backwards is forever tainted with the sins of the past, so keep your eyes ahead.

Next year on her birthday, call your mom instead and tell her what a great mom she is.

TrueFaith · Oct 28, 2008, 04:34 PM

Oh dear

No more fall backs!

High Max · Oct 28, 2008, 05:42 PM

Sorry guys. I've always blamed myself for a lot of things and have a really hard time letting go of my sins and mistakes. It's something I really struggle with. I played a pivotal role in ruining her relationship with her dad and step mom and her step sister, and it makes me feel awful.

Kati-Katt · Oct 28, 2008, 06:04 PM

If you want to forgive yourself your going to have to find it within yourself and face that what has happened can't be changed, and to improove on not doing that in the future. It's harsh that she changed her number, but maybe did you think you deserved it? Relationships usually don't end up as friendships after things are said and done unfortunately, but try to show her you can change, and don't promise anything you can't keep.