i miss him
it's been months already!
true,i've calmed down,i'm not crying anymore...and sometimes,when i do feel like crying,i can control it.baby steps.but the fact that i still think about him...i can't really have fun and laugh like i used to..this concerns me.am i going to feel like half of my self is dead forever?!
i am interested in other people,but nothing hits off
i went out with someone a week ago.i wasn't interested in him,but i needed socializing and being treated nicely.it was okay,i felt good...
...but.but but but.it's not the same.i feel empty.i'm not smiling full-heartedly.
two months ago i saw him,my ex,so i said hello&asked what he was doing.he wasn't looking at me in the eye and seemed to be nervous and avoid conversation.when i realized,we really don't have anything to talk about anymore.after ''hello how are you'' i didn't know what to say anymore.so i just walked away.
3 weeks ago he gave me a call,but i missed it.when i rang him back,he rejected my call.and that was it.i haven't seen him since that awkward moment,2 months ago.and i'm (still)wondering why did he call me and then REJECT.that was so wrong.when i think about it,sometimes it drives me nuts,as in despair,and sometimes nuts as in disgusted.
would it be unproper for me to ask him why the hell did he do that?i am going to see him at a party.should i chat with him or just be polite,say hi,and walk away? after all,that phone thing really hints to me that he doesn't deserve my attention,my tears,not even my spit.but still,i miss him and i would like to talk to him.and ask him about that call.what would be ok?

Scleros

Your post brought back memories. Consequently, I advise against any contact as it would only prolong your pain. What if he were to tell you "Oh, my goof, I was drunk and called out of habit"; how would you feel? There probably isn't even a rational explanation, and nothing to gained by knowing a why. If you were the dumpee, he should be sober and beating your door down for you to even consider taking him back. Ignore him at the party.

As for the hollowness, find something to hug - random guy (make his day!), cat, dog, stuffed animal - and have a good cry; don't try to control it. Bottling it up only makes it take longer to get it all out.

*hug* it will get better...