Well friends, after 3 years and 4 months of relationship, and about a buch of problems and harsh things I believed it would be different, my relationship with this girl end. It was her decision. She took a cold actitute since I lied to her, about a meeting i was having the other day, instead I left earlier so I can go to cure my goldfish. I know that sounds silly, i known the fact that a lie is lie but she start acusing me that i was with another girl bla bla bla. with her caracteristic and overreacted distrust. I wanna add the fact that she recognized me the other day a lie she was keeping me about a time when we split (her decision on that time again) about a guy she told me she kissed. So when we get back together she told me: no, i haven't be with anybody, then, after couple of months, she call me to my office crying and saying: i have to tell you the truth, yes i was with someone else, and i want you to know from me instead from others. And now, after 2 years, she told me: ok, i lie, i hadnt kiss any guy that time, I just told you that cuz i though you were with someone else. (and she watched me suffering for that fact for all that time) Cu cu cu cu !!!!

Well, and now, im the beast!!! I lied (even i recognized the same moment to her) for 30 minutes for going to put a pill on my fish (who actually died even my efforts to save him), and she just told me: I dont want to be with you, i cant trust you no more, you lied to me so much!!
This is 4 or 5 time she break with me, and im just tired (I'm not the kind of person who crawls back to her begging for taking me back, when she breaks with me). Im just tired... of her distrust, her hypervigilance, i known that i have been good man to her, I just feel not recognized by any of my qualities that i have or for the life we created. I just feel she was looking for a little straw on my behavior to throw the fire over me. And tell me, it's your fault.

For those who are kind to follow my story:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...-ii-48258.html

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...-ii-48258.html

She break up with me today because of that, i came to her house to talk to her, listen to her and tell her how i feel about what's hurting me about her lies neglected to me and try to persuade her about her decision but she... used everything i said for wiping ... the floor. I just ask her and tell her we can work it out, she said no. I ask her if she's secure about that, she said yes. I just left her place.

I know that im no sheep, and i dont want to present myself as one, but i just feel AT THE END that she's forcing me to put the wolf disguise.

I know i still love her, and i know i dont want to break up with her, but also i know all her accusations the things she made me thru arent sane and healthy. I just feel i have to move on now!! this is too much abuse.

I just have erased her numbers and emails and contacts by now. I dont want any regreat from her. But i need to be strong. Funny she saying the same thing. but she never even try to solve things out.

Looking for suport here fellas.. I think this is it but some black clouds are comming for my days. hopefully not for so long..

jeffatl

I think you are missing the point here. She feels that if you are going to lie about something so "silly" what else are you going to lie about? HONESTY is KEY!!! If you get busted on a stupid lie, a woman will always think you are lying about a serious situation. Buck up buddy and admit your stupidity here. If you can, get her to laugh at you for it. It sounds like she already has trust issuses with you, and this didn't help. Be smart here, you might still be able to salvage this relationship. Give her time to be mad at you, don't contact her until she is ready to talk.

Makiavelic76

Thanks jeffatl, hmm yes i admited my mistake to her. But It feels unfair. This was just a trigger. What about her lies to me? and what lies!!! It feels unfair. I trust her many times and give her chance to gain my trust on huge issues. And she just put me on the freezer cuz i lied about a stupidity!!!??? Many times when I give her time to be mad, the result is even wrost. Like today, if I dont call her, (cuz I was resented with her cuz the day before i was sick and i ask her for a ride to a doctor and she just told me I can't!!! -her classic behavior when she mad at me she didnt care if i live or die-) it's because i dont care about her, she says. And when I come to look for her, hmmm it's too late now! she says. Always the same thing. And the end, i'm the moster of the movie.
Yes, I give her all the time she needs to be mad with me, braking up with me. ok, i dont see that comming but what i got left or to loose? my dignity? never.

jeffatl

I think you need to calm down a little, and think about what might have been the "trigger" for this then. Also, if you guys BOTH don't have a relationship where you can be honest with one another, what is the point of having a relationship in the first place? I would never say give up your dignity, never. Maybe it would be best to just let this one go. It seems like you both keep tabs on who has done what to eacthother, and that is just a situation waiting for a constant fight. Im sure she has lied to you, and you should never be made out as the monster for this because its obvious that this wasn't the whole reason for the break up. It sounds like this girl doesn't know what she wants, and both of you are being kind of childish about this whole thing, and I see how that can happen in a relationship where nothing you do is the right thing, and you are always being scored on what you do and don't do. I would say be the bigger person in this one and just ask for a straight answer, if she can't give it to you, walk away bud. If you don't, this is just going to be one giant headache after another. I want to clarify, I don't think you are a bad person in any way, it just sounds like things have gotten a little out of control for you, and this girl seems to really be turning the screws on you. My opinion, doesn't seem woth the trouble. Relationships like this never last long, or end well. I would never let another person like that in my life, who needs it? I'm sure you care about one another, but you guys just don't seem right.

Makiavelic76

Thanks for still being around Jeff. I'm just fresh now. It doesnt hurt like the other times she broke with me, but i guess im shock yet. And yes, thats is exactly what i feel now: Quoting you: it just sounds like things have gotten a little out of control for you, and this girl seems to really be turning the screws on you.
I just need to convince my self, that I tried all I could to have a stable life with her. Tried until she left me.
To convince myself that she hurt me, and i hurt her, but she never care to solves things really. Just to put some dust over them and go on, it was her style.
To convince my self that i should move on, no matter if she get back to me AGAIN.
And to implement that move on process (step by step) according to the further situations i could experience because of her.
I will be around too... until I raise again... someday.
Thank u for the warm honesty

Makiavelic76

Oh man, this time im amazed by her determination.. maybe she feels too sure about my feelings for her or maybe she's frogjumpin around.. hard to swallow.

jeffatl

The problem you have run into here is, this girl has you figured out and she knows how to push your buttons, she also knows if she "sticks to her guns" per-say, she wins. I think you need to at least act like you are letting this one go. from what you have said, you guys break up ALOT....so what makes this any different? You have a girl that is ver insecure, so she feels like she needs to show her dominance over you by dumping you over trivial crap ever month or so.....lame. Im sure you care about this girl, but you need to tell her "if we are broken up, thats is, I can't do this". I mean seriously, what's the point? This is a power move for a person that thinks they have no power in the relationship, she wants you to jump though hoops for her, and thats not right. Sure, you made some mistakes, but who hasn't? This is a typical "one up" relationship. She does something wrong, you do something wrong, she break up with you, then you jump though hoops to get her back....sound about right? I think you really need to take a look at this relationship for what it is, and not what you want it to be. I think you can save it if you are willing to just get all the BS out on the table, but it won't be easy to take eachother seriously because the break ups are meaning less. She is showing "determination" because you cave in to her all the time. Im not asking you to be mean, just aske her for a straight and final answer.....ANYONE would deserve that. She is playing with you, and she hold all the cards because SHE broke up with YOU......that is crap....SHE should try and win YOU back if she wants you.......I want you to know, I say all of this with the intention of helping you.....but you are falling for a load of crap, and anyone on here will tell you that. Nobody deserves to be toyed with, and that is what she is doing with you.........

MissingHim2Much

I agree with Jeff.

Makiavelic76

Yes, i think i know since 3 or months ago whats the real issue here. My psycological background, my wall leaks. I spent all these previous months doing some family and mental search, about whats wrong with me? why my 2 strong relationships ended almost the same. I guess i found it. The why.

I'm a son of a mother who was very overprotected to me because the emotional distance of my father. I grew so close to her that I absorbed even her fears. My dear mom keep the home together for the mental and emotional stability of her sons (her decision) despite the infidelity of my father. The were no process for her just a constant fight to adapt and fight and fight and fight to keep the home solid and united. My dad as an old school man, never had the tact to be expressive or willing to solve things out with my mom, cuz he just doesnt have that habilities, but at least he never abandon my mom and us. And with the years, this bump on them is still visible on their faces but far enough. He regrets, he told me once.

So, the subconscience message of growing up under this enviroment was: Fight, fight, fight, fight, almost no matter what you have to keep the family (couple) together.
That's the reason i guess i fought too much on my relationships, almost like I want to save "someone" or change someone (not in the bossy way but too compassive way), and yes, that's the subconscious personification of my desires to change my dad so he can be more pleasant with my mom, so she can feel more happy.

Now I have to know how to stop this subconscious ways activate into my natural selection process of females as my parteners and how to make that "SHE should try and win YOU back if she wants you" not so easily.
Yes, the breaks up means less for her, and I did told her on previous problems that I wont be her toy.
I asked to her the day she broke up with me, if that is her last word, and she respond it, if you were at least with other face (more smiling i guess) or at least holding her hands asking her to not break up with me she would consider it, but then I found that again almost funny. I put lots of feelings asking her to give us a chance saying that I love her and I have hurts neglected from her as well as she has with me, and she said, no. So, I left.

I don't know now what to expect. I dont know if I want to give her space so she can (hopefully) not just miss me but maybe the time so she can calm down and put the things straight, so she might decide ok i row with you or i dont. Meanwhile, I dont know how much time to wait or what to feel or what to do. Incredible!!! It is easier to recommend others rather than put it on practice to our selves.

What is sure for now, I dont want her to play me and push my bottons any more.
I just applied inmediatly the no contact rule, and erase any way of impersonal contact with her (block emails, change passwords since i gave her all my pass so she cant be distrust, erase phone numbers, etc) I just im a little afraid of been too hard on this, not sure of that. But I did it. If she wants to contact me, she will have to make an effort more than the other times. If she would be willing to solve things out. I think with this I dont want her to react against my coldness but I just want to leave that one door without lock just in case she figure it out how to get there.

Maybe I'm too fresh to think reasonable. Ufff
I will get some sleep for now.
I have to plan a travel for tomorrow.... flying solo this time.. and then a whole life to rebuild
Bless you all

Makiavelic76

Hello fellas!! I'm watching the ocean and waves are good today. This lil trip is hard to handdle since she's in the air every step.
But I know I have to do it!!! Let this one go

My mind is tricking me and starting to betray me about how she put all the screws on me when she dumped me, I was the one who lied, the one who raised the voice and treat her bad... un freaking believeable!!..

Day by day, need your support, ill be around