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Just broke up with my girlfriend ! Is there a 2nd chance ?

Asked Nov 4, 2009, 04:44 PM — 41 Answers
Hi guys !

I had been dating this girl for 2 years and 4 months. She just offically broke up with me on last Friday (Oct- 30th). Before breaking up with me, on Wednesday ( Oct - 28th) she said: " I will really live the life without you and I thinnk I will really know what I really want, if I really love you... I will go back to you , cause now I dun really know my feeling..... ". After saying that I was so dumb by asking her to come back to me, plea her, begging her ..... Then she ignored my phone for completely 1 day. Then the next day, I messaged her and asked can we meet up tonight in front of her apt, she said yes , but actually it was a lie to make me feel better. I kept waiting unitl 2 am, and I couldn't wait anymore so I kept on calling her. She got pissed and said she wants a break up. I was so shocked, kept on crying and panic, then I ran to her house, called her and she said she promise that she will see me tomorrow to talk about our relationship, and told me to leave right away. After I left, I went back home , kept on crying and my friends were around with me to make me feel better. The nextday, I felt better a bit and accepted the broke up. I went to her house, gave her back the stuff, huged her, kissed her, held her hands, she was crying a lot ..... She said she doesn't know what does she really wants. After that, she got changed and I walked wit her to school, she kept on crying ..... We were holding hands, walking. Later on after the break up ,I found out the what did I do wrong is : I didn't give her space at all, jealous when she hanged out with guys friends, checked her phone sometime, stay with her all the time, when ever she needed me I'm always there, I kind of available for her all the time ...... I did the NC rule for like almost a week now, she haven't call me yet. Today, I talked with her sister, heR sister told me that she wants to know more friends, then I told her sister that I can change AND I can giver her some space if we come back. But then my gf's sister said : " She doesn't want you to change for her, she want YOU ARE YOU". My girlfriend is kind of independence girl, but she also really need me to be with her, so it's confused me sometime.

MY girlfriend still have a strong feeling for me, because today her sister told me that she doing OK after the firts days of the break up but she doesn't seem happy until now, she just seem OK. Moreover, wherever my girlfriend goes with her sister, she told her sister that she have lots of memories with me at this, and that place where we used to hang out together.


So what do you guys think ? NC actually will work in my case or not ?! Will my girlfriend easy to move on and adapt the new life without me ? Will she easy to forget me ? I'm sorry but this is my FIRTS LOVE and I still have a REALLY STRONG LOVE FOR HER. I'm SO REGRET BUT IT'S kind of TOO LATE. YEAH !? DO you GUYS THINK I'm DEPENDING ON HER TOO MUCH ? AND If I can change my life style to a confidence and better guy, will she come back to me ? May be my hope is just too over, I really don't know !


P/S she and I are Junior in College right now, we both 21 !

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41 Answers
summer7's Avatar
summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 215
Full Member
  
#31

Nov 10, 2009, 12:01 PM
I wish you a lot of luck here. You are on the right path. You recognize that you need to change this behavior and are willing to make every effort to improve and be better. You have reached out to others for advice and help. I believe you will make significant improvement. This is great!
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supermannnnnn's Avatar
supermannnnnn Posts: 62, Reputation: 48
Junior Member
  
#32

Nov 10, 2009, 12:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by philly0312 View Post
Thank you very muchm I will try to improve my self and find the truly me !
Thats the way to go!
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bjohnrupp's Avatar
bjohnrupp Posts: 293, Reputation: 159
Full Member
  
#33

Nov 10, 2009, 01:21 PM
Listen man....DON'T blame yourself for what ahppened and say you have to improve yourself- everyone has some improving to do BUT this breakup WAS NOT your fault!

You loved her like crazy just like I did but there obviously was reasons/things that happened in the relationship that made you jealous. You're blaming yourself when I guarantee you she did things without you knowing that got you this way.

You stayed with her and were available to her because you LOVED HER. Maybe you could have backed off a little but if she truly loved you she would want you to be around. However we all need to have our own lives because if the two of you are attached at the hip it will NEVER work out.
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philly0312's Avatar
philly0312 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
New Member
  
#34

Nov 11, 2009, 09:29 AM
I REALLY need you guys opinions, welcome all opinions
Hi guys, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 and half years, about 2 weeks ago. I was doing NC, and I'm feeling goood with my life right now. The reason I broke up with her is because I was clinngy, needy boyfriend. Anyway, I'm going to night club with my friends this Friday ( 2 more days later) and guess what ! She will be there too. So How should I act ? Ignore ? Uninterested ? What should I do ? Should I dance with her ? Buy her a drink ? This is totally confused to me right now ! She got my balls for like 2 and half years already, and now I'm getting back my confidence ! Oh my! ! Guys please HELP !
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Imabadman's Avatar
Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 678
Full Member
  
#35

Nov 11, 2009, 09:39 AM
Just be yourself. Be cordial but don't get emotional and fawn all over her. A simple "Hi" and a smile and go on about your business. She's just another girl at a club.
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spitvenom's Avatar
spitvenom Posts: 1,269, Reputation: 1888
Ultra Member
  
#36

Nov 11, 2009, 10:04 AM
Just like imabadman said. Say hi make the bs small talk then go about your business. But if you do find yourself wanting to talk to her can't stop looking to see what she is doing then LEAVE right away.
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I wish's Avatar
I wish Posts: 5,256, Reputation: 10093
Family & People Expert
  
#37

Nov 11, 2009, 10:30 AM


Please keep all questions regarding the same situation in the same thread so that we can follow your story and give you appropriate advice.

Just go out and have fun with your friends. Don't talk to her more than you have to. She's just another person at the club.

Remember, the more time you're focused on her, the less time you have to enjoy yourself.
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Cat1864's Avatar
Cat1864 Posts: 6,387, Reputation: 15950
Marriage Expert
  
#38

Nov 11, 2009, 01:30 PM


Don't stress yourself out about what ifs. The more you build the possible encounter up in your mind the harder it will be for you to act like yourself and have fun meeting other people and dancing with new women.

Be polite, but don't encourage any conversation. You aren't going there to entertain her. You are going there to entertain yourself. Let her entertain herself, but NOT at your expense.

HAVE FUN!
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philly0312's Avatar
philly0312 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
New Member
  
#39

Nov 16, 2009, 02:31 PM
I really don't know what should I do when I think about this
Hi guys, I just broke up with my ex of 2 years and 4 months, about 3 weeks ago. We had a really good time together. The reason she wanted to break up with me is because she said she wanted to know what else is out there, we still young, cannot settle down and blah blah blah. After I broke up with her, I realized lots of things. I was too clingy , needy to her, and may be that's the reason she wanted to break up. Moreover, there is kind of no balance between us, I mean I was her boyfriend but her life was much better than mine, born in a really rich family, her father is a chairman of a company, her studying is better than me, she always get A in class, out going person, and everything seem great in her life. But me ! I'm not that rich, my studying is OK , and I wasn't man enough to deal with life . So sometime I think we are not balance and I think that's 1 of the reason why she broke up with me. Is this true ? Or I just imagine too much.
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philly0312's Avatar
philly0312 Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
New Member
  
#40

Nov 16, 2009, 02:36 PM
OH, 1 more thing, After I broke up with her, there is always an image that she will get a better guy who is rich, study good and hand some, interesting, blah blah, keep playing in my head which is even make me feel worse and make my confidence decreasing like hell. I'm seriously afraid that someday, I will bumb into her with this guy and feel so emberassing to know that if this guy is even much better than I am. S**t ! I really don't know what to do and how to avoid this kind of feeling !
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