My husband of almost 13 years for some reason is accusing me of having an affair. Well not totally accusing me what he tells me is that he cant "accuse" me until he gets proof but he definately confronts me regularly about it. When I get ready for work he tells me "oh he likes that perfume?" or "getting all dressed up for ____?". His other complaint is that we are not as "physical" as we used to be. He says I must be getting it someplace. It's not that way at all. We have 3 small children and I work full time, I am EXHAUSTED!

At first I thought he was just joking but now I truely think he believes I am having an affair. I have not now or ever done this and it really upsets me to think he feels this way. And the person he thinks I am doing this with, well its just absurd! I have tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to cooperate. What can I do? I dont want this to affect our marriage. I am crazy about him!

ForeverZero

It's been my experience that the people that accuse the other of cheating without evidence are usually the ones doing it themselves. I'd keep an eye on him.

s_cianci

Perhaps he's been feeling ignored and neglected by you. Granted you're working full time and have 3 small children so of course you're exhausted. I wonder if his "accusations" are his way of telling you, though not in the most constructive manner obviously, that he feels ignored by you. Make some time for just each other. Arrange for a sitter for the kids. Do a weekend getaway or at least a night out, just the two of you. That's the time to put on the fancy clothes and the provocative perfume. Certainly work is important but your marriage is more important so you need to put all the more time and energy into it. Maybe your husband feels that you're "married" to your job instead of him.

queball

I agree with s_cianci, he is most likely fealing ignored and it would help if you could set at least one day, say a friday night, apart just for the two of you. But it is also possable that he is cheating and trying to cover his own guilt by accusing you of what he has done.

Synnen

Okay...if she hasn't done anything to justify an affair, she shouldn't "set aside" time for the guy.

He can pick up HIS share of the laundry, kids, housework, cleaning, cooking, errand running, bill paying, grocery shopping, organizing, doctor's appointments, daycare arrangements, ironing, folding, budgeting, whatever!!

My guess is that she's exhausted from doing everything, and he still wants a little nookie like he got BEFORE they had kids. Let him handle ALL of that stuff for ONE WEEK, and she'll have the energy for sex again.

Of course, at that point, he'll be passed out over the ironing board in his bathrobe wearing mismatched socks and with a sucker that he had to take away from one of the kids before bed stuck in his hair.

Marriage counseling! If he feels neglected, he needs a more constructive way to say it, and he needs to understand that she's just too damned tired to be HIS mommy too.

Marriage counseling.

queball

Well, of course that's what I meant. He should do his fair share around the house.

talaniman

Sometimes in our zeal to be a nice human that uses logic and language as our communication skills dictate there is nothing like the old fashion honest emotional out burst. The next time man-boy makes such an insulting comment look him in the eye and with your best sailor french let him have a double barrel blast of F888k YOU. My wife advises me to tell you that the important thing is the evil eye contact, and how long you can cuss and scream at his azz. Also the most important part is too leave him with his jaw hanging and slam the bedroom door close as you retreat for one whole minute, then do the fast mad stomp out the front door, oh slam that door too. You will feel better and so will he. Oh wait my wife said if the walls don't shake, that doesn't count as a slam. That is the way you deal with a jackazz who steps over the limit and I have promised never to do that again.

Sad27

Jteller, I completely understand and am going through almost the same exact thing! Please read my question and tell me what you think. Was your husband always like this or is it something that recently started? My husband has only been this was at my current place of employment and I am looking for a new job. I am actually thinking of quitting before I find something else in order to get this to stop because I physically and emotionally cannot take it any more. My husband has basically created this image of someone who he thinks exists but really does not, its so horribly frustrating and my heart is completely broken. I truly hope things work out better for you and myself...

JBeaucaire

Hey, even though this thread is a year and half old, I guess I'd like an update, too.

Synnen

Closed.

The OP hasn't been back since January 2007.

If the OP sends me a PM, I'll open the thread again.