Ok.. I have an EXTREMELY jealous boyfriend who I've been with for the last year and some months. I love him with all my heart and I really want to make our relationship last, but it's very difficult with the way he acts. My boyfriend wants to know EVERYTHING I do 25/8 and wants to control the things I do. To help you understand better, he is currently in the military and away on a deployment, that makes it even worse for our relationship. He calls me atleast 4 times a week and emails me everyday atleast once.The problem is that he never wants me to go out and have fun with the girls, or go to any events where there will be other people. He admits that he's a psycho and that he hates when I'm around people even if they're family. He wants me to stay home doing nothing because "I'm not having any fun, and neither should you" as he always says. His friends all tell him that he's way too jealous and too controling and that one day it's gonna mess everything up. Most of the time when I want to go out we end up arguing and getting upset, but work things out.
Months ago before he got deployed we were going through some troubles with our relationship already. His jealousy got me fed up to the point that I even cheated on him. I felt horrible after I did it and I swore to myself to never do it again. I cheated on him because I was tired of him always trying to control me and trying to act like he was my dad instead of my boyfriend. Plus he always went out with his friends and especially sum girls I really disliked. People around me started saying that it was wrong of him to be hanging out with those girls, knowing I disliked them and that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I let all those comments get to my head and therefore I didn't feel bad when I was with the other guy.
Now months have passed since I cheated and my guy found out about it. When he found out, we broke up for a while. Now he decided to give me another chance, but things just arent working out too good. He's even more jealous now and thinks that I will cheat on him with the first guy that comes up to me and doesn't trust me at all. I really am sorry for cheating on him and I still love him. The only reason I was with the other guy was because I got fed up with everything and I felt like I needed someone else I could talk to that would understand me better. That someone happened to be a guy I knew from years ago. We started to talk and I was really starting to like him. He knew about my boyfriend and our troubles. Then one day I was over his house and it all just happened, we started to kiss and that lead to more things and eventually ended up in his room.
Anyway I've already explained that a thousand times to my boyfriend and we decided to try and work things out. I know he really loves me and I love him too, but how can we get over this issue and his jealousy problems???

aboleth

Whoa... I only needed to read about half this post to have some serious advice for you here....

He gets upset when you go to see your family???

Uhm, this is not good. I can understand him not wanting to go out with guys. I can even "somewhat" understand not going with your girlfriends if he thinks they are a bad influence.... But YOUR FAMILY!?!?!?

Jealousy is what I like to call a "self fufilling prophecy". Push it long enough and she's far more likely to cheat. Cheating wasnt right. You should have broken it off. Now he's at a point where he's not trusting ANYTHING at all about this, and that's going to take a lot of couseling to get over.

I will tell you this. Any man who wants to seperate you form your family is bad news. Those are the types of men more prone to domestic violence and extreme behaviour. I don't think this is a safe situation at all. Unless you can turn over a new leaf really quick, get away.

BTW, to answer the question about getting over the jealousy problems. you've got some options. For one, don't ever bring up this thing in the past. If he keeps bringing it up, you are going to need to really, seriously, talk to him about how he's the only one in your life, and how you know how much it hurt him. Once he can really show you and tell you how much it hurt him, and you REALLY understand, then tell him you understand, explain why, and tell him you never ever want to talk about this again. That you both need to forgive AND forget this. If he believes in his heart how much you know that hurt him, only then can he get back to sanity.

oneguyinohio

You think he loves you is why he is so controlling? To me, that sounds more like he loves how he can make you be. If you want to be that way go ahead, but then it would be your choice. Make up your mind what you are willing to do or not. As for your loving each other, it seems like I have a different deffinition of love than you do... I think love is when you have a mutual admiration and respect for the other person in all ways... not just the things you like about them. With what I interpret you to be saying it seems like you love some things but not all, which would mean that you do not love him completely.

talaniman

Your intense attraction for him is so unhealthy, in light of his issues and controlling ways. I mean controlling you from thousands of miles away?? Not healthy, but what is so disturbing, is you allow this behaviour in the name of love?? Ain't that much love in the world, to be told what to do, long distance, short distance, no way, no how. You both, need help ASAP to guide you thru the process of being in a healty relationship, because sorry to say, what you have is Not love, and its NOT healthy for either of you. Get out, get help, get healthy!