i have been seeing a co-worker for the past two months. whenever i see him, talk to him or spend time with him i'm so happy but the problem is we're both involved with someone else.

allswell

Why are you both involved with someone else, then? That's my question. If you love each other (is it mutual), why are you being disrespectful to both yourselves and your significant others? I am not judging, just curious. And I know it's not that simple, but is cleaner to be able to focus on just one person rather than in your case, have to juggle four people in your relationship.

A word of caution: as someone who is currently going through an office-romance-gone-nowhere break-up, I suggest you think long and hard before getting into anything. If you're anything like me, the damage in general (career, discomfort amongst other colleagues, "I feel so bad for you" looks, drama over assignments, etc.) will be minimal. But let me tell you, it takes a huge, huge, huge indescribably huge on you. Trying to get over someone only to be reminded of their presence every single day is gut-wrenching and emotionally draining. As cautious as we were by not telling anyone, there is still an element of "taking sides" by those who are in the know. And there's still that vulnerability that comes with people knowing your personal business at your workplace. People can tell what's going on, and are quick to realize when things go sour, and the last thing you want to do is give your bosse(es) ammunition against you.

Good luck.

baabes

my co-worker and i are sexually involved but so far no one suspects as when we are at work we behave normal but on weekends or on the phone we are completely different. how do we go back to being friends when we are sleeping together? i love him so much and don't want what we have to end because he makes me so happy even though i can't be with him the way i want

lilred40

Speaking from personal experience (dating co-worker), it's not a good mixture. What happens if you or he break off the relationship? You'll still see each other every day. When I was in this type of relationship, and when he broke it off, and started dating another co-worker, I know how I felt... hurt, mad, etc... Then he broke it off with her and got back with me... (dumbest move on MY part). Then, on top of that, you both are with someone else? If you two really care for each other, then both if you really should break it off with other person in your life. It's not fair to the other people involved.

Wondergirl

Why don't you break up with your SO and be free for your coworker?

You won't be able to be friends, not after what has happened.

allswell

You can do it. You have a decision to make: either continue and take the risk, she where it goes. Or stop it, go back to being friends, and work on your respective relationships. Both can be done, with determination.

MissingHim2Much

My ex left me for one of his co-workers...

He at the very least had enough respect for me to leave before he got involved with her. As for advice, I really don't have anything nice to say so I won't say anything.

talaniman

I don't have anything nice to say about two cheaters either. I feel sorry for the partners though.

HurtingALot

I'm with Missing and Tal wholeheartedly on this one. Cheaters are disgusting and you should be ashamed. Either be real and end the other relationships or stay away. It's that simple. And mind you, you have no idea what the guy is telling his girlfriend, or would were he to get caught. Mine just did and he begged me to stay with him, saying she means absolutely nothing to him....(how would you feel about that if he was saying that about you?? Not so good, I think.) Bottom line, I dumped him because any indiscretions are just not acceptable to me. Now I hope he's suffering in the realization of what he actually lost for some sideline thing that obviously doesn't mean anything to him and probably won't ever go anywhere....GOOD LUCK. You deserve whatever you get, and I bet it will be some heartache of your own. These types of situations never work out....Again.....good luck.

lavenderly

Heard of "stolen moments are always sweeter"?

U think u love him but u are merely attracted to him because of the physical acts u two are involved in. No way u can turnaround and tell him to be friends. U may not even be able to stay as co-workers cause u will inevitably talk to him sometimes in the workplace.

Cheating is bad. We all know that. I am sure u do too. That is why u still find it to be exciting to pursue this physical contact. Let's say u finally broke off with your guy and this co-worker also breaks off with his partner, and u two get together. Do u think u will enjoy being with him for the long term?

The things to really consider are:
#1 Can u and him work out a future together?
#2 Is he bf material or just a lover who takes advantage of u? (can he be responsible for finances and family responsibilities?)
#3 Do u want your current bf to do the things u are doing to him? How would u react?
#4 If u really love this man, why lead him to cheat on his partner? Once he gets into the habit, he will cheat on u in future.
#5 Are u bored with your bf? Spark up your relationship rather than look for "spices" outside the relationship.