My Ex-Girlfriend and I had been together for about 2 years, and lived together most of that time... Everything was fine until about the last 2 months of the relationship. Basically I didn't have a job for most of the duration of the relationship, and I got way too comfortable with this because she would provide everything. This started to get to her and she told me I needed to get a job and do more around the apartment because she was starting to resent me for this. She also mentioned that maybe we should take a, 'break' and I should move out until I get everything straightened out. At first I did not agree with this, but after a while I started to think about actually moving out. I started cleaning the apartment everyday and providing meals for her when she got home from work. After the initial luster of me doing chores around the Apartment wore off, I soon agreed with her reasoning about me moving out because I did not want her to resent me. So I told her I still loved her but I did need to move out. She kept asking me if this meant that we were done for good, and I told her yes for the time-being...There was no arguing, just her crying and us enjoying our last night together. The next day I moved out while she was at work. I haven't really been talking to her at all, trying to stay confident in our mutual agreement. During this time I also wanted to heal.


Does this sound like something I can fix if I get a job? To me it seemed like she wanted to eventualy get a house, and to pay off a lot of debts, without me having a job this couldnt happen. Or does this sound like she made an excuse for not really wanting to be with me? I don't want to break no contact, but I am not sure if this situation warrants me not contacting her at all. Thanks in advance for viewing!

George_1950

you said: "She also mentioned that maybe we should take a, 'break' and I should move out until I get everything straightened out," and "Does this sound like something I can fix if I get a job?" Perhaps you have gotten too close and familiar, so just call her or go out once a week for a while and see how things go. Do some other things, like volunteer in a civic group; and make some new friends.

clafairey

I am in this position, I have been out of work for a long time and am recently trying to get back into it. I have to admit I got too comfortable with this also, being provided for. I have recently started volunteering at a youth group so I can get a paid job in the arts department once I have more experience. She has more respect for me now, and I feel self worth. I am also looking for a part time job to do on the evenings.

It is not nice for the other person at all to be the provider, it made my girlfriend feel like she was doing all the work and I wasn't putting any effort it. Someone who is working and values themselves more for what they are contributing is a lot more attractive than someone who is not contributing to the relationship in this way.

I think you should get yourself a job, get used to it, and then try seeing her again. You could still speak to her as a friend in the mean time so that she knows that you are making the effort. If you remain unemployed, it will seem to her that you aren't the kind of person that would do anything to be with her.

talaniman

Get a job first, and put your life where you want it. From there you can do anything you want.

s_cianci

I don't think getting a job is going to fix anything. That's not to say that you shouldn't have one but not to accomplish what you're suggesting. Frankly I think she's making excuses. It's done, no contact, move on with your life and do the things you want and need to do.

theywantashow

I have only been talking to her when she contacts me, and I guess I will keep it that way. It has been less painful than my previous breakups, and I am having a hard time figuring out whether I miss her, or our apartment/animals.

Thanks a lot for the input, I appreciate it. If there's anything else that you guys can think of in the way of advice, I would gladly take it

talaniman

You probably miss all of it. Thats normal.

shygrneyzs

In your previous relationships, did you have a job or were you provided for by these other women? What was and still is your reasoning for not working? What would happen to you if your source of livelihood disappeared? Just go and find another woman to support you?

Do you have skills to obtain employment? Talents and abilities? Are you afraid of working? Wouldn't a job provide you with some self respect, not to mention income? I do believe you should have a job, but not just to keep the girlfriend. You should that because it is in your best interests as a productive person.

clafairey

Thanks for not giving me a "reddie"lol I don't think she won't love him if he doesn't have a job, I just think that in a relationship things should be shared, input from both sides. I understand from my girlfriends point of view how hard it is with me not working, it causes her a lot of stress. I think he should want to get a job for him, not just her. Hope all goes well with you both.

theywantashow

In reply to your questios shygrneyzs I have a lot of talents, and I know I should definitely be able to get a job just fine. I am not sure why I haven't actually got one yet though. I used to own my own business about 2 years ago, and when it went under I think I lost a lot of confidence. However...even when I had a job I often made the women pay/take care of monetary things. Could this stem from a fear of commitment?

On another note, I am having a lot of problems before I go to sleep - thinking about my situation. It only happens before I go to sleep. Anyway to rememdy this, or should I just stick it through