Hey all,

Unless you've read my past posts, you don't know the whole story, but I'll try to condense greatly here:

I had a girlfriend who had a problem with my inesecurity over a guy she met while studying abroad. She and he hung out all the time together, he was hitting on her a lot, lots of pictures just him and their arms around each other. When I would call her at her school dorm in the other country, occaisonally he would pick up the other phone and make noises and interrupt our conversation... seriously, like a three-year-old. She did nothing about it. She stopped telling me she loved me over the phone because "other people might hear."

She gets back to the U.S. and just yells at me that I was insecure about it all--that they just "got along great."

I took what she said and thought that, yes, I was being insecure, and that I needed to change. The guy started asking her out on dates and stuff, so I asked her to please stop talking to him, as it's giving him the signal that it's OK for him to keep calling and asking her out. She said she would, but she lied about it about five times over the next few months, and was still talking to him behind my back. And then at one point she told me she flat out doesn't care what I think, and that she'll continue to talk to him.

I'm not really sure of much more than that, as our relationship was long distance at this point, but I know that she attended some parties he was holding for the whole study abroad group (which I did not try to infringe upon, though it made me somewhat uncomfortable that she was going... but I didn't say a word, because I wanted her to be able to see her other friends from that trip).

Of course... after talking with her about it... about her talking to him behind my back... I still felt guilty---like I was forcing her to lie, because I was insecure about a mere friendship. I felt like everything was my fault.

And so I apologized, and she basically did everything she wanted to from there on---she wouldn't speak to me for a whole month if she got mad at me for something. She wouldn't ever come see me or let me come see her---citing that she needed to hang out with her friends, and it would be "stupid" for me to come see her and make a two-hour drive for one day only. She would say "im going to go get wasted now" and slam down the phone.

Obviously, some of this was not good, but I just kept blaming myself over and over for being insecure as she said. I didn't want to be that guy and lose her. But, after dealing with some of that stuff, who wouldn't get insecure or wonder?

Then yesterday happens.

I find out from a friend that she's been sleeping with this guy! There's pics of them on the Internet getting drunk and all over each other at bars from like May or something.

Soooooooo now I don't know what to think. Was I too hard on myself? Was I insecure... or was I right?

I've been cheated on before, so I know the warning signs, but... it's also easy to get worked up over nothing sometimes.

Now I'm in this weird-feeling mode, where I don't know whether to hang on to how I was before all this crap or what? I feel like for the last year I've worked hard to make some real positive changes, but just how much did I need to work, now knowing this?

Advice appreciated. Thanks.

What are you talking about. It's over... There are many other girls... Start looking... Im sorry... I guess I just don't really understand what you are asking because I thought you were over her already... Plus why don't u continue on what you started instead of continuing here... it's confusing is what it is!. Which is why I'm lost now... Sorry! Wish you the best my friend... Just let her go, but you know that already more than any of us but it's just hard to do... I understand...

Are you kidding?? Insecure? U should be feeling that way... your gut feeling was right all the time. Its so easy for people to say your being insecure, I think it's a guilt thing.

We can all use work, every last one of us. BUT, when you are with someone who disresects your feelings how can you not become insecure? We are all human. We have feelings. Exspecialy when we love...

I think the majority of people realize if they are getting workied up over nothing, and are at a point where they need to change to save a relationship, but in yr case you know the difference, just sometimes hard to except... gd luck

The woman isn't worth it. Move on. I'm sure that there are plenty of beautiful, emotionally compatible women out there that are way better than her.

BTW, any woman that stops telling you that they love you because "other people might hear" is full of crap. If you really love someone, you don't give a flying crap who can hear and who is around, unless you are trying to hide something. Dump this girl like Enron stock.

I despise those who sleep with somebody easily.
Insecurity of you means love and seriousness.
You might be angry at what I have said about the girl you love. But I know, behind all the insecurities, there are mistakes of one party of both.
I wish you would meet better girl later.