I have known this woman for a few years and have been very attracted to her. We became friends and finally started dating. It all started off great! We would talk on the phone a few times a day and spend weekends together.
There was a lot of intimacy, communication, and everything seemed perfect.
I became completely infatuated with her.
It was out of control. Needless to say, I scared her off and she dumped me. Why is it so hard to keep a clear head and focus on the reality of it all. I believe it happened because I've wanted her for so long and we finally had the chance to be together. When it was happening, nothing else in my world mattered except for her. It was almost like a spell I was under. As I read these posts on healthy relationships it all makes a lot of since now. But on the other hand, I have been in several decent relationships and always kept my head together. I am usually pretty level headed. This woman ripped my heart out. Any advice would be appreciated.

ChihuahuaMomma

Relationship takes time to get over. How long have you two been apart?

JBeaucaire

It actually sounds like you have a complete grasp on what happened. From your own words:

• You liked her a long time
• When you got together, your emotions went overboard
• You're uncontrolled focus on her sent her packing
• You know you did it, but it's too late
• You wish you hadn't, but it's too late
• You know you can have decent relationships with other people

So, now you know. The girl you were MOST attracted to wasn't a good match because you weren't "you" with her around. Perfectly understandable.

The girl you end up with for life probably won't be the person you've loved the deepest in life up to that point, but she will be the person you EVENTUALLY love in a way none other can compete with. Your connection to HER will be on so many levels, completely operating above simple feelings like love and attraction.

It won't be about heat, it will be about full on compatibility.
It won't be about love, it will be about commitment.
It won't be about completing each other, it will be about you two each already being complete on your own and having a full life you deem to share with each other.

That's what it will be about.

talaniman

Your hearts still there, you just have to learn to cope with your loss, and move to the back up plan, a life you have that you enjoyed without her. If you didn't have one, now would be the time to get one, and keep it just for you, and don't give it up. Not even if you get married in the future, to some wonderful female.

polska

5 weeks and every day seems like an eternity. I think of her every minute of the day.

ChihuahuaMomma

That's quite a while. You need to focus your energy on something more productive. School, work, friends, family, YOURSELF.