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    I'm obsessed.

    Asked Apr 17, 2012, 01:34 AM 5 Answers
    Hi I went out with this girl for 4 years. We have a gorgeous 3 yr old daughter together. We split up a Christmas, and after 2 days, I wanted to get back with her. She was up for it. We took it slow for 6 weeks, and then one day she said she didn't think it was going to work.

    And from that day I've been completely obsessed with her. The thought of her with another guy kills me inside. I can't even see me with anyone else. I can't let go. What should I do?

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 17, 2012 at 08:38 PM.
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,526, Reputation: 2334
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    #2

    Apr 17, 2012, 07:06 AM
    This kind of question always has the same answer: there's not a lot you can do but try to keep busy with work, friends, family, school, and hobbies. Read the posts at the top of the board.
    One suggestion I give is to write letters to her, not text or emails, but on paper. Don't send any until you have written some over and over. Writing helps sort out your thoughts and feelings. It helps even if you never get her back. I will hope that for the sake of your shared child she will allow you in to some extent, and if not, you should go to Family Court to apply for whatever arrangements the court decides (with child support of course).
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    SentientAndroid's Avatar
    SentientAndroid Posts: 63, Reputation: 8
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    #3

    Apr 17, 2012, 08:36 AM
    I feel your pain man, I'm currently going through this as well with my ex of 4 years. We've been "officially" split for almost 3 months now and we still talk and she wants to be friends and all, but nothing more. I don't understand how I meant so much to her for 3.5 years and now nothing at all.

    I agree with joypulv, you just got to let it go. Talk to other girls, date other girls and hang out with friends and family. TRUST me, I think about my ex with another guy as well and it messes with my head big time, but you just have to accept it as a fact of life. I'm in a much better spot now compared to a couple months ago, but I'm still clinging on. I just sent her an email this morning telling her how much I miss her, but people can't help how the feel. Your ex can't help that she no longer has feelings for you and you can't help that you still have feelings for her. People break up every day. Just look at is a life experience that 99% of all people have to go through and apply what you've learned to the next relationship.

    I also plan to initiate a full blown 100% no contact rule at the end of May. I'm deleting her email address and changing my number. I've already deleted her mom and sister's number along with hers out of my phone. That helps a lot on that lonely night when your mind gets to wandering and it's just so easy to pick up the phone and text or call her. Right now we just mainly communicate through emails unless she calls me, but eventually I'm going to have to cut that off also. She wants to be best of friends, but I can't do it. I already know that I wouldn't be able to handle a conversation with her telling me that she has a new boyfriend and is back having sex again. Nope, couldn't do it. So yeah trust me I know it's painful, but you just have to let it go.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,727, Reputation: 7217
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    #4

    Apr 17, 2012, 08:40 AM


    IT is hard, and assuming you are being a good father and doing regular visits with your child, it means you have to see her for a little bit each time you pick the child up and leave the child off.

    So it is harder than no contact would be. But agree, you keep busy, and get other activities to fill up some of the times.
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    SentientAndroid's Avatar
    SentientAndroid Posts: 63, Reputation: 8
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    #5

    Apr 17, 2012, 09:24 AM
    I forgot about the child part Chuck, yeah no contact isn't even an option in his case.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,059, Reputation: 10289
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    #6

    Apr 17, 2012, 08:47 PM


    Focus on being a great dad, and the rest will work itself out as you adjust and work on that obsession thing through healing that starts with ACCEPTANCE! You better, because she will be in your life for a long time because of this gorgeous child you have made.

    Its tough but millions do this very thing and succeed in being great parents with separate lives. So can YOU! This is about how well YOU manage those feelings. Get help if you need it, but do right by your daughter.
    Helpful

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