I'm falling in love with a straight man

Sex is the very difficult parts of our life to hide. Exactly who we are and to hide our identity in the real life or in short we are leaving under the closet.

I’m 28 years old gay guy working abroad and living with my friend’s house for a year now with different room. We started to be a real good friend for 10 years until I found myself to be closed to him, but lately I had this strange feeling that I can’t explain, sometimes I fantasized him. Definitely he is a good looking straight guy, he was married but his wife was residing to his country home and with multiple lady commitments for sex fun online in the internet.

Until one day I decided to look for the right time to reveal, and to let him know what I really felt and chances permitted me on that cloudy morning when two of us decided to eat our breakfast at nearby restaurant. While I’m driving the car I stated and I ask his understanding not to misinterpret that special treatment because, I don’t have any wrong intention with him. I wanted to be fair and honest with him to reveal the truth and ready to accept the consequences whatever the outcomes. I know that I can’t turn back the clock after all, but if he is my real friend he will understand and accept me being me and who I am outside the closet. After that moment he avoided me, totally he ignore me, he don’t want to see me, it’s seems that I’m a muddy dirty stuff. We were not seen often in the house, office and talked less. It’s really difficult and I suffered too much. The more I suppressed my feelings the more I love him, was sleepless, I lost my appetites to eat and I lost totally my weight and I’m always crying.

I’ve done on a hard time to save our friendship it took a couple of months. But now after he spent his vacation when he return back to our house, he treated me as is that nothings has happen, everything seems to be normal, we are talking about silly things about his life, girlfriends, go out for dinner, joking and he went to my office daily. Every day I cooked our meals and we eat together and doing the house chores, and I don’t have any motifs to trace that’s he likes me either. Sometimes I reach out the point to surrender and to look for another place to live alone and totally forget him, but I can’t do it! I’m still magnetized to stay, because I will suffer more that before, and all my effort, and time to stay, to work abroad will be useless too.

Please help me I’m suffering right now, because I love him so much more than I do. Please I need your advice.