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I'm new to this board, and I hope that somebody out there can help me.
2 days ago, a girl who only on that day we finally came clean and admitted our feelings for each other, was raped by her housemate.
It happened just after I had left....She's in so much pain, I saw her yesterday before the police came. she called me after it happened, i didn't hear the phone ring. she walked all night coz she could not remember where my place was. It was out of jealousy that it happened, he couldn't handle seeing her with a man, although she wanted nothing to do with him..i feel like i contributed to it somehow because if i never went to see her maybe it would never have happened.
I'm in so much pain for her, and I'm hurting so badly...I don't know what to do.
I understand and feel very sorry for your situation and the frustration that you feel! You will get support from people on this site! It's a good place to be!
What do you mean that he was her housemate? Were they or had they had an intimate relationship with each other?
You still show as being online. I hope that you are okay. I have just alerted another person to your post. It's okay to discuss and share things here. Alright?
I understand and feel very sorry for your situation and the frustration that you feel! You will get support from people on this site! It's a good place to be!
What do you mean that he was her housemate? Were they or had they had an intimate relationship with each other?
When I was at her friends yesterday, when I first saw her, they told me he ad been 'after' her for a long time. And she wanted nothing to do with him.
So, were they living together? I'm still not sure what you mean by "housemate."
Sorry, she was just sharing a unit with him. The people she was living with got married, then moved to their own house, which left her without a place to stay. He was a mutual friend who had a spare room available.....
I'm new to this board, and I hope that somebody out there can help me.
2 days ago, a girl who only on that day we finally came clean and admitted our feelings for each other, was raped by her housemate.
It happened just after I had left....She's in so much pain, I saw her yesterday before the police came. she called me after it happened, i didn't hear the phone ring. she walked all night coz she could not remember where my place was. It was out of jealousy that it happened, he couldn't handle seeing her with a man, although she wanted nothing to do with him..i feel like i contributed to it somehow because if i never went to see her maybe it would never have happened.
I'm in so much pain for her, and I'm hurting so badly...I don't know what to do.
I am so sorry this happened. Please know this could have happened whether you had ever met this girl or not. The person responsible is the rapist. I hope he has been arrested by now. Has he? Does your friend have a safe haven in which to stay right now? She probably should not have to be in the house where it took place for awhile. In these early stages, please keep in mind that your friend is going to need lots of tender care. Gentle hugs, not sexual. No sexual touching for now, not even kisses unless just sweet caring ones and on the cheek, forehead, etc. She is going to need to feel really safe for awhile. Every touch could startle her and cause her to relive this in her mind. Speak softly to her.
Is she getting medical help for the physical as well as emotional and mental pain? How long were they housemates? Was this always understood to be a platonic relationship prior to this? I do not ask this to be nosy or judging. It will just help myself and others have a more clear picture to help in suggestions of how to help your friend get through this horrible trauma and for yourself also. Rape make us all feel like victims but we must not allow ourselves to be made to feel like a victim. Be proactive in her care and take care of yourself as well. You have certainly come to a positive, warm place to ask for suggestions.
Please keep in touch here. There will be many who will be able to give support to you and to your friend. Don't allow yourself to feel guilt. You could not have known. Until we hear from you again with more information on how she is doing, we will be praying for you both. I am concerned that she be treated with respect by the doctors and police officers. Just be sensitive to things she might mention if someone seems judgmental and be there for her. She doesn't need any more trauma.
I'm so very sorry to hear what happened to your girlfriend. What did the police do when they came? Did they arrest this creep?
Don't blame yourself for this. It is not your fault at all!! This loser probably would have done this even if you weren't in the picture, or he would have done it to some other girl, and maybe has! I sure hope he has been arrested, and will have to pay the consequences of his actions.
The best thing you can do for her, is just be there. Don't force her to talk about it. If she wants to, let her tell you, and don't try and give advice, just listen to whatever she has to say. She may even try and take her feelings out on you! Let her do that and just try and understand that it is not you that she is upset with. Let her scream, cry, rage,...whatever it is that she needs to do now.
Let a little time go by, and suggest that she gets counselling, if she hasn't been in contact with a therapist already. Don't push her to do that until she's ready, but very kindly and gently recommend it, because she will probably need some professional help to get through this.
Again, I'm so sorry this happened, and my prayers and best wishes are with you and your girlfriend!!
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