im driving myself mad...

flower81 · May 18, 2006, 01:03 AM

On the whole my relationship with my boyfriend is good.
we are fairly honest with each other.

Last wkend we went clubbing together, with about another 5 people. We had a good evening and got very drunk. There's this 1 girl who has known me and bf forever, very sweet girl just abit flirty at times but i guess who isnt when you have a few drinks.

Anyways, she left the club about 3am and my bf started talking about her, coz she was engaged to another of our friend for 10 yrs, they were soon goin to get married but she left him for the reasons - wanting independance and basically fell out of love for him. Well to give u an idea of what on :-
my bf started talking about how highly he used to look up her years ago and that he felt a thing between them.
I was like .... he then added that since she left her fiance he believes that she cheated and he doesnt look at her d same way!!
Im totally confused...
what was this conversation all about..
It even made me feel abit of anger towards him and her.
She likes to flirt wi my bf i.e keeps slappin his bum ... althou when she does that he looks at me with a kind of funny look.

UFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

valinors_sorrow · May 19, 2006, 08:26 AM

I too have driven myself mad in the past and eventually had to make a deal with myself.

When I don't understand something someone does, drunk or sober, I usually end up simply asking them about it. Most of the time, I don't hear what I fear I am going to hear and, without exception, every time I am glad I asked.

I hope this helps.

Chery · May 19, 2006, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I too have driven myself mad in the past and eventually had to make a deal with myself.

When I don't understand something someone does, drunk or sober, I usually end up simply asking them about it. Most of the time, I don't hear what I fear I am going to hear and, without exception, every time I am glad I asked.

I hope this helps.

Short, simple, and very well put. Most problems created in the mind can be solved by communication. Doubt never gets solved by ignoring it.

flower81 · May 22, 2006, 06:17 AM

hello all,
All is ok, i spoke to my bf and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!!
and that i have nothin to worry about...
and he also said he doesnt think much of her.. so whats the problem!!
I think thats good.. ???

flower81 · May 22, 2006, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

First of all, tell your girlfriend that if she slaps your boyfriend's bum one more time you're going to break her arm. Not that I expect you to literally carry it out but as a matter of metaphor she should get the hint. Next tell your boyfriend that such conversation makes you very uncomfortable and you don't want to hear it any more. If he doesn't respect you enough to comply then that could be a red flag that it's time to forget this one and move on.

she wasnt very apologetic.. really!!
She said oh didnt realise it bothered you... in a tone like... why would it...its just a slap...

DJ 'H' · May 22, 2006, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower81

On the whole my relationship with my boyfriend is good.
we are fairly honest with each other.

Last wkend we went clubbing together, with about another 5 people. We had a good evening and got very drunk. There's this 1 girl who has known me and bf forever, very sweet girl just abit flirty at times but i guess who isnt when you have a few drinks.

Anyways, she left the club about 3am and my bf started talking about her, coz she was engaged to another of our friend for 10 yrs, they were soon goin to get married but she left him for the reasons - wanting independance and basically fell out of love for him. Well to give u an idea of what on :-
my bf started talking about how highly he used to look up her years ago and that he felt a thing between them.
I was like .... he then added that since she left her fiance he believes that she cheated and he doesnt look at her d same way!!
Im totally confused...
what was this conversation all about..
It even made me feel abit of anger towards him and her.
She likes to flirt wi my bf i.e keeps slappin his bum ... althou when she does that he looks at me with a kind of funny look.

UFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I don't think your boyfriend meant anything by what he said. I just don't think he chose his words every well.

I think what he meant to say was that he used to respect and reguard your firend very highly and he felt a close friendship between them. But since she has split with her fiancee and he thinks she cheated - he does not think of her that way anymore.

He probably looks at you funny when your friends slaps his bum, because he feels she should not be doing that least of all infront of you - but perhaps is too polite to say anything to her himself so is waiting for you to say something.

I don't think there is any deceit here - just a misunderstanding.

Your friend is just obviously having a rough patch. Soetime speople flirt and they don't even realise their doing it. If you had a quiet chat with her (you know just drop it into converssation and don't make a big deal) you would probably find she was very regretful and sorry for it and did not even realise she had caused a problem!

Don't take things to heart and seriously don't read anything into it! I think your boyfriend is inncoent and so is your friend.

Chery · May 22, 2006, 12:53 PM

CAREFUL HERE!

Quote:

she wasnt very apologetic.. really!!
She said oh didnt realise it bothered you... in a tone like... why would it...its just a slap...

Quote:

hello all,
All is ok, i spoke to my bf and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!!
and that i have nothin to worry about...
and he also said he doesnt think much of her.. so whats the problem!!
I think thats good.. ???

Flower, the above should not be on your mind any longer....

Sorry flower, but you should not dwell on her 'slap' - As a matter of fact, if it bothers you that much, just slap him where she did and that way he'll remember who slapped him last.

Gosh... You need to be more secure in your relationship and not have the opinion that every woman who looks at him or talks to him is a threat. He's with you! If you constantly make him explain or justify his actions in public - you're showing him you don't trust him and that you have the feeling you own him. Don't do that to yourself.

Instead of hashing over what happened a few days ago, you should be thinking of what you'd like to do together today or a few days from now - that's more fun and less stressful. Think future, not past - is always the best bet. Plan something romantic together, or even surprise him with candles, popcorn and a nice movie at home - no gossip, no thinking of anyone else but each other. This is something you should be thinking about and not what others might do to upset you again.

Remember the title of your first post here - "im driving myself mad"... Think real hard, and stop doing this to yourself!

valinors_sorrow · May 22, 2006, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower81

hello all,
All is ok, i spoke to my bf and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!!
and that i have nothin to worry about...
and he also said he doesnt think much of her.. so whats the problem!!
I think thats good.. ???

Okay, you asked him about it, he told you, believe it until proved otherwise and get on with it just like Chery says.

Simple. Just like that. Enjoy each other!

(Oh you might thank all these kind people, especially the ones who posted a lot since they put so much time and effort into you.)

flower81 · May 23, 2006, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Okay, you asked him about it, he told you, believe it until proved otherwise and get on with it just like Chery says.

Simple. Just like that. Enjoy each other!

(Oh you might thank all these kind people, especially the ones who posted a lot since they put so much time and effort into you.)

You dont need to tell me to say THANK YOU
was going to in the first place