This is the continuation of the problem I had with my daughter. She has quit her job out of town and moved to the city with us. She is 26 years old. She has very good job, but problem is that, because of economic boom in town, there is no apartments vacant. She is saving money to buy place of her own, but in the meantime she lives at home. I feel that she has no respect for us at all. When she comes home from work, she locks herself up in her bedroom, sometimes doesn't even say "hi" to us, never talks to us, asks us anything, doesn't share anything from her life with us. She is planning on getting married next year, but she never told us, I found out from her boyfriend. She comes out to eat, packs her lunch for next day and that's it. We don't get any money for rent, groceries, anything. I didn't really ask her for anything. I just can't take this silent treatment anymore. We used to communicate, but that is gone. One day my husband was talking to her and through whole conversation she was making faces, luckily he was behind her, so he didn't see it. One night I tried to give her hug and I saw look on her face that broke my heart.
I don't know what happened, how did it become this way or what to do about whole thing. It eats me up from inside. I don't know how to remedy the situation, so I need help, please!

vlee

I am so sorry to hear this. It must be awful to be treated that way. I truly suggest that you sit your daughter down for a face to face chat. Tell her you've noticed these things and ask her why she treats you and your husband with so little love and respect. Try to be non-confrontational so that she might open up. Don't sound like you are making accusations. Start sentences with "I"...I've noticed, I've seen, I feel... If she becomes snarky or unresponsive then it is time to lay down the law. Let her know who's house she is in, remind her that you and your husband are not hotel staff. And I don't know about your mom, but mine would charge me rent as an adult! She has an awful lot of perks and benefits from residing with you. It wouldn't kill her to show some appreciation and gratitude. She should be interested in sharing her life with you. I have never been in your situation, so unfortunately, this is the best advice I can offer.

shygrneyzs

She is 26 and acts like she is 16. That is what it sounds like. Well, it is time for Mom and Dad to put the brakes on the hotel they have been providing for nothing.

She is acting like a selfish, ungrateful, unappreciative snot, pardon my language, but she shows no respect for either you or your husband and does not deserve to live there anymore.

If she is not going to sit down and have a serious discussion with you and your husband, then you know that she is not likely to start acting responsibly any time soon. AS tough as it might sound, you both need to come an agreement about standing your ground with your daughter. Give her a deadline to move out and if she does not meet the deadline, move her things out for her, change your locks, change your phone number if you have to. But cut the ties that bind. Right now she has no incentive to improve herself. Because it is all too comfortable with you and your husband. Mom and Dad's board and room is all too handy. You need to make it less handy. Less appealing. And not free any longer.

If she is so hard up for money - she can work two jobs - many people do, to get ahead. And they survive it quite well. I would just not put up with this. Her making faces at her own Dad when he was talking - that is something a five year old does.

Good luck to you both in handling your daughter. Sometimes we have to allow our children to land on their butt before they start to get ahold of their own life. You do not need to be financing her lifestyle.

chuff

Have you ever asked her what is bothering her or where this stems from?

chiong_56

Maybe your daughter is very much in love with her boyfriend, but you didn't like him, that must be the start of everything. Well as of now.i think just let her be what she wanted to be, because the only person that is important for her now is her boyfriend, if later on she and her boyfriend get into trouble, that's the time she will realize we are right.

talaniman

Sometimes we can only let our children bump ttheir heads against a brick wall and have a band aid ready. Why you let a 26 year old move back in and not contribute is beyond me. But for now give her space and carry on with your own life. You need to speak with your husband for some good advice and plan a strategy betwen you that works for the good of all.