I have lived with my boyfriend for a year now and we have planned to get married next year. Everything in our relationship is perfect, exect one thing. He doesn't seem to have any enthusiasm when it comes to our sex life. He does nothing to try and satisfy me and never shows any passion. He he only seems interested in sex first thing in the morning when we dont really have time. He has been to the doctor about it and the doctor said there was nothing wrong with him and asked if he fancied me. He swears he does but no matter how hard I try to motivate him I always fail. I have tried everything. I know it isnt the most important part of a relationship, but it is coming between us. Any suggestions?

Krs

Does he understand how deeply hurt you are by this?

EnglishRose

Yes, I think so. It has really upset me several times. Like this one time we went away to an amazing hotel for the weekend so I bought really nice underwear and some silly toys and things and he just went to sleep at 10pm. He's only 29 so its not his age.

Krs

Weird!
And how long has this been goin on for?

Maybe its time you let him know again how this is makin you feel.

robertsqueen

Hun, you need to communicate to him just how bad it is hurting. I hate to say it but if your sex life is a disaster than something else in your relationship is off keleter. I was having this problem with my husband and I just didn't show intrest in sex, and soon enough he attacked me. That might be what you have to do...but try talking to him first. Good luck

talaniman

A couple that cannot solve its sex problems is in need of a lot of help with communication, talking and listening. If one or the other is unwilling to deal with this problem to the mutual benefit of both, then some sort of counseling is highly recommended to get to the root cause of the problem.

Wildcat21

Well - if he's been to the doctor.....then, in my book this is a deal breaker.

He is a rude, selfish lover.
If he's not willing to listen and change then move on - this is a HUGE issue!!! Huge!!!!


There are FOUR key essentiaqls to a great relationship. You must be compatible i nall four to make them last long term....

1. Spirituality - are you both on the same vibe....same likes....beliefs in religion....nature....the world....are you both joyous.

2. Sex -are you compatible - same ideas - same needs - please each other. Enjoy the same things.

3. Finances - do you both spend the same - same savings goals - both frugle or not. Need to be on the same page.

4. Sociability - are you both coach potatoes or can't sit still. This is really important....are you both social butterflys???.....do you like to go out a lot or stay home.

Wildcat21

Bad uncompatible sex is a huge deal breaker. Huge.

This numnut doesn't understand romance, fourplay, commumications etc.

Deal breaker....why on earth put up with that?

EnglishRose

See all those other catogories are perfect. We totally wants the same things. He admits we have a problem but he doesn't seem to want to do anything. I have asked him if there is anything I can do but he doesn't really give me real answers. He will say things like he's disracted by mess in the house or hes tired. To be honest he has always been like this. At first I just pestered him and put up with the lack of foreplay but now its really getting to me so I get annoyed then he says I'm putting to much pressure on. We talked about councilling but if he cantr talk to me about it then how is he going to talk to a stranger? Also we are really hard up for cash over the next two months because he has taken a pay drop to futher his career so I'm not even sure we could afford counciling

kaitou

If it has been a problem since the beginning, he might have sexual desire disorder or some other sexual dysfunction. It is a type of psychological disorder in the DSM.