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I'm 2 days into NC but Valentine's Day is coming up. What do I do?
I'm in a bit of a jam. I know I can't really do much. I'll try to make this as short as possible.
We were super crazy about each other. Always honest, always REALLY wanting each other, very intense, very passionate. She kept saying (and still does) that I'm so good to her. I know I am. It's really easy to be with her. I finally committed to someone and was so ready to marry her.
The crazy thing is/was that I wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with me. And on and on...
Anyways, recently, things have totally changed. I mean, we still respect each other and are on good terms but her feelings have changed. Her heart's not in it anymore. She's unhappy and just feels like she's suffocating. Now she needs me to give her space to figure out what she's doing, where she belongs and what the right thing to do is.
The tricky thing is that she is Muslim. I am not. And I'm not religious at all. Her family has disowned her. She left the east coast and all of her friends to come out here to the west coast to be with me. She's been here almost a year but still we didn't get our own place. She lives about 2 hours away because her work is there. Here she is resentful every time she has to take the bus in the rain or the dark all for me when I'm at home with car in the garage and I'm playing video games or something. You know, so I feel really bad about that because I can't be there for her. And now, I'm saying let's get a place, let's move in but obviously it's now gone on too long and it's pretty much too late for that.
But together we are an amazing couple, really into each other. We have had so much fun together, travelled countries together, discovered cities and really enjoyed being with each other.
So, now, here I am. I've made the same mistake as a lot of other people, calling her, begging her to give me a chance, all that... she did come around after that for a few days... she left her laptop, her shoes (which coincidentally she told me she loves), plus asked if I could bring her contact solution next time I come. Bla, blah.
That happened and she left to go to work. While she was there, she called me and told me she needs space to find her way kind of thing. I was like: "That's cool. You do what you have to do but I won't put my life on hold."
I haven't spoken to her since, which has only been 2 days now, but I'm totally in love with her and want to work this out. I just don't know how. I know I have to give her space but this is just so hard not knowing. I don't if I can do something or not. I want her back, obviously. But I also want to make things right, make things better.
Plus, Valentine's Day is coming up. I just started NC (no contact). It's only been 2 days. Now, I wonder if I should get her anything for Valentine's Day, have contact with her, try to work it out, leave, never turn back, continue NC, or perhaps something entirely different. Please help.
i would continue with NC for valentines. My ex broke up with me soon before christmas... i left her alone, and she did the same to me... treat it like its any other day... if she contacts you, great, but if not, dont let it get to you... if she contacts you later and tries to make you feel guilty just remind her that this is what she wanted.
Well this is a pretty tough situation to be in.
Whatever her reasons for feeling trapped and needing space, she's probably regretting the estrangement from her family, and partially blames you for that. I have a good friend who was dating a muslim girl, and converted so that her family would allow them to be together. I don't expect you to do the same, but understand how difficult it can be for her culture to be so against your relationship.
This might not be the problem at all though. She might just be having second thoughts or getting cold feet. Have you asked her about her reasons for this? Has she tried to contact you?
NC is probably a good technique. Or at least backing off until she decides she's comfortable talking to you. Perhaps on valentines day you could send her a message reminding her that you're thinking of her, but anything more seems inadvisable.
The best thing to do is wait for her to make a move.
Stick to NC! If she wants space, show her what life would be without you. Me and my ex have been NC on and off. Now she's all huffed because I took her Christmas presents back-it seemed as if we began making up shortly after Thanksgiving, but even then the times we talked and saw each other were far and few between. Neither one of us uttered a word to each other on Christmas and New Years. Then out of the blue on Jan.8, she sends me a text message saying she has my Christmas present-well after the fact. Anyways, stick to your guns. I don't expect to hear anything from her-her new boyfriend will probably get her flowers, a stupid teddy bear, or even jewelry but I could care less. Save your money or treat yourself to a Valentine's present-NC is about you, to heck with your ex. She doesn't deserve diddly-squat. Jason
), but it truly is just another day. You've decided to do NC. Do it.
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