I am having a really difficult problem in my marriage right now, and it is causing me a great deal of anguish. I'm at a loss here and I have no idea what to do.

I have been married for seven months, but my husband and I dated for four years prior to our wedding. In that time, we had a fantastic sex life. Even after years passed and the "newness" wore off, we still could not keep our hands off of one another. Unfortunately, since we tied the knot, my husband's interest in me has steadily waned to a screeching halt. I am still very much attracted to him and would prefer sleeping with him over anyone else in the world. I am relatively young (22, he is 33), and I have not gained weight or let myself go since our wedding. In fact, since the big day I have lost 20 lbs (I'm about average build with generous curves now) and I rarely dress down. I'm attentive to my appearance without being high maintenance, so I don't think the issue along those lines.

Aside from our sex life, everything else is great. We can't get enough of one another's company, and he always wants to snuggle and touch me. I do believe he is in love with me. Objectively, I do believe he finds me attractive. But he is not interested in having sex. I did not want to approach the issue verbally, because I felt that it would put too much pressure on him. So I dropped lots of little hints, tried lingerie, rubbing up against him; you know, the usual things a woman would do in this situation. I also thought that maybe if I became more responsible so that he never had to be in the "mean daddy" role, he would view me as a mate again. I have tried. Nothing has worked.

Finally, I brought it up very directly and told him that I needed to understand what is going on with him. He admitted that he has some kind of strange problem with viewing his wife in a sexual manner. I know that some men stop associating their wives with a sexual role after she becomes a mother. It seems to be an analogous issue, except with a marriage certificate and a shared checking account instead of a baby. He didn't really consciously realize this until I prodded him to think and talk about what is going on, and he seemed greatly disturbed and upset by this realization.

The situation is consuming me and there isn't an end in sight. There's nothing much that I can do; it's pretty much all on him to mentally work through his issues. But I am incredibly unhappy. I'm not ready to give up on my sex life at age 22. An "open relationship" is not an acceptable solution; in fact, it would be the final nail in the coffin. For what it's worth, I strongly doubt that he is cheating, in case that is what anyone is thinking. I can read him like a book and I know if he is lying.

According to him, he "just needs to get out of his head". But I don't know how to deal with this in the meantime. I know it's not good thinking so fatalistically, but I can't stop wondering if this is a problem that can even be resolved, ever. Which breaks my heart because I truly am in love with him and want to spend the rest of our lives together.

I just don't know what to do.

MylieStylie08

I am so empathetic to your situation, because I am also in a marriage where there is little to no sexual involvement though for different reasons. I won't go into my problem, but I just had a quick idea after reading your post.
What about doing a little role playing, like out at a restaurant/bar, you could go and sit at the counter, and let him see you as "single" you know flirting a little with other guys, and then he can swoop in and try to pick you up. And you could be coy but eventually "go home" with him...might lead to some steaminess...just a thought.
This is really a tough one.