Married to a guy that has been married before who has a son, I also been married, and have a son. When we have his son I know for sure that he will never treat my son like his own the way he treats his son.
When i see them together sometimes I could not help but wish that i am still with the father of my son, because i know that only him can be a real father to his own.
I know that a real father can only give the truth, and unconditional love for his own son.
Separated for over a year now. Ex has gf, and i also have a bf. We have 2 beautiful kids together. It was hard at first. Been together for 11 years.
Not till this afternoon my younger son got very upset because iIwas going through the computer with him, and he saw a our family photo, then just a photo of me and him. He is 7 years old. Ne started crying loud, and saying he wants his dad, so i hug him, he was very upset, I then ask him why? When all he could say was i"I just want to hug my dad mummy, please bring him home".i I started crying because i could feel his pain,he used to see them every weekend, but now, he is too busy with gf. Then while i was hugging him, and both of is crying, iIwas thinking, I wish it is that easy, I wish i could just say to him please come home, come home...
I want him to be more responsible, I feel that he does not care about our son as much since we separated. I feel so hurt for my son. I just wish he could be an adult about the whole situation. I know i cannot control everything but he is his son. I would do anything for my son's happiness,but i cannot take him back because I know I will never be happy after knowing that the excuse of our separation was him cheating on me.
I think your son just feels like he is missing out on some parts of life. I used to feel like that because my mom and dad broke up before I was even born. Just show your son how much you love him, by doing nice family things, take him out to places. Make him realize hes soo lucky to have a great loving mom. that it doesn't matter if the dad isn't there.
Maybe he just needs to spend more time with your son to bond with him.
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While I don't doubt in this situation you describe that a father would choose his own over yours, I do know many men who have loved children that were not their own, including me. I don't have any so in that regard I have never been asked to make a choice. If he absolutely can't stand your son, isn't this something you noticed prior to the marriage?
I feel your pain, and I don't know whether this new guy is a husband, or a boyfriend, but I do know that it takes a lot of time to bond in a blended family, and all you can do is be patient, and give a lot of love to all the children.
I get your hurting over this for your son, and the circumstances of a bad situation, but whether the ex can be a good dad or not, you still have to give the new dad a chance, and worry about the now, which you can control, and leave the past, which you can't control, alone.
I hope you, and the ex can work better together, but if you can't, then its on you.
Let's look at this from the perspective of your son. I can do this because I went through the same thing when my father left when I was five.
I really didn't get it, at five he was gone. I remember him picking me up, hugging me, gave me a kiss and said 'remember, I love you.' I never saw him again until I was eighteen. And then realized that he was an alcoholic and in many ways nothing like I had imagined him, since in my mind, I created this super dad.
My misfortune is that I got the neurotic, jealous step dad from h*ll. I won't go into that now.
But when I saw 'Ozzie and Harriet', 'My Three Sons' and 'Leave it to Beaver' on TV every week...or visited school friends who had both parents there with them...it was a different world that I would never have..... it tore my heart out, literately.
Why didn't MY dad stay? Why did he not love me enough? I must have done something that made him hate me enough to run away from my mom and me. I obviously know a lot more now and understand. But it hurt.....it hurt deeply, for a long time.
The advice that you received above from Chanelpumpkin, Chuff and Tal is great. Give the new man in his life a chance to be his Dad. Remember, any man can be a father, being a Dad is something special.
I tried my best to be a Dad to my two children (grown now with kids of their own) and the lessons that I learned on how to be a Dad came from my mother. She was an angel on earth that showed me daily that I was special and very much loved.
You love your son, spend time with him, show him, hug him.
And... try to answer his questions Nueve, he needs that and he will remember for the rest of his life that you were the anchor in his life. Try not to let any animosity you are feeling toward your ex husband be transferred to you son. If you have any please don't say anything negative about him to your son, if there are any, he will find that out himself eventually. And later he will not hold anything you said against you.
thank you all so much..=( you all made me cry.i know i can only give what i can,it's just that i wish he could still be there for our son,he was always good to him thats why i couldnt understand why he could just turn around like that,it is sad.
I never say anything bad about my ex to my son,whenever he ask for him i just say some excuse like work and i always tell him that his father loves him.not even a phone call to his son.
I guess i am hurting too,i have been with him for almost 11 years,it is not easy,but i am moving on,i am with a man that would give the world to me,i appreciate him all the time
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