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    Hurt and confused

    Asked Sep 12, 2013, 11:34 AM — 5 Answers
    My first boyfriend and I were dating since my freshmen year of high school. I am now a freshmen in college, our relationship lasted about four years. He decided one day to break up with me, because he needs time to focus on college and on himself. You see, he broke up with me about two years ago and we were apart for about two months when he came back to me because he realized he made a big mistake. While we were apart last time he was talking to two other girls which really upset and hurt me. However, when he asked for me back I was so ecstatic I was never happier!

    Now here I stand four years later and he broke up with me a month ago. Like last time he has found a new girl to take my place. However, this time it feels different. He is always writing on her Facebook wall and always liking and commenting on her pictures. It is so hard to know that he lied to me that he didn't need to focus on himself or school work, he already found somebody new to move onto. I'm all alone I feel like. It hurts to know that after what we had he can move on so fast and I'm here crying from missing him so.

    I feel guilty about many things I did wrong and I did apologize for those things to him. However other than that we have no contact with each other, other than the fact that we both go to the same college together and I will occasionally pass him. He told me he loved me and that I will always be his first love and that maybe we can get back together along the road. It hurts to know that after everything we have been through he can move on that fast. Also did I mention the new girl he is talking to is 16 and he is 19 almost 20 years old?

    So here is my question:
    1) Do you think he will regret breaking up with me?
    2) Do you think he will ever come back to me like he did last time he broke up with me?
    3) How do I get over him like he seems to have gotten over me?
    4) How can I stop thinking about him? I try to stay very busy but something keeps brining me back to thinking about him. I thought he was the one, and he even told me he wanted to marry me. However now here we stand broken up.

    Last edited by talaniman; Sep 12, 2013 at 11:46 AM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,030, Reputation: 10286
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    #2

    Sep 12, 2013, 12:05 PM


    So here is my question:
    1) Do you think he will regret breaking up with me?

    From time to time between new love interests.

    2) Do you think he will ever come back to me like he did last time he broke up with me?

    Probably if the new girl doesn't work out. Probably won't last long.

    3) How do I get over him like he seems to have gotten over me?

    Acknowledge that your feelings were deeper and are more hurt than his are and allow yourself more time to mourn and heal from being dumped TWICE by the same person. Don't let it happen a THIRD time, no matter what, because for sure he has gotten over the romantic attachment of his first love and wants to experiment, and explore on his own. Let him, let yourself heal until YOU are ready For YOUR own opportunities, and options to explore and experiment YOURSELF.

    4) How can I stop thinking about him? I try to stay very busy but something keeps brining me back to thinking about him. I thought he was the one, and he even told me
    he wanted to marry me. However now here we stand broken up.


    Forget him being the one and all the lofty talk in the past! Of course he will be in your thoughts for a while, but if you keepbeing busy, and keep NO CONTACT, you will eventually heal. Be patient as some take longer than others to move beyond the hurt, and heal.

    Still sucks though, no matter how you cut it, to be dumped, and worse when its TWICE, by the same person. Trust me you are not alone. Read the stickies here to see that's a fact.
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    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,839, Reputation: 2034
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    #3

    Sep 12, 2013, 01:02 PM
    Forget him. He has jerk wr him. Itten all over him. He is still playing you. He sets your hopes up so you put yourself on hold while he does as he pleases. Most likely he has no intention of coming back. Sort of like, in his mind letting you down easy.
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    confusedmm's Avatar
    confusedmm Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 13, 2013, 06:11 AM
    Thank you for the great advice! It does help to look and read your comments. Last night I went out country line dancing and his friends were there. Ugh! They came up to me and basically said that they hate me, and that I broke up with my ex? It hurts that he is telling everyone that because that is not true at all, he ended it with me and is now seeing somebody new. He is telling everyone I ended it with him, and to hate me, and that people have to pick "sides". He is also telling people I had a thing with someone before we were even broken up which is a total lie! We are 19 years old not 5. I was simply telling people that it was mutual and here he is going around saying these lies. What should I do? Why do you think he is doing these things?
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,020, Reputation: 5104
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    #5

    Sep 13, 2013, 06:17 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by confusedmm View Post
    Why do you think he is doing these things?
    It's just more of the same. Don't apologize or defend yourself or look panicky or sputter. Just smile like Mona Lisa and walk away.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,030, Reputation: 10286
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    #6

    Sep 13, 2013, 06:49 AM


    The sooner you stop dwelling on him and what his friends are doing, or saying, the sooner you can enjoy what YOU are doing. Healing is a process that must be gone through on easy days and times, as well as difficult ones.
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