I know this one is too long but I need advice.

I just had my 40th birthday last week. My b/f had planned to take me out to dinner. It was planned about 3 weeks prior to my birthday. During that week, he got poison ivy but he never said anything about canceling our plans. He called me that morning and told me I could come up at any time. Since he works at night, I told him I give him a chance to sleep before I came over so he wouldn't be tired when we went out. When I called him and told him I was on my way, he still didn't say anything about canceling dinner plans. He lives about an hour away so he still had time to rest while I was on my way. When I got there I saw that he wasn't dressed to go out. He just showed me the poison ivy on his feet. I gathered that we were not going out so I was very disappointed even though I understood. After all this was a special birthday for me.

When he saw how disappointed I was he got angry and started getting ready to go out. I told him that was okay because if he went out and didn't want to, we were not going to have a good time. I cried because I didn't want my birthday to go that way. He told me I was acting like a child and then he just went off on me and told me how selfish I was and how I was just thinking of myself and that he was through with me. He said he hadn't had any sleep and he had the poison ivy but I didn't care about him. Now just the week before that he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I was trying to reason with him and it got worse. I never insisted that he take me out it was just the look of disappointment. I told him even if he had of told me when I was on my way over there I could have been prepared. I was really looking forward to it. He told me not to touch and to stay away from him and he said very hurtful things to me.

The next day was his birthday and I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday but he was still nasty to me. He called me 10 minutes later and said how he thought about it and he's not angry with me and I'm not a bad person and he's not going to stop talking to me. I guess that meant being with me. Well I was offended by that because if anyone was to be angry it should have been me. I don't think I did anything wrong.

I talked to him again the day after he called and I told him he owed me an apology. He got mad at me again and told me not to bring it back up. That it was a bad taste in his mouth and I just make things worse when I keep talking about it. He told me again that he was through with me and he's never going to talk to me and just to stay away from him. He went a couple of day without calling me. I think he was surprised when he didn't see my number on his caller id because I would usually keep calling him when we get into it and he stop calling me. When he did call, he just went on talking to me like nothing never happened. He still calls 2 or 3 times a day. I'm still hurt because he said horrible things and has not apologized.

I really care for him but do you think it's time for me to move on or should I give him a chance to apologize even though I don't think he is. Was it wrong that I showed that I was disappointed when I saw the condition he had?

I think you did absolutely nothing wrong. He could have told you the 'date' was off, but he acted like a little boy, needing you there for him and his owee, not caring about your feelings! And if he can't understand the dissapointment and can't say 'I'm sorry', then he is a very selfish person. He probably thinks it's not a "manly" thing to do - in that case, he needs to regroup and be more sensitive towards women, which I don't think he is-. You did right in not calling him, and should not call him or respond to his calls for a while - he needs to be taught a lesson or he'll never learn or grow. If he has a 'bad taste' he's ashamed but the 'man' in him does not let him show emotions except as a defense. Belated Happy Birthday! By the way. My birthdays were never important either, but those men who did not care enough are out of my life. The last one is now my b/f again, after a two year break, it took him that long to realize what he lost and learn how to be more caring of me. So you see there is a chance if you really care for him, but don't contact him, make him realize your value and hope it sinks in. I know this sounds hard, but the pain will fade along the way. Do not however, forget, you can forgive in time, but don't be too quick about that either. You deserve to be treated better and he needs to realize this, no matter how long it takes. When he said he did not want to 'face' you, he meant he does not want to 'face' his childishness, errors and faults. Good Luck to you.

My opinion of it all is, he snapped out on you because he was GUILTY!

My 30th birthday, my boyfriend had the flu, He sent a singing telegram to the house, had food and balloons delivered. There was no way in the world that he would have dreamed of ruining my birthday because he was ill.

There was a million and one things that he could have done to compensate for his short comings, but the fact that he did not even try, refused to accept responsibility for it, turned it all around and lashed out at you, didn't even have the maturity to apologize, and still to this day has refused to even own up to his lack of consideration for the woman that he "loves", shows that this guy is a immature jerk, that doesn't know how to handle his own guilt!

I am not going to say dump him, when you have had enough of having all of his immature stunts, you will know exactly what to do.

Good luck, you will need it dealing with this guy!

Some guys are clueless on these things and nothing is going to change their ways. If your b/f is one of THEM, you need to accept him as is or dump him. Don't bother try to change him. It is extremely rare for someone like that to change. It will bring a lot more grief to both of you.

-A man over 40 :o