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How would you respond to this?
Asked Nov 22, 2006, 12:53 AM
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33 Answers I know this may seem trivial to some, but any opinions that can help would be appreciated. Does anyone else think that it is slightly cruel of an ex (whom you have told that you don't want to be friends with and with whom you have not had contact with for over 2 months) to email you out of the blue and casually tell you that he is now living with the girl he dumped you for? Well, this happened to me a couple of days ago and I have been very hurt by it. We were together just over a year. Though it was a long distance relationship, we spent as much time together as we could before I was to move to him earlier this year. We had vacationed together only two weeks before he dumped me and it was shocking because things seemed to be going so well. I was completely floored by his actions. It was completely out of nowhere as we had been planning our next trip together only days before he dumped me. I told him I couldn't be friends as he had asked and I tried to just let it go move on, though I was never unkind to him. So I find this to be kind of cruel because I had told him several times that I couldn't be friends after how he hurt me by suddenly dumping me for this other girl earlier this year, yet he wouldn't leave me alone. I never asked about this other girl or if he was even seeing anyone at all. I didn't want to know because I knew how badly it would hurt. I was hurt for a long time, but I had finally accepted it was over (though I still care for him in some ways), had finally been feeling sort of better, moving on, and minding my own business when he hits me out of the blue with this and brings the hurt back all over again. Now I have been crying for the past two days. I feel that I have been sent right back to square one. How should I best respond to this? Should I respond to his email? Would anyone else feel angry and hurt by this calloussness over a situation that had been very painful for me? I certainly wouldn't have told him this so casually had the tables been turned and I had dumped him for another guy. I certainly wouldn't have contacted him out of the blue with it when he clearly stated that he didn't want to be friends, had been very hurt by my actions, and hadn't contacted me at all for months. What should I say in reply to him? I just feel so angry that he brought all those painful feelings back for me. I had not cried over him in months. |
33 Answers
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| Hello there, Yes..What he has done to you is very, very wrong. This is also extremely immature of him to do this to you. You have quite rightly made it clear to him that you did not want to be friends after he dumped you. Why did he want to retain friendship anyway? That sounds a bit strange to me? Please don't repond to the e-mail, he is far from worth it and certainly NOT worth your tears. The very fact that he has e-mailed you with this shows that he wants you to respond. Don't give that to him! He has hurt you (TWICE NOW), don't give him an opportunity to do it again. You will find someone far more deserving of you...in time to come... All the best.. | ||||
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| Pat yourself on the back, and thank yourself for not going ballistic over an e-mail. There is a thin line between friendship and stuffing an ex's happiness in someone's face. That line was crossed, it seems. He may have been something to you in the past, but there is no future with this man so tears are very unnecessary over someone with cruel intentions. In the event that he may have POSSIBLY just wrote you to give an update on how he's been is one thing, but seems that the only thing he had to say was "I'm with someone new, Let me rub some salt in an open wound!" I suggest you block his e-mail, have a girls' night out and be happy to be free from his immaturity...no sense in missing that, especially. | ||||
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| Thanks for your replies everyone. It just sucks that he ruined my Thanksgiving week when I was feeling pretty accepting that it was over lately. I was doing no contact, minding my own business and everything. The weirdest part is that his initial email to me out of the blue (after these 2 month of nothing after I had told him that I didn't want to be friends because it was too hard for me) contained nothing but a very cute inside joke that he and I shared that no one else would get or even know about. When I saw that first email, I thought, wow he must be thinking of the fun we had when we made up that little joke and how we laughed at it over and over, only the two of us. So I replied thinking that he must be missing me, only to have him drop the bomb on me ever so casually that he is no longer living alone and is living with her now, but she isn't working and he has to pay all the bills. He said hopefully she soon will be working and then they will have all kinds of money and went on and on about the house they live in together. Then he went on to talk about a movie like this last wouldn't upset me in the least. I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor! I mean this is the girl dumped me and broke my heart for. Can anyone really be this oblivous to another person's feelings? Or am I just crazy? I would never dream of doing that to a guy I had dumped for someone else! It just seems so overall cruel to get my attention with our cute little inside joke only to throw that crap on me that he lives with her now. I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is. | ||||
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Sorry, I know you once had feelings for the guy but he just does not seem to be worth any of your time. Just ignore him! | ||||
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| Goodness, what a jerk. It makes one wonder just what goes on in some peoples minds. Well, you are so lucky he is out of your life. It does make you want to email him with a few inside tips about his personality and would love to hear someday that she has dumped him. Or to wish him a happy Thanksgiving...hope your turkey burns. Aside from that, I would certainly not let him know I cared. Keep your pride. At first it is hard to not show emotions in front of him when you were so caught off guard. After that, Never let him know you are crying over him, especially now. You have been doing good, keep it up, do not allow him to take your peace away and control your feelings. That is what he is trying to do. Altho you are no longer together he wants to still have some control over you. There would be no other reason to email you after this time with that kind of information. Evidently he was seeing her while he was seeing you, that means he is not a man of integrity. He will soon be playing with someone else while he is with her. I am sure his new girlfriend has not a clue he is emailing you. Good luck and have a good Thanksgiving. Do not even let someone like him make your day bad. You deserve so much more and better and you will get it. When you move in with someone it will be with a ring on. | ||||
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| Also.. This guy will crash and burn... Eventually.. Might be good for him in the sense that he will realise what he gave up..Might make him a better person perhaps? Or maybe not.. Who cares>? Not your concern really.. | ||||
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| What he did to you is wrong and he is only doing this because he wants to make you jealous. Don't respond to his email and just leave him alone...if you don't respond he will see that you don't care. Delete the email, and if he calls you don't answer the phone. If he emails you anymore don't even open them, just delete them right away! Hope this helps | ||||
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| <<I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is.>> Naa don't bother , what a jerk..........if anything write back a oneliner "Good for you, I've met someone very special also and I feel so happy" But I guess no contact is the best. | ||||
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