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Home > Family & People > Relationships   »   how would you feel/react if you were my boyfriend and I did this to you?

 
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Old Mar 2, 2008, 11:02 PM
angerhodes
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how would you feel/react if you were my boyfriend and I did this to you?

hi my name is angela and i have never done a site before. It's late and there is no one I can talk to. i just wanted an opinion on what happened early this morning after my boyfriends sisters wedding. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. i love him and his family so much. last night his sister got married and i couldnt have been happier. itwas so romantic and very fun. i really felt like part of the family and my boyfriend and i were having a blast. we have had a lot of trust issues in our relationship because we tend to drink too much when we do drink and people tend to do stupid things. i didnt think the night could get any better, i guess it was doomed to fail. anyway, after the wedding had ended, we went t a bar next door. after that is all a blur but i remember being in a hotel room with the guys standing up in the wedding without my boyfriend playing cards. after that, me and him had gotten into a fight and he had left me at the hotel. i stayed awake with a girlfriend and 2 other guys when my boyfriend showed back up at the hotel. he saw me get out of a room with the two guys and the girl... nothing happen intimately! he was very drunk and started to scream at the one guy and then punched him in the face in the lobby. the front desk lady called the cops... the guy he punched was the grooms best friend. when the cops came they just had me and him leave. we took a cab back to his house but he then called my mother to pick me up and broke up with me. i didnt talkto him all day but i talked to his mom and she was crying asking me why i would be in a room alone with other guys and saying that dave ruined the wedding experience. she then hung up on me after telling me that we both need to stop drinking. he hasnt called all day except at 10 tonight... leaving a message saying that he knows what i did and that i cheated on him and that we were really over and i had made a big mistake but wont call or answer since then. i dont know how we got seperated and i feel terrible but i really didnt cheat on him, hes my heart. i was just drunk and hanging out. i know guys can think otherwise and i never wanted to hurt anybody. im gonna stop drinking for a while i just dont know what i would do if i lost him. like i said hes my everything. i hope i made my night clear enough, i just wanted to know from someone else... would you have reacted the same? do i just need to give him some time? how should i handle this situation? would you forgive your girlfriend? thanks

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Old Mar 7, 2008, 05:44 PM   #21  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angerhodes
we have had a lot of trust issues in our relationship because we tend to drink too much when we do drink and people tend to do stupid things.

This makes me think things have happened (while either yourself or him have been drinking) to hurt your trust. (that was a redundant statemant I apologize) But given that statement you made, would make me understand where he might have assumed the worst in the case of you being in the room with 2 guys, and one girl.

He may be wrong, but did he have any history to base it on? Was it such a far fetched conclusion? Oh he handled it way wrong, and I agree if drinking causes this many problems, it should definatly be stopped or at least set yourself a limit.

I personally hate the excuse that "I was drunk so I did this/that" I have been as drunk as any other person could, and although I obviously cant control my motorfunctions (lol) or my slurring. I never would, or did do anything that would jeapordize the person I care abouts trust. Albeit people are different, point is set a limit, or quit all together. I went 5 years (from age 18) not drinking and had just as much fun as I do when i drink sometimes now.

Just give him time, talk calmly when he is ready.

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catherinetodd disagrees: People seem to miss the fact that this man committed assault. He is a very dangerous person to be around, which is the biggest issue for her to deal with.
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Old Mar 7, 2008, 05:44 PM   #22  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catherinetodd
ScottGem: If you think giving "advice" as to punching someone else does follow these guidelines, I would suggest that you re-read them yourself. I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you the one who charges 75¢ per minute for your "advice?" Are you asking me to pay you?

You obviously don't read carefully. I may not agree with TrueFaith's advice, but he is entitled to his opinion. The post was opinion, not a matter of fact. So your use of the negative rating was inappropriate. What's worse is you compound your rude and inappropriate behavior by attacking me for pointing out the guidelines to you.

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CONTROLFREAK2 : This person has missed the point. Doesn't "work well or play well with others."
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Old Mar 7, 2008, 05:46 PM   #23  
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your an angry person cath you attack more people than i do.

relax girl show some respect

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catherinetodd disagrees: Surely you read the response to your comment. Enough side.
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Old Mar 7, 2008, 06:39 PM   #24  
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The guidelines that I linked to answer most of your questions. Again I ask did you bother to read them. Nothing is stopping you from posting a response that expresses your disagreement with someone's post. Using the comments feature for disagreeing with an opinion is inappropriate.

I am a moderator for this site and, as such, it is part of my job to see that its guidelines are followed.

I have not called you disparaging names, I have referred to actions you have taken. For someone not willing to engage in an argument, you are doing a awful lot of arguning.
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Old Mar 7, 2008, 07:23 PM   #25  
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i got a reddie thats cool. While I didn't miss the fact he committed assault, I dont think punching a guy and thats it is a "omg this guy is a bad guy to be around if he punches people" If he sat there and pummeled the guy, kicked him while he was down, or just plain went off on him. Ya dangerous. Punching someone who you think (albeit possibly a mistaken assumption, possibly) messed around with your girlfriend/wife whatever the case is, Means your a horrible person. Alchohol prob egged on an already bad situation, and I doubt the other guy just stood there mute. It escelated, and resulted in a single punch from what I read.

And this is all just my opinion, I stand by my original advice with one addition

IF he has a history of violence, then you should definatly consider that before pursueing a relationship. I in no way agree with men taking thing out on woman or anything like that. So if he has ever done that he is not worth it.

punching another guy he thinks you cheated on him with, while stupid, is understandable.

again my opinion.

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TrueFaith agrees: ill balance you these people dont know how to work on this board. ;)
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Old Mar 8, 2008, 11:16 PM   #26  
catherinetodd
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Dear Folks, I will no longer be able to participate on this forum, but I wish angerhodes the best and hope that any negative comments here did not drive her away. Come back if you need or want to, my dear! I hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend. Sincerely, Catherine Todd,

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ScottGem agrees: You are free to participate here as long as you follow the rules of this site.
TrueFaith disagrees: im gonna be a kiddy here :) dont let the door hit you on the way out :D ho ho
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Old Mar 9, 2008, 06:06 AM   #27  
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Any drunk has the potential to be dangerous, and he is only part of the issue. She has a role to play, and when they drink together stuff happens, as a result, so lets not let her off the hook, and hang him out to dry, as they both could stand to be hung out for a while. That's what drunks do when they get together, and until someone wants to change that, it will continue. If a drunk has trouble walking a straight line and touching his nose, do you think he will assess reality with accuracy? No way. Her solution is simple, stop drinking, and stay away from drunks.

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Chery agrees: You said it Tal. Alcohol is the leader in messing people up physically and emotionally, worldwide - more than other drugs. And, it kills more than just brain cells.
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Old Mar 10, 2008, 10:24 AM   #28  
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TrueFaith disagrees: im gonna be a kiddy here dont let the door hit you on the way out ho ho

The same thing that I told Catherine applies to you as well. Please check the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedbac...ure-24951.html

Your giving her a negative rating was even worse then her rating of you. At least she was new and didn't understand how we do things here. You didn't have that excuse.
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Old Mar 10, 2008, 11:08 AM   #29  
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sorry :P
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Old Mar 10, 2008, 11:25 AM   #30  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angerhodes
after that is all a blur . . .
So if it was all a blur, maybe you did cheat on him.
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