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My wife and I became pregnant with our first son after dating for just months. This situation created a lot of stress mixed with hormones and things were very rocky. She left me on harsh terms, note the pregnancy, and I reacted immaturely by dating another woman for a short period (dating as in being in the company of another woman, not a developed or sexual relationship). I came to my senses and abandoned that situation before the birth of my son, that was about a 2 month period. I cut ties with anything in my life and got back together with my now wife. We got married, got a house, and are now pregnant with another child.
Now it's resurfacing, I'm assuming because of the situation that we created during her last pregnancy and the new pregnancy stirring that up, and I don't know how to address it. She says that she sees me as the person who did those things to her and can't see me as anything else, now matter how good of a father or husband I am.
I try to explain that it is a mistake I made and have only proved in the years that this mistake is not my character. But she sees that mistake as me.
Any idea on how to approach this, or ways to resolve it? Is it serious enough of a situation to contract a marriage counselor? I really want us to be able to move past this and continue with a great life..
"I won't apologize for the past that can't be changed when I am here now loving you with all my heart and all my action. I love you, I am committed to you and our children. Period.
"Think what you must, but with my every day I prove my devotion to you. I forgive your lack of faith in us because I understand you and appreciate what you're going through.
"When you're ready to forgive me you will find I am still here defending our love and slaying the dragons for you. You are my life and I will stand by you, even when your heart is faltering, mine is not."
This needs to be the mantra of your interactions with her on this issue. Married people forgive. So you forgive her for her attitude. Forgive her to her face and MEAN it. Love her, and do not argue against her position. This is not a right/wrong issue, it's a forgiveness issue. Teach it by doing it and meaning it.
This wife of your's needs to forget all that happened in your past. Afterall it is you'r past. What did you do so wrong that made her look at you on the dark side?
My belief is that the dumper relinquishes any rights they may have had as to how the dumpee may live their life past the point of dump.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seven7s
But she sees that mistake as me...Is it serious enough of a situation to contract a marriage counselor?
I think she should see a counselor. She hasn't acknowledged her own complicity in the situation. In the course of a life, both of you will make mistakes. If she can't get over this one thing you did when you weren't technically together, it's going to be a long rough road.
She hates you when she is pregnant, am I right. Many woman feel that way, about the daddy knocking them up, so just be patient until after she delivers.
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