At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
I need some advice. Please do not give the standard "Move On" advice.
My GF broke up with me last Tuesday and I want to recover the relationship.
We broke up the Tuesday before that. The reason she stated was that she didn't have the feelings that she thought she should. The week before that I told her that I loved her and I think I spooked her. She became distant after that and then she broke up with me.
Here are some other details that I feel are important to the situation;
We had being going out for 6 1/2 months.
She initiated daily contact throughout the Relationship
She was always cuddly and affectionate
We had a very good physical relationship
3-4 weeks before the break up she went on vacation with her mother and father but called me daily. When she returned, she brought me back an expensive & thoughtful gift for my B-Day.
She also encouraged her kids to be close to me. She had them make me B-day cards. (She is very good mother and would not do this if she was having doubts.) She would also suggest to them that they give me hugs. She could also see that one of her kids was getting close to me and made no effort to stop that. She would say things to her like "are you with your (my name)"
In the weeks before the break up she has been very stressed by work. She was complaining on a daily basis that she was stressed, missing deadlines and exhausted.
A couple of days after I told her that I loved her she said she was feeling overwhelmed.
The day after that I was with her and her kids and she had to prepare for the next day so I suggested I leave with my kids. She said I shouldn't leave. I should let the kids play and I should keep her company while she got ready. If she was having doubts would she not have agreed that I should leave?
During the break up conversation, she said that she felt like she was being pulled in a million directions and had everyday planned out and had no time to be by herself. She also said a few times that she wasn't sure. She also said that she felt like she was going to be sick. She went on to say that she didn't understand it because I did everything that she likes and everything right. (her words)
I think there is more here than what she is saying. I think her actions are speaking louder than her words. I have a feeling that I spooked her by telling her that I love her. I also think that she is very stressed out.
However, I'm not sure what to do next. I really like her and I don't want to make the mistakes I have made in the past. At this point I have not spoken to her since the breakup. I have gone no contact with her and I am trying to give her some space. (It's hard to do) My question is how long should I do that for? I've done some searching on the internet and everything seems to be about getting back together after a big fight. I don't think that information applies. It's not like I can say sorry for saying I Love You.
Some suggestions would be helpful please. (As I said before, I'm not looking for give up and move on)
If you are friends for that long period then there is only one thing that, she is not sure about her feelings for you.
Let her be sure. She might be thinking that is she get in a stable relation with you and it will not work then kids might suffer. So be her friend.
I really do feel that something is there. I think I scared her or came on to strong when she wasn't ready. I also think that her stress level has something to do with it.
I am prepared to give her some time to work it out. However, patience is my problem. I want it now! I know I have to give her some time though.
I have been fighting the urge to break the ice and see what happens. I want to send her a quick email and say "I haven't heard from you in a bit, I hope everything is ok" I'm not sure if I should or not. I know a guy that went out with her once. We got talking about it at one point and I told her that he was pretty crushed when they broke up. Her reply was that he never contacted her or tried to get back together. I wonder if that is a reason that I should at least say something.
On the other hand, she did say she was very stressed and that she feels pulled in a million directions and has almost no time to herself. Plus is has only been a week.
The hardest part of giving someone the space they asked for is, the waiting to be told how they feel about you. Understandable. Our own feelings are what makes us impatient.
Don't give in, get out and do your thang rather than dwell on when, and what if.
Time flies when YOUR having fun, that is if you have your own thang to do, without them.
This is not a decision she made overnight so she has thought hard and long about this and her mind is made up for the moment. You can go over and over the things she did that made you think you knew what her feelings were , but the reality is her Action of leaving speaks a lot more than the so called words you believed.
The more you try to contact her at the moment the more likely that it will just push her away further. She knows you Love her because you told her , no need to reinforce in an email what may be one of the reasons she made her decision to leave.
As most of the others have said you really just need to give her what she asked for and that is a bit of space and let her sort herself out. not easy I know but thats the best thing to do.
Don't email her. Give her a quick call. Just cause she said no or wants to break up, doesn't mean you should leave her be. Keep trying. Don't become passion less like half of the world, who gives a damn more about their dignity and pride more than love. No wonder there are so much divorces these days cause people stopped trying.
Take her out for a quick lunch or something. just be there for her
you never know what's on a girls mind. Girls thinks differently from guys. I am in favor of a quick mail. At least she will know that you are still her friend. No matter whether she wants to be with you or not. A girl always like to be known that there is someone who care for her.
Regarding a call or a mail ? Even few written words can do magic if there are real feeling.
A mail just saying "I haven't heard from you in a bit, I hope everything is ok".
I think the whole 'I hope you're okay' line is getting played out. Use something different and try something different. I think a quick call would do better cause then you can still hear her voice and see how she reacts.
You've listed all these things that HAPPENED in your 6 1/2 months together that indicate her feeling towards you. Nobody will dispute that she DID enjoy being with you, that during THAT time she wanted to be with you, obviously THAT time has passed by. Using the good parts of the relationship as a means to convince yourslef these things still apply is not going to work.
Also, this contact stuff and those that think it wise to message her or call her or come up with some unique line to show how much you care, in my opinion, is gonna hurt you. I mean she started all of this because you said you love her, that's not a good sign. Also, here she is saying in quite plain English that she wants space and your plan is to not give it to her??? I suppose this is her way of saying I really, really, want to be with you and hear from you but I'm going to say the exact opposite of that and break up with you with the hopes that you will fight to get me back. Ummm ok.
Clearly, your not accepting this. You say you do not want to make thesamemistakes again but your making the same mistakes everyone makes in situations like these regardless of all the posts on this topic and their eventual conclusions. Oh, and we are not to advise you to move on.
I'm just painting the picture based on what you've said, if you don't see the reality of it your bound to do the least helpful thing in getting her back. Please take time to consider this.
Linear Mode
