My boyfriend and I are very much in love. Everything is perfect except one thing: He's SO jealous. He's told me that HIS GIRLFRIEND does not hang out with males unless they are long time friends and even that is iffy, I'm not allowed to see anyone I've dated (I'm friends with my exes), I'm not allowed to make any new guy friends. He says that if I even even get a guys phone number for friendship purposes, we're no longer together. My mother died when I was young and I think that's partially why it's just easier for me to talk to guys than girls. I'm not very comfortable around girls, so now I have no friends. I tell him how special he is to me and how I love him and would never want anyone else every day, multiple times a day, but his jealousy is getting worse. He brings up me hanging out with my friends when we first started dating calling it "going on dates with them" and holds it against me everytime we fight. He won't accept that I can have friends. He's even said I'm acting like a dumb whore when he was mad about it. I don't know what to do, I'm so lonely without friends to talk to but I don't want to lose the love of my life. Please give me some advice... =[

kctiger

You aren't allowed?? Is he your father? Once you start throwing that phrase at me then it is time for a serious talk...

limesandoranges

He is careful with what he says.. he words it as "that's not the kind of thing my girlfriend does" and "If you want to act that way, you can be my childish friend, not my girlfriend." I'm so scared, I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely, I have no friends, but I think I would feel worse without him. He is in his 30's, I'd think he would be more mature...

jmw0713

A little to no jealousy is OK. This much jealousy is not Healthy. The major hang up probably has to do with the fact that your are still friends with your exes. I think that would be red flag for a lot of guys, myself included.

My advice would be to take him out with you to meet these guys. Hopefully they get along and become friends. That what my ex did with me. She introduced me to all of her guy friends as her boyfriend and, with the exception of one, I became friends with them. It would still be cool to go out and get a beer with them if we ever met up somewhere.

Hopefully when he meets these guys, the jealousy will subside. If it doesn't...you gotta get out of the relationship and find someone else because he has security issues.

Jonny_br

you miss a big point here: nobody is more important than you, nobody owns you. He NEEDs you as much as you NEEDs him, if he don't think so, i'm sorry but i cant see a relationship going right in this picture.

to me he's blackmailing you because your play the needy role, it is wrong. if he really love you he wouldn'd blackmail...

but i wish very much to know how much is jealousy is normal.

obviously i'm too inexperenced , so other people here are much better with it , but that's what i feel

jmw0713

Little to none. Thats how much jealousy is appropriate in a relationship. Jealousy is a natural response to stress factors in a relationship that we have no control over. It occurs when there are major trust issues occurring in a relationship. We all know that trust is essential for a healthy and functioning relationship.

This much jealousy that she experiencing with her BF is not healthy.

Healthy jealousy would be like something like

"Well if your going out with your friends...I'll see you later because I'm going out and have fun with mine."

OR

"Oh your doing this...well I am going to do that and have fun with out you."

Remember though A LITTLE GOES A LOOOOONG WAY! You can over do jealousy VERY easily.

Those might not be good examples, but they are way different than:

"You're sleeping with this guy friend aren't you."

OR

"I don't want you to hang out with these guys or these other friends because I don't like them and I think your doing something behind my back!"

See this jealousy is erupting from trust issues and baseless acussations...which is unhealthy and kills the relationship, just like this situation.

I would say that the best amount of jealousy in a relationship is NONE AT ALL.

moomeacow

Listen to me I just broke up about a week ago, because she thought I was to controlling because I was to jealous and I wasn't i didn't care that much if she made new guy friends but I did tell her that she shouldn't and I restricted her from contacting her ex. guess what she went behind me and contacted her ex and like the new guy friend and broke up with me. the funny thing is she is equally as jealous if not more. first off no porno which I don't care about anyways cause when i'm with a girl I don't watch porn, no making new girl-friends, and no taking glances at girls passing by. I didn't care cause I loved her I didn't mind these things but in the end she was like you we broke up mainly because we kept having fights about the past. I nkow that I shouldn't have judged her by what she was but who she is. but she didn't understand her own jealous yet she put all these rules on me. just because I loved her and didn't point out many of her flaws when we broke up it was all about my flaws

moomeacow

I begged her to come back I told her I wouldn't mind you talking to your ex and checking up on each other and she told me she likes this new guy she met she did tell me that this guy reminds her all about her ex and said she had loved her ex the most.

mikedem7

there should be no jealosy in a good relationship trust is one of the best things between two people. the jealosy never stops once it is there. any man with a jealose streak has an internal problem. if you love him enough to help him, good luck

templelane

Without trust there is no relationship.
Yes he might be a little jeolous but if he trusted you you should be allowed any friends you like.
He sounds very controlling, a lot of abusive relationships start with removing t he person from support groups such as friends.

You give him a deal breaker- any boyfriend of mine would trust me and let me chose my friends.