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mudweiser · Jul 5, 2009, 08:06 PM

I was thinking...

Have you ever heard of the saying:

"How a guy treats his mother [or parents] is how he will treat you" ?

I've heard it and I found it to be true.

My daughter's father could be well, to put it nicely, he acted like a like a brat at times.

It played out in our relationship, how he would manipulate his mother, he would I. How he yelled at his mother, he would again do to me. How he would give her the cold shoulder, he would do so as well when he didn't get his way.. and so on and so forth.

So I'm just wondering...

Is there any truth to this advice?

Sarah

JoeCanada76 · Jul 5, 2009, 08:08 PM

No, Not always.

You need to understand. That sometimes people just do not get a long. Sometimes it is the parents or mother that manipulates the child or son. Whatever you will.

Each situation or circumstance is different. Maybe in your case it is true, but I would not say in all cases.

mudweiser · Jul 5, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

No, Not always.

You need to understand. That sometimes people just do not get a long. Sometimes it is the parents or mother that manipulates the child or son. Whatever you will.

Each situation or circumstance is different. Maybe in your case it is true, but I would not say in all cases.

Very good point Joe.

I would think that a total momma's boy wouldn't drop things off just for you if he's been a momma's boy all his life. Then he would have to answer to his momma, with his tail between his legs of course.

Sarah

Gemini54 · Jul 5, 2009, 08:25 PM

There is SOME truth in it, because in our intimate relationships we play out and (hopefully) heal the relationship that we had with our parents, which is effectively our very first relationship.

However, some people don't move beyond this first relationship and treat their partners like their mother or father. Somehow they have become emotionally blocked and haven't been able to grow beyond that first paternal or maternal connection.

Some people also seek the 'comfort' of a relationship that is like the one that they had with their parents - hence an abused child will seek a partner that is also an abuser - because that it what they 'know'.

I would say that if a guy treats his parents badly, one should be very cautious and if he treats them well, one should be very grateful! The response is important because it tells you a lot about that person and their capacity to forgive, relate, grow, etc.

fltstxo830 · Jul 5, 2009, 09:42 PM

There is truth in this. My ex actually was cruel to his mother, by shouting at her and swearing at her for no reason whatsoever, he did this to the rest of his family too. I thought he couldn't possibly treat me like that, but then later on in the relationship he started to get an attitude with me and start talking to me like he would his mother. I'm sure many guys are different, but in this case he was not.

mudweiser · Jul 5, 2009, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by fltstxo830

There is truth in this. my ex actually was cruel to his mother, by shouting at her and swearing at her for no reason whatsoever, he did this to the rest of his family too. I thought he couldn't possibly treat me like that, but then later on in the relationship he started to get an attitude with me and start talking to me like he would his mother. I'm sure many guys are different, but in this case he was not.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I'm sure you, as well as I, will have our eyes peeled for next time!

Sarah

makapuu · Jul 6, 2009, 02:50 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Have you ever heard of the saying:

"How a guy treats his mother [or parents] is how he will treat you" ?

I think I have found it more true than not. My boyfriend is very respectful to his mother and he's the same way with me. Another funny observation is that sometimes the guy marries the girl that is most like his mother. Sometimes the son is the splitting younger image of the father including how he treats women.

I would think that how a person treats you would first be influenced by what he knows. If you don't like it, you have choices. So it's up to you if you want it to be true.

slapshot_oi · Jul 6, 2009, 05:30 AM

I completely agree.

It makes sense why this would be the case, because the first love a man has is his mother. It's very hard to break habits that you learned when you were young. This is where misogyny starts, too.

Every girlfriend I had I treated like I treated my mother. I can get very impatient with mom and the way her and I think is night and day. I used to get so fed-up with my first girlfriend, sometimes for no reason at all, and I would even say, "God, you remind me of my mother". It wasn't until two years after did I realize I have a problem.

I was a jerk to mom when we lived together, but now that I've been on my own for four years, things have gotten better. When I go up to see her every weekend, we'll go out to dinner, my treat. It's because of this fact that I decided I really should strive to be a better son, and hopefully my outlook on realationships will be much healthier.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 6, 2009, 06:07 AM

It seems all one sided. I do not agree that it is always the case. There are people that fight with their mothers for good reason but it always looks bad on the child or the son. The thing is in certain circumstances it is the environment and the way the parents are that causes certain reactions. Once out of that environment does not mean that the behavior will continue. There is more then just one side here.

mum2five · Jul 6, 2009, 06:33 AM

My ex husband was a monster to his mother. He treated her with no respect at all. He would swear and be very argumentative and dismiss every rule she had - he went back to live with her at the age of 27 after his partner left him.
He would go out and get very drunk then scream he was not eating food she had cooked etc - as she would say tea ready at 5pm and he would roll in at 1am for example.
She was frightened of him and have to admit I witnessed some very bad arguments.
He blamed the bad relationship was due to his rubbish childhood.

I took over as the verbal target when we moved in together.
10 years of physical , mental , sexual and financial abuse later I left him.

I wish I had took note of the saying!!

ZoeMarie · Jul 6, 2009, 06:34 AM

Personally I've found this to be true. My dad told me this not too long ago. I guess I hadn't realized it until he said that.

mum2five · Jul 6, 2009, 06:37 AM

I am now with new partner who respects and loves his mum very much and they have a great relationship.

He in return respects me.

He sadly has his mum to deal with if we ever play argue in front of her as she takes my side and although he is 34 she never tires of telling him that he is never too old for a clip around the lug !

Bless he is 6ft and 15 stone and she is 5ft and 6 stone , they are a funny pair when together.

slapshot_oi · Jul 6, 2009, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

It seems all one sided. I do not agree that it is always the case.

This is true, it isn't always the case, there is always an exception to the rule, that's the Law of Averages.

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

There are people that fight with their mothers for good reason but it always looks bad on the child or the son.

This depends on the age of the child. If he's an adult then I agree, if he's a kid then it's quite the opposite.

It's pretty simple, if a guy is self-sufficient adult and he still treats his parents like dirt, then there is something wrong with him. Most people get over the "I hate my parents" stage (adolescence) by 18 or 19, if it's still going on at 25, time to see a psychologist.

anewday · Jul 6, 2009, 12:59 PM

I don't hate my parents, or dislike them even, but sometimes they frustrate me (even now!) and I do bear some annoyance at them.
Do I do this with partners? Yes, but to a much lesser degree. I know that there's a line that is not be stepped over, either with parents or partners, and they are two very different lines, in my opinion.
I've known people with very pleasant parents who turned out be incredibly nasty, and vice versa, so I don't think that it's a rule that can be set in stone.

jenniepepsi · Jul 6, 2009, 01:01 PM

I feel its true to a certain degree... my husband was abused by his mother, and in turn treated his mother very badly, and while my husband doesn't treat me badly, the potential is there especially when he is drinking, he will be very harsh and cruel (which is why he doesn't not drink at home anymore)

It depends on the person, the circumstances, and any other number of things.

I wish · Jul 6, 2009, 01:17 PM

1) Some people treat everyone the same.
2) Some people treat everyone accordingly.

In my opinion, it's always a two-way street. I think one's behavior towards another person highly depends on how that person treats you.

So in this case, our behavior towards our mother depends on how our mothers treat us. And our behavior towards our significant other should depend on how our significant other treats us. It's possible that one influences the other, so it depends on what type of person you are: 1) or 2).

Furthermore, the reason why one might influence the other is because we develop a closeness with our significant other that closely ressembles the closeness we have with our parents. We probably wouldn't develop the same closeness with friends. Since the similarities in our relationship with our parents and significant other is very similar, so the behavior can be similar.

Nikki1516 · Jul 6, 2009, 02:57 PM

My ex, walked on egg shells round his mum for fear of upsetting her, did it to me too! I wish he'd not been fearful of saying what he thought- it contributed to the end!