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Dear all,
im a indian married women.When i was 12yrs old.a guy from my school(who was senior to me) approched me for friendship.I was very studies that time and i was from a conservative family.and the worst thing is that i am a coward person.i dont have courage to do anything.I refuse that guys friendship.But after some years he again asked me.That time i was staying far from my parents for studies. i dono how or why but i accept to become his penfriend.We wrote so many letters(on normal or study related topics) to each other for 4 years.After some years when i went some other city for a job.He proposed me for marriage but i refuges again becoz i was not able to understand that whether i was in love with him or not.After 2years i came back to my hometown for further studies.Where he was already present.Once again after 2-3 years gap he again started calling me.HE use to presserise me to accept his love.He use to give more then 100 blank calls in my parents home.I was so scared of him.I was so coward ,i dont want to hurt my parents .but he was forcing me.Finally after some years he went to some other city for studies.We were in touch with each other through mails.(i want to tell u all i have never meet face to face alone in my entire life).We were only in touch through mails or calls.
Finally when he completed his studies he again proposed me, but then also i didnt have couage to accept his proposal.Finally after trying for 10-12 years, he left me to never come back.After some time i got married with som,e other man.and now i have completed 2 years with my husband.But i am not happy with my married life.Though my husband is good but he dont love me that much or he dont care for me as much, as that guy use to do.
I started missing him.Still also i dont have courage to break my marrige but i have become so much frustrated.I have losses the guy to whom i was the whole world and i am living with a man, to whom i am only wife who is to serve him.
In last 3-4 months i again got in touch with that man through orkut.com(its a friends search engine).HE was shocked to hear me.Toady also i was not able to tell him that how much i miss him.He told me that he is getting married next month.He also said that now i am somebody else wife so he will also treat me like others wife.But he also said that if there is still some feeling fpor him in my heart then he wants my promise that i will marry him in my next birth.
He was the perfect gentelman.I have losses him, becoz i was coward.And now the whole life will be punishment for me.I am dying each day. help what should i do.
Now i am married.He is getting married.I dont want to spoil her finecee or my husbands life.But day by dayi am becoming mad for him.I dono what to do.PLEASE HELP ME.
Somebody kill me so i get new birth to meet him.help me......
My initial reaction about this first guy, is too much persistance, annoying persistance. I would have got a bit scared of such persistance!
But now it seems like he is giving you a taste of your own medicine in his eyes.
Have you consider marriage councelling with your husband?
no i have not gone to any marriage counseller.I have done ever thing which a good wife is suppose to do.My husband has a big joint family.All the time i have to sacrifice to please his family members.My all freedom, all dreams have gone away.I have become like a maid with no heart.Lots of sacrifices , no happiness, no love.This family has made me sick. i also found that my husband has given me lot of wrong information about him n his family before our marriage. Yes i married him because i never wants to hurt my parents or my family member.But what i got.This horrible sick life. yes that guys presence was too much annoying but atleast he use to love me.May be i was living better life with him.Its true that his overlove was very scaring for me.but now i think that atleast he was the only person who loved me so much.I have spended my whole life to please others, to fulfill my parents dreams.But i never get anyones love.My life is a full waste.I want to die,I am not happy with my present condition.I dono what to do.
but what to do now.I have done arrange marrige to please my parents .and after completing 2years married life, now i have felt the love of that person who was in love with me for 10-12 years.and now he is also getting married, but i know he is also doing compromise.He still loves me, but he cant cheat his fiancee.
My life has become a big punishment to me.I have just tried to make my family or my relatives happy.but i have spoiled my life.
dono what to do know
I do believe that neither of them is good..however tradition can have a strong hold in someone's life and you thought you did right by marrying your husband. If he doesn't respect you, separation is a common thing in all societies...
I do know that in some societies boys and girls cannot mix easily together and therefore opportunities to met and know how the other sex behaves etc is difficult and result in a bad marriage.
I would suggest to think about yourself first. Your happiness should not be tied to any one. Furthermore, there is no such a person that has only one opportunity to be loved..I wonder how old you are though? Do you have children with your husband?
i am too much confused .I am 28 years old married with no children.I am working in a IT field and not depended on anyone.I was born in a conservatitive family, where too much importance is given to family values, others fellings, to religions, social norms.
i dono whether first guy was perfect for me .but i am not happy with my husband also.maybe becoz of this i have devloped felling for that first life.Actually i am very alone.I have sacrifice my life for my parents, who had never loved me becoz i was there 4th girl child.Whole life i have waited for true love.but neither my marriage gave me that happiness nor that man .i am so confuseed.i know no body from my family will like the idea of divorce. no body will support me.every body will treat me like a guilty, if i will break any social rule,divorce is a big thing in middle class family, no one will accept this.i know only one thing that there is no way where i can go.all paths are closed for me.i hate god for giving me such a bad life
Dont hate God for giving you a bad life, he didnt give you a bad life, its society and cultures who put burdens on such issues.
Your love and happiness HAS to come first. In the modern day and age parents have to understand their kids, time is evolving and make them understand how unhappy you are.
I truly believe that u need time for you alone, time to find out about yourself.
Time to start thinking for you.
It is good that you understand why you may have developed feelings for the first guy. You're an educated woman and you do not depend on anyone...you're not happy and your husband doesn't give you the love and respect you need and on top of it lured you with lies. I have seen a number of emancipated and out-spoken indians on women conditions. There should be some kind of associations of women in the same conditions as yours who could provide support.. and forum like this one can also help... but it is imperative for you to get out of this vicious circle because your depressions may have a nefast effect on you entire well-being , performance at work. If you have good friends you could confide in and help you through this situation after you have gained your independance that would be good too. Then you can start to socialize and get to know new people who are worthy of your love and respect
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