Alright, before i start let me just say that I have been dating this girl for 3 years, ever since we graduated from high school.

Background info: We met in highschool, I really never knew her up until my senior year. We're both the same age and she sat beside me in class because she taught I was the smartest one there and that i would help her. Well as time passed by we got closer and hung out. I was interested in someone else but for some reason felt comfortable around her. So what happened was that i bailed on the girl i was suppose to go to prom with and she bailed on the guy that she was suppose to go prom with and we ended up going together. BUT we weren't officially a couple because we hadn't kissed or done anything physical like that before.
The day before our graduation, I finally asked her out and she accepted. Of course we had the dream honeymoon stage for the entire summer and we went to two different universities but there were both in the same city so it wasnt too bad. I however, lived half an hour away from her but it didnt matter because i use to drive all the time to see her.
Like any relationship we had problems but we always solved them and became stronger. We use to always do cute things for each other whether small or big. Also during our three years together, we never had sex because we're catholics and wanted to wait till marriage/engagement. So after two years of being together, one of my friends from school who is a girl starts hitting on me but I didnt make too much of it. I have to confess that I use to talk to this girl a lot about our problems because she recently broke up with her bf and i wanted to make sure that i didnt experience the same problems with my girlfriend. Well, my gf wasnt too happy about it and she said that i liked this other girl, who i must say was very good looking, but i had no feelings for her, she was just a really good friend.
Well my gf said that she lost trust in me and that it would take a long time for me to build it back up. So in the last year, i regained her trust because i did whatever i could to make sure that i did. She even said to me that she trusted me

The Problem: She always use to say to me that she felt that we would break up one day and get back together in the future, since we both havent experienced the single life and others. Her friend had started dating again after 1 1/2 years of ending her previous relationship and my gf use to always tell me about she misses being single. I didnt make too much out of it because she said that she would never trade me for anything in the world.
Continuing on, she got a new job last september. There was this co worker of hers who use to ALWAYS, and i mean ALWAYS hit on her. He use to 1) drive her home everyday from work, i use to live half an hour away and also be in class most of the time. 2) He use to always take her out to lunch and she use to tell me that she is going out to lunch with him but i didnt make too much out of it because i trusted her. 3) there use to be songs playing on the radio and he use to tell her that it reminded him of her. 4) he use to continuously text her even when he knew that she has a boyfriend of long term. 5) He use to always buy her little things at work (because she took a year off from university to work for a yera to pay for tuition) so they saw each other everyday.
I use to see her only on the weekends because Im trying to get into Med School so i take my schooling seriously. I use to always call her and she use to always call me and things were going wonderful.
THEN, she plans a trip to Cuba with her bestfriends, he wasnt one of them, and the day of their trip, there was a huge snow storm and i had promised her that i would drive her to the airport. I told her that i wanted to drive her but the road conditions were terrible. I sucked it up and it took me about 1 1/2 hour to reach her house. That is when i got pissed because i could have been hurt but she didnt care. So when i dropped her at the airport, i didnt get out of the car to say goodbye, i just drove off. She was crying and she said that this was the worst possible thing that could happen to her because anything could have happened while i was going home or when she left. That was the point where we hit rock bottom. I prayed day and night for things to get better. She did too because she told me but she told me that she had signs that made her believe that this wouldnt last much longer.
So when she came back we fixed things and started again from scratch to rebuild the trust that she lost for me. We spent New Years together by ourselves and had great times up until my birthday. Once again it snowed like crazy and we had plans, she decided to pick me up from the subway station and take me out for dinner but it took me about 3 hours to reach her and hwe had dinner at 12 at night. I blamed her for ruining my birthday because i was angry, but later in the night i came to my senses and i told her i was sorry when i saw her crying. I stayed over at her house because there was no way i could let her drive me home.

The breakup: Last month i found out that she was being very distant and spending more time with her coworker. He picked up the pace and started flirting with her more and more. I saw her two days before our breakup and things were great. She said that she loved being in my arms and never wanted to leave. Two days later i was thinking to myself and i realized that she has been really distant from me in these last couple of weeks, so i confronted her. She told me that she didnt feel the same way about me anymore but still loved me. She wasnt in love with me and that this was the hardest thing to do because I was an amazing person and didnt want to let me go. She asked me what she should do, and being the person that i am, i told her to follow her heart and if it says to not be with me then so be it. She said that she couldnt imagine why she didnt love me because i was perfect and wonderful. She said she wanted her space and was confused. I told her that it's fine and that even though im crushed and heart broken, i will always be here for her and that I have hope in my heart that we may get back together. She said to not have hope but i told her that i will. She told me all this the week before my exams. Two days before this talk she said all those wonderful things about loving me, being with my forever and loved being in my arms.

POST BREAKUP: I find out two days after our break up that she invited her co worker over and that they made out for 2 hrs that night and he slept over/no sex. I called her at her work saying "you're a liar, a scum, a cheater, and i'll see you at 5 on friday". That was it, she called in sick both those days because she felt sick to her stomach of what she did to me because she knows how wonderful i am etc. When i talk to her, i dont yell nor scream, but i rip her into shreds. She tries to make excuses but i dont believe it and i told her that karma will bite her back for what she did. To make me feel better she said that i'm a much better kisser then her.
Now im still acting based on my emotions so the day after i was in town hanging out with my friends and i pass by her house and see his car and i call her. After that i realized that she was emotionally cheating on me with this guy. She only got physical with him after our breakup.
I went no contact with her but left the lines of communication open. I never initated convo and realized that it was her loss but my gain. I realized even when i poured my heart and solve into this relationship, she always wanted more more more. I thought to myself that i better focus on me and do what i want in life. So i started to go to the gym again, focused on my exams, and started flirting with other women without dating. I knew that i wasnt over my ex and i wanted to be single.
So she has been spending a lot of time with her co worker and i find out that a couple of days ago that they are finally a couple. That actually gave me the closure i wanted. I felt happy inside myself because i realized the kind of person that she is and also the kind of girl i shouldnt be looking for.
She even had the nerve to call me and ask me to make a list for this guy on all her bad points so that he realize the kind of person that she is. I told her that a relationship is like an expedition where you discover each other in a step like manner. I realized that she kicked me while i was down and i got back up and dusted myself, kepy my chin up and smiled. I became extremely confident because i knew i could do better.

She also said that that her bf doesnt do the little things that i consistently did for her and that he had big boots to fill. She said that she will never find a guy who cared and loved for her the way she did and that she was stupid for letting me go. She said that in the future she may realize that she does love me and what she has lost but right now she doesnt know.

Now my question is: 1) what in the world is she thinking by saying all these things about how i was perfect and in the future we may get back together. 2) says that her bf could never be as good as me, is she trying to string my along? 3) She got jealous because she knows that i have a lot of girlfriend's who i talk to but yet doesnt understand why i am not jealous of her bf bur rather am very happy for her because her happiness is what i wanted. Is she jealous because she doesnt want me to move on or she still hasnt moved on yet?

This was long but thanks for whoever who read this

N0help4u

1. her wishful thinking or trying to ease your hurt.
2. trying to ease your hurt.
3. IF I can't have you (or don't want you at the moment) nobody else can either.

I wouldn't even worry about it.
Let her go on. She felt like she was missing out on something....now she has whatever it was she thought she was missing. She made her bed...move on and let her go.

JBeaucaire

Um, I think the real question for you should be: "When will I stop overanalyzing my ex-girlfriend's life?"

All the story is appreciated, and often helpful. But in your case, that story is actually indicative of the real problem. You are absolutely obsessing over your ex. It's understandable, don't get me wrong, I just want you to realize the real issue here.

The truths from your story are relatively simple:

• You both loved each other dearly
• You weren't emotionally compatible, in spite of your feelings
• Your temperments were incompatible, in spite of your feelings
• You broke up for dishonest reasons, never admitting the real problem is you just weren't compatible overall, you only broke up over heated issues...issues that were at best symptoms.
• Once broken up, your opposing temperments kept you in contact further adding fuel to the pain and allowing more "half truths" to be tossed in, clouding up the room even further
• Even though you two aren't together, won't be, you're still picking apart each other's thoughts and words as if there was any good to be had in it.

You just need to get on with it. Every thought you have about her, for her, concerning her, against her, in support of her, whatever, are wasted thoughts.

Your life is waiting to begin again. You have a limited amount of energy in your head. Let's save that energy for someone who makes your life better! She's out there, in front of you...somewhere...get to hunting.

talaniman

Letting you down easy.
Nope, just letting you down easy.
I think she got tired of your evil temper, and the stuff you pulled in anger, so she is looking around for some fun without the tantrums. Understandable. My advice is to leave her alone, and check out some of those other females you can talk to.

spion_kop

This was long but thanks for whoever who read this[/quote]
I have gone NC with her and but she keeps contacting me every once in a while. She actually wanted to meet up with me this saturday for ice cream. I'm going in with no expectations because, to be honest, i really don't want her back. I want her to be happy but i dont want her to be part of my life right now. I dont know what the future will hold for the both us but i realized that i was blind at times.

Any suggestions on what i should say or do when we meet up?

N0help4u

look her right in the eye with a big fun smile and keep on walking.
Curiosity killed the cat!

spion_kop

I've regained a lot of my confidence which i have lost. I plan on going there and supporting her new relationship while letting her know that the door to our relationship is closed but it isnt lock. I REALLY want her to be happy, even if it is without me.
The only problem I have is the physical side of things. I mean we never had sex but we did other things. I think that once I get over that, I will be ready to move on.

I didnt want to lose her initally but I've accepted it and if her and I were meant to be together than things have a way of working out

spion_kop

This situation just got worse. One of our friends from highschool just passed away from cancer and she called me at around 9:00 a.m. in the morning crying and asking what to do. She asked me what time i was going to the viewing because she wants come with me. She already has a bf and she knows when the viewing is but I dont understand why she would call me first and want to go with me..
Any help?

talaniman

Bow out of this one, and let her fend for herself. A simple I don't know when I'm free is your answer. She has to get the message you can't and wont see her. Disappear from her life. Stop answering her calls.

talaniman

What better way to keep you close?