Quote:
| Originally Posted by jolienoire How to get him/her back..
Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.
You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?
Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.
There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.
You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..
The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..
Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.
So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…
Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today. |
Hello everyone,
here is a list I've compiled that helps me ground myself. Hope it helps.
Rules to live by in a relationship
• Don’t live by someone else’s standards, only your own.
• men love men that give off a devil-may-care quality and have an edge.
• A dreaman won’t kill himself to impress anyone.
• A nice girl/boy makes the mistake of being available all the time.
• get back to him when you are free
• see him when its convenient for you
• has no clue where the relationship is going and leaves it like that
• A man will always want what he can’t have.
• hold your self with dignity and pride
• believe you are a catch
• trying too hard gives the impression you are desperate
• don’t be mothering
• Love your self and don’t want anyone that doesn’t want you.
• Ignore him and he is intrigued; make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.
• When you don’t pay attention, his more intrigued and chase you even more
• If you don’t make him feel locked down, he'll come your way.
• If you try to corner him, he'll bolt
• fun equals freedom
• give the appearance that he has plenty of space; will drop his guard
• If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so.
• Men are attracted to someone who can speak their mind.
• Begin a relationship with a voice
• Space is very important. Makes you look proud rather than desperate. You remain a challenge, because you choose to be w/ him, you dint need to be.
• Independence rather than dependence.
• That you can hold your own
• demand treatment as if you are worthwhile
• be slightly standoffish
• be sexy, don’t try to be sexy
• play by your own rules
• Be unpredictable.
• Reassure in 2 areas: 1.that he is sexually desirable to you and (2) that he sees that he’s still in the game
• give kisses that are sexy and sensual
• smile allot, be happy
• Compliment him; let him know he’s desirable to you. Tell him he looks great
• don’t be needy
• Be secure with yourself, that he doesn’t feel like he has 100 a hold on you.
• Eliminate these words: “we need to talk”
• Tell it like it is in a matter of fact way.
• Be relaxed, secure and happy with him or with out him. Be happy go lucky
• he should always feel free to go
• leave some questions unanswered
• don’t stop going to the gym or your lifestyle to accommodate him
• don’t stop spending time with friends and family
• don’t check messages too often
• focus on work
• don’t check emails constantly
• don’t stop moving at your own rhythm
• do not abandon your routines
• don’t put pressure him so that he’ll want to be around you
• value your priorities
• stay boss of yourself
• act as your own guide/boss
• you don’t need his approval for anything
• Have more confidence, some else’s mood doesn’t have much impact on you.
• Only give when reciprocal
• When a relationship starts lightning speed, at some point someone will pull back to regain the need for space.
• Stay in control
• The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
• Once you lose your rhythm, you lose your psychological equilibrium an you become needy.
• Power is the control you have over yourself.
• When someone is being too cocky, they are trying too hard to convince that they are stronger that they really are.
• When treated with disrespect and you take it, they begin to loose respect for you.
• Prioritize yourself over melting into someone else. “No” means no.
• Be clear and direct of what you need without second-guessing your self
• Don’t wait more than ˝ hour for anyone. leave and you will get respect and it won’t happen again. Remember, you are a prize!
• Know who you are and what you will or will not accept
• Having self-control because true power is the control you have over your self
• When you have control over yourself, you don’t need to be emotional all the time. – stay the boss of you.
• People get spooked by too much sappy emotional talk, particularity early on in the relationship.
• Do not send tear-jerker cards early on.
• Don’t pout or whimper when you don’t receive calls. Make them wonder every now and then what you are doing and why you are not together. When you regulate the timing, it keeps them wanting and it charges up the batteries.
• Never call more than once in arrow or too much.
• Don’t leave mushy messages; keep the messages friendly, short and sweet.
• Don’t email more than once in a row or send emails about feelings, issues and what you need that you are not getting. Don’t respond to emails immediately each and every time.
• Don’t stop eating, socializing, sleeping and exercising.
• Avoid last minute dates because you miss him
• Don’t walk in the door, check your messages or call right back. Settle in, eat dinner and relax, move at your own rhythm and then call back. He has to know you have a life.
• Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a call.
• Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him.
• If ignored, don’t try harder to get attention.
• Stay focused on your life. Stay sassy, perky and happy.
• Stay ever so slightly just outside a persons reach, because it charges up the batteries.
• Don’t be governed by fear of loosing a man, because a real price to pay is when you loose your self.
• If you feel you are going to resent something after you give, don’t give it.
• Give only what feels comfortable to give.
• It’s better to give and receive
• Love yourself first
• Never say, “We never spend time together” this is a sign to person that he/she has a right where he wants you. Don’t be needy.
• If taken for granted, pull back a little with no explanation, it catches the person off guard and gets their attention big-time.
• Avoid being a “mother”, transition back to being a “lover”
• Win him back by acting as though you can take him or leave him.
• Treat him casually as though your friend and he’ll come your way because he wants things to be romantic and he wants to be the pursuer.
• Alter the pattern that has become convenient for him; pull back without an attitude and without warning.
• Don’t be a , be kind and strong.
• If it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a compliment in disguise. He wants you so much that he doesn’t want to appear too obvious about it.
• When you act as if you don’t care, it will scare him.
• Get creative and don’t be predictable talking about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one.
• Never sit home waiting for a call from a guy or that he’s your whole life. It’s like waiting for water to boil.
• Live by your own rules.
• Move to your own rhythm instead of moving to the beat of some else’s drum.
• Decide how you want to be treated.
• Choose what you will or will not tolerate.
• Discreetly leave if you don’t get what you want.
• No one person should be doing all the giving.
• Don’t give too much
• Getting a life will make it seem like you are no longer impetuous, or impatient. When you are relaxed, you’ve take the “need” out of the equation. You no longer appear needy and strong, which immediately changes the dynamic of a stale relationship.
• If you want to renew the challenge, it is imperative to continue the activities you did before he came to the scene.
• When you will not drop everything to be with him, your appear as though you have more going for you.
• Never stop living you life. You are happy with or without him, this will keep you just outside his reach.
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