Depressed and reaching out

mami28 · #1 Dec 20, 2007, 10:06 AM

I've been married for 6 years and few months ago I started an affair with a married man. As I'm getting to know my affair I'm developing feelings for him that I wanted to avoid. I am so confused about what to do. He's not going to leave his wife and i'm not ready to leave my husband. Is this something I should continue with?

ilovcali · Dec 20, 2007, 11:47 AM

If someone asked you if they should continue to cheat on their spouse, what advice would you give?

--Cali

mami28 · Dec 20, 2007, 01:18 PM

Honestly, now that I am in this predicament I am really not sure what advice I would give. Of course the first thing that comes to mind is STOP, but for selfish reasons I just can’t do it.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 20, 2007, 01:21 PM

cant...stop...cheating, huh.

...oof. dont get me started on this. you're developing feelings with a guy you're sleeping with and you're shocked? well, i'm terribly sorry to hear that...

if you want to keep your husband, then end the affair. if you want to LOSE your husband, then continue. really. it's that easy.

pray karma doesn't exist.

aiyerrc · Dec 20, 2007, 02:09 PM

you are the kinda person, that makes most of us come to a site like this...quit being selfish. you are going to end up hurting your husband, especially if he still loves you. i just dont understand how people can admit their cheating, but say they arent rdy to leave their spouse. u are cheating bc arent in love with your spouse anymore, leave him, and forget about this man u are having an affair with bc he only wants you for sex. if he cared about you, he would leave his wife, and hes clearly not even thinking about that now

peggyhill · Dec 20, 2007, 02:23 PM

Well, honey, the only right thing you can do is break it off. Most people get caught in the end. If you know it isn't going anywhere, break it off NOW, LIKE TODAY, before you get hurt anymore. Sex creates intimacy, even if there isn't a relationship, and intimacy leads to the feeling you have started having for him. I know you're probably feeling caught in the middle right now, you probably still care for your husband on SOME level since you are still with him, and now you care for this guy too. That's rough, but there is only one thing to do to make it right. It will only get harder to stop as time goes by.
My advice is tell this guy the truth. Tell him you thought you could handle casual sex, but you can't. Tell him you are starting to care for him too much, and for the sake of both your marriages, you have to break it off. Then, go get STD testing if you haven't already. The guy could have given you something, and that is the last way you would want your husband to find out...
I know it's hard, but once you do the right thing, you will be able to hold your head up high again. Once it is all over, consider some marriage counseling to get your relationship and sex life with your husband back on track again. I think you want to stop seeing this guy, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. You may doubt your strength, but if you resolve to break it off, you may surprise yourself. You can do this! Good luck!

mami28 · Dec 21, 2007, 06:24 AM

Thank you! really, you have no idea how much I mean that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by peggyhill

Well, honey, the only right thing you can do is break it off. Most people get caught in the end. If you know it isn't going anywhere, break it off NOW, LIKE TODAY, before you get hurt anymore. Sex creates intimacy, even if there isn't a relationship, and intimacy leads to the feeling you have started having for him. I know you're probably feeling caught in the middle right now, you probably still care for your husband on SOME level since you are still with him, and now you care for this guy too. That's rough, but there is only one thing to do to make it right. It will only get harder to stop as time goes by.
My advice is tell this guy the truth. Tell him you thought you could handle casual sex, but you can't. Tell him you are starting to care for him too much, and for the sake of both your marriages, you have to break it off. Then, go get STD testing if you haven't already. The guy could have given you something, and that is the last way you would want your husband to find out...
I know it's hard, but once you do the right thing, you will be able to hold your head up high again. Once it is all over, consider some marriage counseling to get your relationship and sex life with your husband back on track again. I think you want to stop seeing this guy, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. You may doubt your strength, but if you resolve to break it off, you may surprise yourself. You can do this! Good luck!

mami28 · Dec 21, 2007, 07:30 AM

As strange as this may sound I know all this, I know I should end it, I should have never started it. What can I say I am weak selfish human being.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

you are the kinda person, that makes most of us come to a site like this...quit being selfish. you are going to end up hurting your husband, especially if he still loves you. i just dont understand how people can admit their cheating, but say they arent rdy to leave their spouse. u are cheating bc arent in love with your spouse anymore, leave him, and forget about this man u are having an affair with bc he only wants you for sex. if he cared about you, he would leave his wife, and hes clearly not even thinking about that now

mami28 · Dec 21, 2007, 07:33 AM

I'm sure you had some choice words for me and I have to tell you, I don't need to hear that since I am going thru some emotional hell right now, regardless of what the situation is. I know what I'm doing is worng on so many levels I can't even begin to count. What I need is advice not criticism.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman



At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you will be able to: Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+ topics. Accept money for answers that you provide. Communicate privately with other members (PM). See fewer ads. Sign Up!