How do I tell my GF I want to take a little break.

treyarch · #1 Sep 8, 2006, 11:14 AM

This is my first post here. I was just doing some searching and I fell upon this site.

How do I tell my girlfriend that I want to take some time off from the relationship. Reason being, I feel like I need to find and define myself as a person. I definitely do not want to completely break up with her as she is the one I def want to marry. I just feel like I dont know who I am. Also there is an addiction that I am fighting, ( no drugs or alcohol), and I just feel like I need to battle it on my own.

We recently moved out on our own, this will mark the first time that we've pretty much lived on our own. I feel like I am too dependant on her and she is too dependant on me. I want to know what its like to pretty much be dependant on myself.

Funny thing is, she kind of brought this up a couple of weeks ago, but changed her mind the next day. But the more and more that I think about it, I think it would definitely help our relationship. I do not feel like I am the best person for her in my current state however I do know that she is for me.

I kind of just want to step back, refresh myself. Define who I am and re-present myself to her.

How do I bring this up in the most mature way. I dont want her to think I'm being selfish, all about me or whatever. I just want to make things right.

HELP MEEEE

Wildcat21 · Sep 8, 2006, 12:53 PM

Dude - you break - and there is good chance not going back. You don't 'break' but not see other people - it doesn't work that way.

DO WHAT TAL SAYS.

If you love this woman - you stay - you get through the GOOD and you ESPECIALLY get/work through the bad.

Do not break if she is the one.

kp2171 · Sep 8, 2006, 12:57 PM

no break is little.

you do it and she should walk and look for another guy if she so wishes.

if youre feeling like its worth the chance, do it. just be willing to lose her. you cant have it both ways. sorry.

nobody can decide whether you should or should not break except you. but nobody here is likely to be able to tell you how to string her along as your parachute, just in case you might need her.

ilovcali · Sep 8, 2006, 01:09 PM

Yeah man, break = BREAK-UP. Doesn't mean never again, but it does mean for now, it's over. My ex tried that whole "let's take a break" line. I didn't see it that way, and told her that just means break-up. And that's what happened.

Wildcat21 · Sep 8, 2006, 01:35 PM

treyarch · Sep 8, 2006, 04:13 PM

Well my whole thing is, she is the one that brought this up first, then said she wanted to forget about it the next day. To me that means she finally spoke her mind, and perhaps felt bad about it and said forget it. I dont know, I just think that things would be so easier if I could just do this on my own. I'll understand if she wants to see other people or something.

I'll pt myself out there becuase I dont know you and you dont know me. PORN, I'm addicted and I finally admit it. My gf dosnt like sex that much so I started really looking at it, so I wouldnt be so sexually frustrated around her. It just started to take all of my time and I am trying to cleanse myself. I want to nip in in the bud before it gets too outta hand. I paid for porn the 1st time a few weeks ago, it was 4.95. Not much, but its like if I start paying now who knows where this will go. I feel bad and I just feel i need to refresh myself on my own.

Jesushelper76 · Sep 8, 2006, 10:39 PM

Honestly and I am sure others will agree. I do not know. I did not read anybody elses answer.

Once you ask for a break. A break will eighther turn out to be a permanant thing. Or it will be on and off and on and off and eventually it will not work anyway. It would be a very very hard decision to make because I do not think the relationship would get better but get worse. Not 100 percent of the time. So I will not say it is a 100 percent sure thing that will happen to you. There is not guarantees. About the porn thing. Yes, many people get addicted to porn, but that is no reason to give up on your relationship. Are you replacing your needs with your her on something that is not real? Have you talked to her about how you feel you want to become closer in many ways. You want to become more intimate? Would this help your relationship and possibly curb the porn? At least you admitted to having an addiction because there are a lot of people that hide it and keep it hidden and do not want to admit that it is a problem. Proud of you for admitting it.

Joe

chuff · Sep 9, 2006, 02:01 AM

While I have a little different take on this but I want you to consider the source. I've done this twice before in my life and both times gotten back together with the woman. It didn't work out. Part of the problem was my own jealousy because then I wondered exactly what she had done while we were apart. If your not the jealous type maybe this won't affect you. Even after I got back together with the women I questioned my decision. Constantly. Was it smart for me to go back to her? Did she even miss me? Was she happier while I was gone? Was I happier while she was gone? It just went on and on in my own mind and I think you might be setting yourself up for that.

If you have plans to marry this woman then you need to work out your problems now because once the ring goes on you can't duck and run ever.

I also didn't see anyone address this so I will, but I think she may be having second doughts and was testing the waters for a future break up. As I've been learning the break up comes before it is actually spoken. I don't want to scare you but she may be preparing to dump you, so you may want to start preparing yourself.



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