how do i survive heartbreak?

kell0257 · #1 Feb 16, 2007, 05:27 PM

11 months ago I ran into a childhood friend of mine and we started dating shortly after. The summer went by and I left to go back to school in the midwest. I lived on the west coast at the time, but we decided to stay together. When he came to visit me I found out he had previously cheated on me with a girl i knew he was hanging out with. I forgave him, because i loved him and couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. More recently, I discovoered he lied to me once again about a girl staying at his place. No matter how many times he seems to hurt me emotionally, I still have faith that he will become a better person. He says he wants to be with me, yet he gets lonely when i'm not around. I simply do not have the same problem, I can't see myself being with anyone but him. I broke up with him because I was afraid I would be cheated on again. He calls me constantly, and wants to see me when i come home. How do I get over someone that I seem to constantly forgive? He is my first love, and I can't seem to move on, even though I know it is the right thing to do. please help.

kristynn · Feb 16, 2007, 05:41 PM

Honey, your faith may be hopeless. It's impossible to change someone, yet you may hope that he will become a better person. But be realistic, what are the chances that he will really become "a better person"? Probably none. It seems to be in his character.

I understand he may get lonely, but you don't want to be with someone who constantly cheats on you, don't you?
I think you did the right thing. This guy doesn't deserve you and I'm convinced you'll find someone who will. Don't be naive and go back with him - this is what I'm suggesting.

Because he's your first love, it'll take a while to move on... it may indeed seem impossible, and maybe ... you'll never be over him completely! But I sincerely think it's the best thing to do, although it might sound harsh. All the best!

valinors_sorrow · Feb 17, 2007, 05:33 AM

How do you survive heartbreak? The same way any of us have-- by accepting the reality that he wasn't who you hoped he'd be, that its over now and by mushing your way through the grieving process. Real forgiveness, appropriate forgiveness for him will come in time, once you learn not to be so naive. You will see that while you forgive him, he cannot be trusted again unless he makes some very significant changes about himself. I have forgiven many untrustworthy people -- it frees me but not them; they have to do that themselves. While seeing the good in someone is a cool thing, its a relatively meaningless thing since it does not influence whether they operate that way or not. Experience can teach you that without bitterness, just as it has me. First you need to grieve BOTH the death of a dream and a giving up on a kind of faith that does not serve you well but is better left in childhood. I am sorry for your losses.

bluerose · Feb 17, 2007, 05:56 AM

I don't believe he is a bad person, he is quite simply a guy - a guy in a distance related relationship. They are difficult at the best of times. If you can't find a way of being together, you might have to move on and forget him.

Your heart will heal, honest. Take care of you.



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