I feel silly asking this question. I guess it's because of how love seems to always elude me.

I always feel that the guys I feel I can fall in love with, are not interested in me in the same way. Usually, these would be my guy friends and I guess that's why I always end up in complicated situations. And the guys that are interested in me are the ones I feel like I cannot fall in love with. It's ... I dunno, just a feeling like I know it's not going to work out. I know this is the reason why people date around before becoming exclusive, so they can scope out the ocean before they find the right fish.

Believe it or not, I don't think I've ever gone on a date before. Of course I've been out with guys alone before, but they never explicitly called it a "date", so I guess those don't count?

I don't intentionally try to play hard to get, but when I do meet a guy that I seem to click with, I get scared and try to avoid having eye contact with them and keep asking myself "do I really like him? does he really like me? what if I don't like him? I don't want to be perceived as someone who fallings in love easily!" I think about these questions even more if I have the "guy I feel I could fall in love with" on my mind. Then after we part from our first meeting, I would kick myself for avoiding him. I know ... maybe I think too much. I keep telling myself to relax and just have fun ... but I forget all this once I tense up.

And as for the guys that I feel I can fall in love with but show signs that they don't reciprocate my feelings, it makes me sad whenever I realize (or be told by other people) that I have to give up on them. And of course, once the guy categorizes you in the "friend zone", it's over. The chances of him changing his mind and seeing you as a potential love interest is pretty slim.

And for guys that I meet for the first time, I guess new discoveries scare me. If these new guys happen to be one of those I feel that I can fall in love with, it might take me a while to feel comfortable and be able to consider a future. So I guess that's also why these guys tend to be my guy friends. I guess my timing is just different from most guy's timings. In my experience, these new guys tend to move on if it looks like I'm not interested.

I guess these are the reasons why I still haven't found someone I love to love me back.

Sorry for blabbing. I feel like I'm writing a diary here.

say cheese

Like the guys who like you. It makes things a lot easier.

honeymustard

Like I said, the guys that like me are either guys that I feel like I can't fall in love with, or guys I have just met with all those questions and fears running through my head.

Becoming friends with the guy first without even thinking of the possibility of going out with them makes it easier for me to fall in love with him. I guess it's what they say ... something about the heart grows fonder (I can't remember the exact words of the saying). But once we're in the "friend zone", it's hard to get into the "romantic/love zone" cuz the guy only sees you as a friend and nothing more.

I guess I need to be patient and I have 2 options: force myself to give the guys who like me a chance ... or just wait for a guy friend to like me back.

talaniman

I think your just like the rest of us, always seeking, always searching. Be patient and be your own happy self, there is no hurry and things will happen when they happen. Enjoy what your doing and do what makes you happy. Someone will want to share it with you, when they find you.

Jiser

Just be happy and independent.

George_1950

I think you are describing something for which you need assistance; perhaps a trusted, more experienced female friend, or a psychologist or psychiatrist. I could tell you to get a new look and a new fragrance; and smile a lot more, especially at guys. But I don't think that is what you are writing about.

aiyerrc

u say u "feel" like you cant fall in love with the one you like. half the reason i like some of the girls that liked me is just bc of the fact that they do! u cant determine if u can "feel falling in love with someone unless you spend time with that person and give it a chance. you have to take chances to get what you want. less questions, less hesitation, a few more risks, go out on a limb, and you will find what your looking for!!

honeymustard

just wanted to clarify ... i said i "feel" like i can't fall in love with the ones who like me ... and i think this is what you meant to type ... but thank you for your advice!

MissingHim2Much

I've never dated..Or what people would consider dating. I've only ever gotten involved with guys i've known for long periods of time. The thought of going on a date with someone I don't know scares the bageeezas outta me. In my experience men that are friends also always think about woman friends romanticly at one point or another even if they are just friends...Try innocent flirting with your guy friends and the light bulb will go off in his head eventually...Has always worked for me.

honeymustard

So far, it hasn't worked for me at all. The failure rate has been 100%. I've told 4 guy friends that I liked them and tried to drop hints on a few others. The end result has always been painful. I don't think I can ever tell another guy that I like them. Although they wouldn't know about my past experiences, it makes me feel like I fall in love too hard too easily.

And the hard part is, my girlfriends seem to like the guy friends that I like too. Or maybe I notice that they are flirting with the guys only b/c I've developed an interest in the guy so I wasn't aware of it before. Or maybe my girlfriends have suddenly up'ed their game b/c they notice that I like the guy too. I know it's just a fact of life that there's competition everywhere, but it hurts to watch my girlfriends flirt with the guys I like. It hurts even more when one girl has flat out asked me if I like this guy and promised to help me shoo away all the girls for me and ended up shooing me away from him too!

Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. Maybe I should force myself to take this all lightly and just enjoy life. If the guy ends up liking my friend more, maybe he isn't the one for me and I should look elsewhere. But giving up on the guy isn't easy. It just sucks that no matter which guy I like, there's always competition and I'm tired of fighting for my guy. And if it's meant to be, I shouldn't have to fight for him right?