i have been with this man for years and i have been unhappy for about ten but i have been tiring to make it work he has no job we have a six year old son and he has been very mean to me ever since he found out i cheated but the only reason i did was one time with a old friend i knew for years he throws it in my face all the time he calls me a ***** and a slut i lost my job after seven years and i have no other family what should i do

Jesushelper76

Quite honestly it is your own fault. He has a very good reason to be angry with you. He might not have a job, you might not have a job. You do have a six year old son. Which should be the only concern right now. There must have been more to the problems for you to cheat. Have you or both of you gone to counseling? That would be the best bet before throwing it all away. Communication is very important in a marriage. Have you done any of that yet? Hope you all get it figured out. As far as calling you names you must expect that? There is lots of anger there. Even though he is angry, it is still considered verbal abuse, especially if he does it around the child. I hope both of you get into counseling, if he refuses. You need to go yourself. Good luck with everything.

Krs

I cant quite understand how couples can be unhappy for years and dont open up and talk about it!!
What is the whole point of that. It always ends up messy!

Such as your relationship where you ended up sleeping with an old friend.
Being an old friend... it only happened once.. doesnt justify what you did.
You cheated. Any partner would find that very hard to accept. Although your husband doesnt sound nice, for calling you such names.
He obviously hasnt forgotten what you did, so definitley still holds grudges.

As jesushelper said.. your child should be your main concern. Kids pick up that their parents are not happy and if he hers your husband calling you those names.. then definitley he will pick up on that.

Marriage councelling is your best option!
That is if you want to try make your marriage.

fredg

Hi,
Thanks for asking a question here, and Welcome to the site.
I am sorry to read this. You have some good answers before mine.
Are you married? or just living together? You didn't say.
I am 64, married now for 29 yrs, but my first marriage ended in Divorce after 7 years with 2 small boys. Children do pick up everything! Your relationship with him is really hurting your boy.
It's really difficult since you have no job, and no family. Is there any friends you could move in with for awhile? I agree with the both of you going to Marriage Counseling. But, if he won't go, then togetherness Counseling is out of the question. He really doesn't sound like the type of man that will go.
Ask him anyway; maybe he will go with you.
If counseling is available for you, then go by yourself, as another suggested.
If worse comes to worse, then think about leaving, or telling him to leave. You could always see a lawyer, get some Professional opinions.
Those are the only options I see; unless of course, you want to continue staying with him, and being unhappy!
Best wishes, and I do wish you good luck.

valinors_sorrow

This will initially look like I disagree with the other posts here, but I think if this is examined closer, I am only extending what they were saying.

Get out of the blame game right now! Get out of the guilt game too - that is the blame game from the other side. That stuff paralyses people when you need action here. You made a bad mistake back there and you need to own that (which is completely different than blame, by the way). But that isn't the worst of it, you have been compounding it ever since. And your husband is doing the very same thing. He is compounding his inability to forgive you by indulging in punishing you, regardless of what a terrible thing that does to his child. He is responsible for that, not you. You both are letting this malignancy in your relationship grow from different sides until it spilled into other things - like your ability to work, which is pretty critical stuff!

Now it sounds like one big problem all wrapped together. The only way out is for you to take responsibility for you, your husband needs to take responsibility for himself and you both, together or divorced, teach your child to take responsibility for himself.

YOU are the problem to you, which is actually good news because you can change you. If you don't know how to do that, seek help anywhere you can find it - solid LONGTERM help like a counselor or minister. You need a total attitude makeover and then the motivation to seperate and tackle the problems you have created, one at a time, in the order of their importance.

This is all very solvable and you owe it to yourself to solve it. Don't delay more than you have already, DON'T listen to your own excuses, don't give up five minutes before relief begins to happen.

Thank you for posting and let us know what you find out about turning up some help, okay?

talaniman

I agree with Krs as I can't see being miserable in a marriage for ten years and not doing something about it. By now you already know that cheating is NOT the answer and only made things worse! I think a counselor can help but there is a lot of work to be done and decisions to be made to change your current situation. You both working is a must, but regardless of what he does work on yourself and get yourself together and what comes next can be made from a fresh and healthy perspective!

Wildcat21

You have to get out of the situation if you don't love him. It would be good for him as well - give him the kick in the teeth he needs.

The cheating was reaction to your relationship with him - no coummication, lot of break downs.

You should end this.

phillysteakandcheese

The marrige is over.

You've stayed in this relationship only because it is comfortable. You have an unhappy life, but you know it well and can tolerate it. You've stayed in this rut for 10 years because you are too scared of the unknown, too scared to be on your own, too scared of what might happen with your son...

Your husband keeps bringing up your cheating because it is unresolved for him. He probably feels emasculated, and shames he couldn't keep his family together. He may also no longer trust you, or even "love" you in a healthy way.

You have to get over your fear and make changes happen for yourself.
You will be surprised at how good life can be...

s_cianci

You say that he's been very mean to you ever since he found out that you cheated. How did he treat you before you cheated? You don't seem to indicate that his behavior contributed in any way to your cheating with this "old friend" as you describe it. If that's the case, then he's no doubt hurt and angry by it and justifiably so. Granted he should find a more constructive way of dealing with it than just calling you a ***** and a slut. Have you asked for his forgiveness and assured him that it won't happen again? It sounds like you may need to swallow your pride, admit to him that what you did was wrong, ask his forgiveness and don't let it happen again. Once you've done all that, then the ball's in his court. Hopefully he's not the type to bear a grudge. If he is then the two of you might not have a future together, unfortunately. At least you'll have come clean either way so you'll be able to have a clear conscience.

zeepakz

You are really in a difficult situation. Are you married or just in a relationship? Your situation and name seems familiar to me. What nationality are you? I am looking for a certain chiquette and your situation rings a bell to me.