How do I get the spark back?

Here's what to do: Get busy with your own life. Volunteer somewhere (hospital, animal shelter, library), join a book discussion group, take a cooking class, take up a new hobby, go to a nearby community college to pick up some classes in subjects you want to know more about.

Stop riding him about the porn and no sex and ignoring you. Give him a peck on the cheek as you go out the door to your next adventure and let him enjoy his time alone. Try that for a month or two, then let us know what's happening--how you're feeling about life.

How much time do you spend together when you aren't working/at school? How well do you communicate about other aspects of the relationship?

I think you need to follow Wondergirl's advice and make certain you have interests and things to do (not work or other obligations such as college) that give you time away from each other.

Do the two of you go out together? Do you still 'date'? If you don't, ask him out. 'Dating' shouldn't end just because you are living together.

How well do you communicate with each other about sex? I don't mean frequency. I mean fantasies, likes, dislikes, positions, toys, sharing erotica (including porn), etc. Do you flirt and tease each other when neither of you is expecting sex?

Look at how much emphasis you are putting on sex. Are you wanting it because it feels good and you want to have fun with him or are you pursuing it as a way to affirm he cares about you and wants you? If you think he feels like it is a 'chore', how do you really feel about it?

You've tried talking to him about how you feel. Try backing off (pressure to have sex can be one of the biggest limiters) for a few weeks. Then before bringing up emotions, share your observations on the relationship and sex. Ask him what he thinks. Ask him if he remembers when the last time he initiated a kiss or sex was. Ask him to think about the relationship and what he needs in it. Ask him if his needs are being met. Share your needs. If he is making you feel 'stupid' for trying to communicate, then tell him that he may not mean to but he is adding to the issues. Listen to each other and see if together you can find ways to improve the relationship. If you can't, then you have to decide if this is the relationship you want to be in.

If it isn't enjoyable for you, definitely back off and do things that are.

I am busy with my life I work 12 hours 4 days a week go to school and am a mother to a very active 6 year old. I think I am pretty busy but if you think me becoming more busy with my life will help with our intimacy issues, ok. But its not just about sex its the whole thing kissing, and holding each other, being comforted and feeling safe. I know what I am and also what I am worth and I dont need ANYONE validating me. But whats the point of having a man here that doesnt pay me ANY attention in or out the bedroom unless its convienient for him. I love him and I dont want to walk away, but Im feeling very LONELY!

I have backed off and I haven't said anything, and I have suggested lets go out and have a date night because thats something we have not done. We do have a communication problem and its hard to talk sometimes but I still try. But I hear what you both are saying and I thank you for the advice.

Dump the jerk. He has found watching porn and masturbating easier than spending intimate time with you. Would you stay if he were an alcoholic or a drug addict? Probably not, so why stay with someone who is addicted to porn?

I don't think this is about sex. Why don't you feel safe?

He doesnt comfort me when Im sad, calm me down when Im angry or stressed. When I ask him to lay with me or watch a movie he feels as if I am telling hiw what to do so he wont.I have tried everything, At this point I dont know what else to do other than walk away!!!!

I think you have the right answer for the wrong reason.

I think he has fallen out of love with you. I think you have almost done the same with him. I also firmly believe that you're together because it is better than being alone.

It really sounds like he is emotionally abusing you. Not bad but it is still there. I think for your sanity and emotional stability you should cut your loses because I don't think it is going to get any better, and you deserve better.

Sometimes people put "us" in a position where we walk away ... and they don't have to.

Maybe he wants out and so he's pushing you to make the first move.

Applause and a helpful for Cravenmorhead.

I have recently been laid off and so Im home alot more than normal. He tells me that when I kiss on him every 20 mins Im being clingy and needy. Im a very affectionate person, Thats how I show I care. I dont know how to be any other way. I admit that sometimes I can be an attention hog, but there has to be a happy medium. I havent fallen out of love, but I do feel as if he has and instead of being homest he is emotionally detaching hisself from me and its driving me freaking crazy. Its bad enough to be stressed about bills, but then Im tense cuz we barely have interaction. If I dont speak to him he will walk around as if I dont even exist. He is not a bad guy at all but if you love someone you are willing to go above and beyond to keep them happy. I dont know if I can walk away