Hey guys,


Last week my girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me. I was completely blindsided by it. We're in a long-distance relationship, but would have been out of one soon. Her reasoning is complicated, but basically she says that she feels like for the past 3.5 years she's been always making her decisions based upon me and what would make me happiest, and she needs to learn how to be independent and make decisions for her.

Of course I don't agree with that because I don't think this is the way to make things work. I wanted to continue to be with her to show her that I can help her with this but she says no. I asked her to give it one more shot and if she still feels this way at the end of the year, then I won't say a word. But still no. I drove 6 hours through the pouring rain to see her and try to change her mind, but nothing.

I know she's telling me the truth and I know there's no other guy. She would tell me if there was because as much as that would hurt, it would almost make things easier in a way.

I told her that she could walk the world and date a million guys and still not know if I was the one. I told her I wasn't sure if she was the one for me either (which is true), but that we had a rare opportunity. I'll admit that I haven't been the best boyfriend lately. I certainly haven't made her priority #1, and this isn't the first time I've done that -- not even close. But if we got back together now, and, knowing what I know now, I still drifted back into those old patterns, then we would know for certain that this wasn't going to work as is. But she said she couldn't do that, and believe me, I asked plenty of times.

What's so upsetting is that she claims she still loves me. She claims she wants this to all work out for us in the end, and that if we're meant to be, fate will decide it. But I don't believe in fate. I believe you can change things. And though she's clearly not ready for any relationship right now, I am. I want to need someone and be needed in return. I thought she could be that person. I honestly thought that she was the person I would be with for the rest of my life. I saw her last night and got her honest opinion in person for the first time. She told me one thing that she hadn't before: She said she still loved me with all her heart, but she didn't know if she was still in love with me or not.

She'll be home in a month, and I will too. I'm not going to wait for her because I owe it to myself not to, but on the same token, I desperately want things to somehow work out when she comes home. I feel like if it doesn't happen then, it never will, because we'll only drift farther apart and we may never live in the same city again.

My question is, I know she still loves me, but how do I make her miss me? She said she still wants to call me and IM me and talk to me, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do that... it'll hurt too much. I don't want to be too familiar, because then her attitude may never change. But I also don't want to block her out, because I feel like that's almost like asking her to drift away. And I don't want to breed a false sense of jealousy or anything like that... I'm just not that type of guy. But I don't know what to do. I would do anything to get her back, and to show her just how much I could love her. Please help.