How Do I FORGIVE him?

chickneedshelp · #1 Nov 6, 2005, 03:31 PM

My ex-boyfriend told my parents I was gay the night I broke up with him.
They had NO clue I was anything but straight.
I gave him the excuse that I was gay but really I have had no lesbian experience at all (I am 20). I broke up with him because he has a serious health issue which I now have found out is fixable, also because I was Extremely attracted to another Girl at my new job, and finally I broke up with him because we had a bad arguement about his health.

We were together for 1 1/2 years and they were the best months of my life. We never even fought for the 1 1/2 years, ever, except for the health thing. We got along so well.

How in the world do I just forgive him for telling my parents "I'm gay" when they had no clue that I'm anything but straight? My mom and dad both look at me different and my mom is not accepting at all. I am really attracted to this girl at work and have told him I am trying to date her which really hurt him. I want to talk to him again but is what he did, "outing me before I was ready", too bad to be forgiven. He is dying without me but he did a very very awful thing. He also said he was seeing someone new just to keep his mind off me which pisses me off but I guess I kinda left him for someone else too. I can't call him cuz he got a new phone number. I don't want to just let him off easy for what he did; How Do I Forgive him?

jeffatl · Nov 6, 2005, 06:38 PM

This sounds familiar to me.....didnt a guy post something like this a while back? I say just move on, if you cant deal with his "health issues" why go back?

fredg · Nov 7, 2005, 03:35 AM

Hi, Chick,
Welcome to this site, and thank you for posting a question here. I am sure you will get a lot of answers to think about.
Just so you will be able to know where I am coming from, I am 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs (second marriage), and was in college at 20 yrs old.
Honesty is the best policy; old saying. When you told him your were gay (for whatever reason), you opened the door for all kinds of things. I'm sure you weren't thinking about what might happen when you said that; like him telling your parents, him telling other friends, those friends telling others, and on and one.
I have made more than my share of mistakes in my life so far, and this definitely was a BIG one you made! I know that you are aware of that now.
I wouldn't be that concerned about your parents right now, becuase in time, they will know you are not. They will eventually believe you are not.
As far as your boyfriend seeing another girl, he has a definite right to do so, since you said you are gay!
It all comes down to one thing; that is, will he forgive you? He was wrong in telling your parents, because it wasn't none of his business to do so, except get back at you.
The only thing you can do now is to hope things will work out between you two, if you want them to. If not, then please start meeting new people, making new friends, and learn from these mistakes.
I do sincerely wish you the best, and hope it will work out OK. Give it some time.

chickneedshelp · Nov 7, 2005, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi, Chick,
Welcome to this site, and thank you for posting a question here. I am sure you will get a lot of answers to think about.
Just so you will be able to know where I am coming from, I am 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs (second marriage), and was in college at 20 yrs old.
Honesty is the best policy; old saying. When you told him your were gay (for whatever reason), you opened the door for all kinds of things. I'm sure you weren't thinking about what might happen when you said that; like him telling your parents, him telling other friends, those friends telling others, and on and one.
I have made more than my share of mistakes in my life so far, and this definitely was a BIG one you made! I know that you are aware of that now.
I wouldn't be that concerned about your parents right now, becuase in time, they will know you are not. They will eventually believe you are not.
As far as your boyfriend seeing another girl, he has a definite right to do so, since you said you are gay!
It all comes down to one thing; that is, will he forgive you? He was wrong in telling your parents, because it wasn't none of his business to do so, except get back at you.
The only thing you can do now is to hope things will work out between you two, if you want them to. If not, then please start meeting new people, making new friends, and learn from these mistakes.
I do sincerely wish you the best, and hope it will work out OK. Give it some time.

Thanks Fred!! One thing I did tell him which I beleived was that I wasn't happy anymore with how I acted around my family. When I wasn't with him I was mean to them so when I broke up with him I told them he was making me unhappy so that's why I was mean. The last time I saw him I told him I never wanted to see him again and he asked for one last hug and I walked away. Is it wrong to think that "If I get hurt one time in a relationship then it's over"? thanks again

Katiy · Nov 15, 2005, 01:18 AM

Good luck! You are going to be needing it. The short term rebellion you are creating for yourself is going to have long term effects.

chickneedshelp · Nov 15, 2005, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katiy

Good luck! You are going to be needing it. The short term rebellion you are creating for yourself is going to have long term effects.

What long term effects? Do you mean my sexuality or me losing him?
Please explain.



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