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two years ago i met this girl with two kids we hit off real good for the first year.now all the sudden she sleeps on the couch by herself and not in her bed with me.she says it is not me its is her.she was drinking everynite at first thenwanted to have sex all the time.i dont think she ever been sober to make love to me.i wanna make this work but im not sure now.i feel like to get out of her house but then again remember the kids they have a crack head father which i know they love me but i know it would hurt them as well which im worried about.ive try many times to talk to her of this but she says im over tend about things.and it is all in my head she says she inlove with me but for real why she sleep alone and not with me like normal couples.please help me to uinderstand this situation.
Are you ready for the point of view of a woman who loves nothing more than to lay in the bed next to her man every night? My hunch would be that she is sleeping with someone else. The children, although you love them, although you have grown attached to them, you must remember, these are not your children and they are not your responsibility. I feel for them, they have a drug abuser as a father and an alchol abuser as a mother. If this is going to work out, then it is going to take commitment, and agreement from the both of you. If you are the only one who wants to make it work then you will be better off packing your bags now. If the only way that she will have sex with you is if she is intoxicated that's not saying a whole lot about the way that she feels for you. I hate to see good men like you being taken advantage of. I think that you should move out now. If you want to continue to see her then that is alright but you must make other living arrangements.
Good Luck.
I agree with pretty much what letmeno said above (but I hope it is something silly like "snoring," or the bed is too small, etc.).
BTW, how frequently is she doing that anyway? If it is every night, you got a problem to resolve, one way or another. If it is several nights a week, it may just not be a big problem.
First not all couples sleep together for all sorts of various reason, majority yes they do, but not "ALL"
Now let us look at it.
1 Drinks all the time
2. relationship is based mostly on sexual activity first year
are both of you still drinking all the time?
are you having sex regularly ( at least two or three times a week)
Have something changed with one or two of you, more commitment, job, partying or drinking??
Often when couples merely move in together based on sexaul conduct and lots of party they soon grow apart or lose interest.
Issues, kids living in a household of adults that are always drinking, are being subjected to a bad situation anyway.
You are not thier father and no matter what you want, you can not make a relationship work for very long "just for the kids" esp if they are not your kids.
Both of you get help for the drinking, then get relationship help if you want to make it work,
I have to agree with chuck on this one. Especially about when couples get together based on sex and partying habits. This is not what a relationship should be based upon. What do you think will happen to the both of you when it is time to handle real life situations such as jobs, bills, child rearing etc.?
Hi,
Your girlfriend might have a drinking problem, not sure, but something to think about.
Why don't you give yourself, and her, and the kids, a break?
I agree with the others; Move out.
Find yourself another place to live. Let things cool off some, and eventually, if this is really meant to be between you and her, you will get back together.
Remember, you are not the kids' father, and you are not married to her.
Give her a chance to decide what she wants, and you, too.
If you both really love each other, then a "separation" from each other for awhile will only make your love grow stronger. But, if your relationship is not really love, then you need to find that out also. If you really love those children, get away for awhile, and see what happens.
Yes - move out. She has to has clue as to why. She forced this - something is wrong.
WHY wont women communicate what's wrong. It must be something serious for her not to lay next you. WHY haven;t you seriously talked about this? AND why haven't you helped her get help with her drinking?
You need to seriously sitting down with her talk. She MUST have something to say. Ask if there is another guy.
Women don't really communicate with the guy in their life because most men's ego wouldn't be able to handle the truth in the raw and uncut form. "Hey, the reason why I don't sleep next to you every night is because it's not really you that I would rather be sleeping next to, it's someone else." I'm not a guy and it still stings just to think about hearing something like that. I don't think that she is really into him anymore. I think when she sober's up and is faced with real life and adult desicions she maybe see's him and her relationship in a whole new light. What ever the case may be, I don't think I could handle living under the same roof with someone for one night if they didn't want me, much less night after night. That has to be torture.
two years ago i met this girl with two kids we hit off real good for the first year.now all the sudden she sleeps on the couch by herself and not in her bed with me.she says it is not me its is her.she was drinking everynite at first thenwanted to have sex all the time.i dont think she ever been sober to make love to me.i wanna make this work but im not sure now.i feel like to get out of her house but then again remember the kids they have a crack head father which i know they love me but i know it would hurt them as well which im worried about.ive try many times to talk to her of this but she says im over tend about things.and it is all in my head she says she inlove with me but for real why she sleep alone and not with me like normal couples.please help me to uinderstand this situation.
What I read into this is that she has no self-respect whatsoever. The father is a crack head, she drinks, and has to be high to have sex - that is an underlying problem from way back, maybe even abuse. But mainly she feels not worthy of anything, and if you are just a little bit nice (and probably said 'I love you' at least once), she's not used to this and can't handle it and does not feel worthy. It sounds as if she has lived with pain, humiliation, and maybe even abuse all her life and expects this to be the norm. She needs a talking to by you and/or a professional and get to feel that she has a right to be happy and not just 'used' for the rest of her life. Believe me, taking that 'kick me' sign off the back for everyone to see and do, takes a long healing process. If you care for her, you'll help her take that sign off. This is a pattern that many of us have lived with until we either do the suicide bit fast, or slow by alcohol and/or other damage to oneself. Get professional advice if needed and help her out of this, not just for the kids, but for her too. You sound like the right person to do the job and it's a hard long road, and you already took the first step - good for you. Good Luck.
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