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    hunnae's Avatar
    hunnae Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 30, 2010, 12:58 PM
    How do I deal with my crazy ex-boyfriend?
    We only dated about 8 weeks, but were pretty serious. Things and feelings changed on my part and as that 8 weeks went on he would try to control me, tell me he didn't want me going to school in fear I may meet someone better, or get a better job or do anything really for fear I may find bigger and better things. I broke it off over two months ago. He calls, leaves voice mails, text messages. I have told him over and over again it is over to please leave me alone. I have ignored him. He stalks me and my friends. He shows up places then I have to leave. He contacts friends. He is verbally abusive then apologetic - not that it matters. What do I do? Isn't this some type of harassment? I am always afraid he is going to be waiting for me somewhere and something might happen. I am only 28 and only about 120 lbs. I am not so big. I don't know, I am sick of the fighting...
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
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    #2

    Aug 30, 2010, 01:26 PM

    There is only one thing you can do... YOU GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM just as fast as is humanly possible.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #3

    Aug 30, 2010, 01:38 PM

    Ya it's harassment. You really need to get a restraining order pronto. But, the reality is the restraining order works if they guy cares about being arrested. I'm sure most know already, but if not, tell all your friends about this lunatic so they can be ready to help you out whenever and wherever.

    My aunt's life was recently saved by her best friend. Her crazy ex-boyfriend who she had a restraining order on, shot at her as they were driving. Friends are good people to have in your life.
    hunnae's Avatar
    hunnae Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 30, 2010, 01:54 PM

    Are his actions worthy of a restraining order? Will I need to bring any sort of evidence? Or do I go to the police and say - he is harassing me and I am afraid... I live by myself. My family is semi-close by. They and my friends are aware of my situation. I've been dating someone new and he is aware - but I am very scared that my ex-boyfriend is ready to do something crazy. He's the "if I can't have you then no one can" type man. When I was 17 I was raped... went through years of counceling and the guy went to prison for ten years - so I am not a sissy or anything - but god forbid this guy got me alone - I am nervous as to what he may do... opinions on the restraining order?
    lickemlolly's Avatar
    lickemlolly Posts: 397, Reputation: 62
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    #5

    Aug 30, 2010, 09:47 PM
    Yes!! Get a restraining order!! And some pepper spray might not be a bad idea either... they sell the kind that you can put on your keychain so you can have it wherever you go.. I have a pink one on my keychain... just a matter of a flick of a button and spray...
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #6

    Aug 30, 2010, 09:59 PM
    What he is doing is Cyber-Stalking and there are laws against it. Document every call and if he has left messages on your answering machine or voice mail save them. Save texting, emails and letters.
    Take them to the Police when you go. Good Luck.:)
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #7

    Aug 30, 2010, 10:23 PM

    Yes, call the police if you haven't already. That's all criminal behavior.

    Also tell everyone else what's going on & that's what you are doing. Make sure you aren't alone. Stay with family or friends if you have to. Keep everyone updated, have them stay in close contact.

    Don't write this off.
    You're safety comes first.
    hunnae's Avatar
    hunnae Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 31, 2010, 01:13 PM

    thanks everyone - I got everything together and am going to the PD after work today =) I'll keep you updated... he has only gotten worse even since yesterday...
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #9

    Aug 31, 2010, 01:32 PM
    Good for you and good luck!
    Just Looking's Avatar
    Just Looking Posts: 1,610, Reputation: 480
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    #10

    Aug 31, 2010, 01:49 PM

    Yes, good luck. I went through this process a year ago. I know how dangerous and scary it can be. Let us know how it goes.

    Get the restraining order, but know that it doesn't necessarily provide protection. There are a lot of things you can do to protect yourself better, but the most important thing is to keep your eyes open and listen to your gut. Make sure for now that you are with friends or family. Keep your eyes open at all times to see if he is around. For now, avoid places where he knows he can find you. Get an escort to and from your car at work or school. Hopefully he just needs a chance to cool off, but you just never know. Be careful.
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