while i was growing up, i wasnt allowed to do anything. i wasnt able to stay after school, go out with friends, talk on the phone, or even go out in the yard by self when i was 16. my mother was epileptic and the person shes married to was abusive to me and my mother. regardless,i finally reported them to cps and got out of the house. Now im 19 and im living with my fiance. The only thing is i find myself putting restraints on him like my "mother" and her husband used to do. example: i wont let him talk to any girls, go out with his friends without me there. i check his email, his aim has the logging on it and i can go on forever. ive explained to him as best as i could why i do these things and he seems to understand and lets me do whatever i feel the need to do. its just while i think i know why im doing it. i just dont know how to stop doing it... and as okay as my fiance seems about this i know he thinks i dont trust him

jbaby3306

i sneeze funny is right about my fiance. i cant/wouldnt leave him since hes been there for me through most if not all of this. some of which while it was still occuring. and he understand a lot of what i say/do. i think a counselor or a psychologist is a good idea though it seems like one of those things i say im going to do and just dont get "around to". though im sure everyone knows what i mean when i say that. though im not sure if my fiance would even be able to go since hes busy a lot with work. ( works from home but works longgggg hours and his hours arent set) so that might be a little difficult. were actually also in the process of moving... but guess ill basically play it by ear. but has anyone gone through a similar thing where they know why there doing something but cant change it

cerisa

Jbaby, he will resent you eventually. What if it happens after you have started a family?
Wouldn't it wreck childrens lives too? Another generation messed up. Do get into therapy, find a good therapist and work through your insecurities.

talaniman

He is understanding now, but you can bet he will be tired of your actions and then it will be to late to work on yourself. So keep making excuses why you can't deal with your issues. If he wrote this forum as you have, my advice would be to leave you alone, until you worked on your issues. I would then tell him, not to wait for you to figure it out, but to get a life that makes him happy without you. So you keep making excuses for yourself, knowing how miserable you may be making this understanding man.

jbaby3306

i wasnt making excuses, i was simply saying that time will b an issue since for us theres actually a lot of things going on. ie moving working college etcccccccccc

ISneezeFunny

my ex from freshmen year of college sorta went through the same thing...not nearly as intense, but she would check my AIM, my phone, things of that nature. it didn't really bother me as much because i had nothing to be afraid of...i wasn't talking to anyone she didn't already know.

it got a bit weird when she would wake me up in the middle of the night, and while i was still groggy, ask me what her name was (so that if i called her by the wrong name, she would know that i sleep with other people). of course, half the time, i would just mumble and grumble and go back to sleep.

everyone here's right...he's ok with it now, but it will get tiredsome. it will hit him the most when he makes a new friend or meets a new co-worker or anything of that sort, and you won't trust him.

go do something about it soon. he seems like a good guy.