How to deal with "mixed messages"

Well, you've got to learn to draw the line between normal friendly talk, and signs.

Check with any of your other friends, how many sms's do you get a day from them? Are they the same?

The best and sure way is to ask her yourself. Or ask her friends if you aren't up to it. Just approach her friend, ask for confidency, then ask what she has been saying about you.

If she has been hitting on you and showing signs, then take it further!

Good Luck!

The trouble is you are trying to base your decisions and actions on her feelings which appear to be running hot and cold. The thing mature people do is base their actions on their own feelings and let the other people do likewise. End of roller coaster ride... Unless, of course, you prefer the ride. Its called personal integrity-- where what you think and feel matches your actions.

Incongruent people either:
1. Know the truth and are playing games (manipulation, control, tactics, etc.)
2. Not telling the truth out of not knowing it from immaturity
3. Have something (like an addiction, illness, etc) messing it up.

(and I am happy to hear about the three weeks too -- keep coming back!)

It depends on your definition of relationship. She can not want a "relationship" and still miss you and think of you. When you date someone, you miss them, think of them, enjoy them without committing to a higher level of commitment..being a relationship. Dating is the process of getting to know someone, then you see if you want to get more involved. It is ok to date more than one person as long as you are upfront with all involved. Too often someone dates, the next day they are in a relationship and they haven't a clue if they will like this person once they get to know them.

As long as she is not asking you to not date others, I do not think she is playing you by saying those things.

Jeff, YOU make the rules and set the boundries of what you'll put up with. That is a ball you keep in your court. One of the reasons you go slow in the first place is that time reveals all truth. Nine times out of ten if you take your time and get to know someone, you find they are not as attractive as you thought. Since their is no commitment your free to move about as you please. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your feelings honestly as you have a right to question and disagree with whatever makes you uncomfortable. You can answer with silence or with words YOUR choice. Right now she is probing your defenses, And never doubt that she is very capable of reading you, so stand strong for yourself. YOU set the pace here not her.

Just be cool about this - you sound all geeked up again.

I personal recommend not returning the text messages....play hard to get.

But you sound all geeked up agan....that very slow if you want her back.

Until the mixed messages stop, it's likely that she will screw with you. Probably the best thing for you to do is to go along with her but with a grain of salt. Don't set your hopes too high or you will probably set yourself up for a big letdown. It doesn't seem like she's very sincere or she wouldn't be sending you all of these mixed messages. You already know the rest of the scoop ; don't pin too much importance on her, don't be too available to her, be busy and have a life (including other dates), etc. Right now she doesn't sound like very viable girlfriend material. However, once she sees how independent you are she may clean up her act. If she doesn't, that's your cue to scratch her off the list, at least as far as considering her a serious prospect.

Jeff,

As far as the new girl that doesn't measure up, as long as she knows its only a casual thing, its cool, but don't lead her on in any way or form. Personally, I would not choose to date someone who just didn't light me up.

Women tend to send confusing signals on a daily basis...I know it makes you want to rip your gorgeous hair right out from the roots, we don't mean any harm...

However, I don't think Cali is doing this accidentally, I think she has a purpose, to keep you at the distance she feels most comfortable with. Having you around, but not so close that you interfere with her daily life. Not good. She's testing your waters my dear, sound familiar? Don't allow it. You need your sanity right now and you can't afford to spare any time chasing or even responding to that silly goose right now. You need to focus on you now, not worry about what she's doing or why. I know you REALLY like her, and I'm not telling you not to have emotions for her, I'm just suggesting that you don't act on them, at least not any time soon. She should know that you are focusing on #1 right now and don't have time for games.
It's nice that she came to see you on your birthday and that she was all up on getting your attention (BTW, Happy b-day! Yeah shoulda told me!...) but don't let those actions play with you, keep focused and have a very good memory of what happened. This time is crucial right now, you can't get twisted and take the chance that you may fall off your sobriety wagon...she's not worth it, no one is.

I'm not trying to get down on you or too serious, you are just too important to me, to us, to not say these things to you. So, just to prove that I love a good laugh just like anyone else...I'm posting a little something for you in honor of your dilemna to lighten things up...

With Love,
M3


WORDS WOMEN USE


FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five
minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game
before helping around the house.


NOTHING
this is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should
be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverba l statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're
welcome.


Oh, and before we forget
"Whatever"
...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

All the above advice Jeff is great. Awesome stuff.

Im just concerned that you aren't concentrating on No. 1 here mate. Looking after YOU!

You made the decision remember that YOU were going to look after YOU for a while. I just hope you aren't losing focus and falling back into a situation that might lead you to more pain when you aren't ready for it.

Its about YOU man, NOT her, YOU!

I think my problem is I'm just to darn stubborn to let things go. Its not that I'm "clingy" or anything, its just I can NEVER accept failure..........I am so used to making things work out in my favor, that its hard to let things not go my way. I have dealt with this situation by not really dealing with it at all..............and that's HARD for me. She still contacts me, but I just TRY and blow it off because she is so hot and cold its FRUSTRATING. I think a lot has to do with her best friend. I am good friends with her too, but she is just so damn negative twards everything, and I think controls a lot of what she does. It really sucks for the BOTh of them though...............I feel bad for them. I start school back next Monday, so there should be PLENTY of girls for me to meet this semester, I'm pretty stoked about it! Side note: I'm doing great with the sobriety thing, no drinks for about 3 weeks now, and I feel a lot happier. I'm learning to deal with let downs, and know that things will go my way sooner or later. I just need to stop trying to force things to happen................THANKS!