How to communicate better with Man

Sweets1001 · #1 Mar 5, 2008, 01:54 AM

My boyfriend and I have horrible communication problems. Ever since we got together I knew that I would have problems later cuz at the time he was living in a different town and when he was in town, I would dismiss any sort issue because I wanted everything to be good when he was here and not get into any sort of fight. At one point I thought I was in control and that I was strong enough to let things slide until I could be around him more. Now he lives here and he has lived here for about a year and half and nothing has changed. If we do get into an argument its usually about something really stupid like how something was said or if I don't answer him fast enough nothing to major, but it always ends up with me getting my feelings hurt so bad by the things he says that I can't even imagine being with him anymore. Its like he thinks something bad about me and then won't let it come out till he is so angry with me. After we fight (and usually go our separate ways) he will call a couple hours later and act like nothing happened like hey what are you doing?-do you want to come over and hang out? and I just come over and most of the time (not always) never discuss what happened. That not all that I have been stressing over but it helps to get something out. Please give me a little insight on how to be better at communicating and helping others to communicate better to me.

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 02:00 AM

Just to get a start here, how old are you and how old is your boyfriend?

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 02:14 AM

I am 24 and he is too.

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 02:16 AM

How long have you been going out with him?

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 02:17 AM

We've been together 2 years 3 months. I've know him since kindergarten.

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 02:22 AM

That's a long time! Do you enjoy the times that you have together? Or, do you find that you need to be someone whom you are not in order to get along with him? Is this a person whom you really want to be with? Sorry about all of the questions! Just trying to get some kind of bearing on things here.

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 02:30 AM

Oh the questions are ok I don't get to talk to anyone really about my relationship so go ahead. I do enjoy the time I spend with him and I think that he does too, but sometimes we both seem like we are so distant from each other like maybe there is something to discuss but we both don't know how. Sometimes I do feel like I need to be someone else around him like "the perfect girl", I am always wanting to make him happy even if it doesn't make me happy.

kielty · Mar 5, 2008, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweets1001

My boyfriend and I have horrible communication problems. Ever since we got together I knew that I would have problems later cuz at the time he was living in a different town and when he was in town, I would dismiss any sort issue because I wanted everything to be good when he was here and not get into any sort of fight. At one point I thought I was in control and that I was strong enough to let things slide until I could be around him more. Now he lives here and he has lived here for about a year and half and nothing has changed. If we do get into an argument its usually about something really stupid like how something was said or if I don't answer him fast enough nothing to major, but it always ends up with me getting my feelings hurt so bad by the things he says that I can't even imagine being with him anymore. Its like he thinks something bad about me and then won't let it come out till he is so angry with me. After we fight (and usually go our separate ways) he will call a couple hours later and act like nothing happened like hey what are you doing?-do you want to come over and hang out? and I just come over and most of the time (not always) never discuss what happened. That not all that I have been stressing over but it helps to get something out. Please give me a little insight on how to be better at communicating and helping others to communicate better to me.

Dont get involved in negative relationships - you're asking to be punished. If someone cant relate to you openly, clearly and with understanding they're simply neurotic and you cant do anything about that: its their job to work on themselves. So just walk away and be open to the next real-ationship?

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 02:35 AM

Do you ever have times with him when both of you can just "let it all out" and "put your cards on the table" as to the way that you both feel about things?

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 02:36 AM



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