me and my boyfriend keeps fighting and he says it's because of the way i speak to him and my attitude im wondering how to change and im sceared of loosing him i also have a bad agressive side to me and i let thing's bother me with i just want to know how to change the way i am or what to do about it

peggyhill

Try to identify the situations that make you lose your cool. Then, make up a plan for when the situation happens. For example, let's say he loves to play video games and you don't. Let's say that it makes you mad when he plays them when you guys are spending time together. So, you make a plan to keep from losing your cool when it happens. You might plan to go watch TV in the other room, or to say, "Hey, after you do this for a while, let's go listen to this new CD" or something like that. Figure out what it is that makes you mad, and then figure out how to express your feelings without your temper coming out. The good thing is that you want to make the relationship work and you want to change your actions. Knowing that you need to change, and being willing to, are the first two steps! You could try talking to a counselor. My fiancee and I are going to pre-marital counseling right now. It really has helped us deal with day-to-day situations that come up between us. If you don't want to pay for it, see if you two can meet with a pastor, rabbi, or other religious leader of your choice. These people always have couples coming to them for advice, and they can often have really good suggestions. One thing that has helped me is this: When I am going to tell my fiancee something he did that bothered me, instead of saying "You jerk! How could you leave the dog in all night? You are such an idiot!" , I'll say something like "I"m sure you didn't mean to forget. But when you forget, it makes me feel sad. I feel sad and angry because I had to clean up a mess. What will help us remember so that I don't feel this way in the future?" The first way it sounds like I am attacking him, but the second way, I'm just letting him know how I feel, and asking him what we should go so that I don't feel that way again. Tell him about your feelings, instead of attacking him verbally. I hope this helps!

statictable

Our attitude can be a reflection of our environment, our age, our friends, how we feel about ourselves and so on. To change a negative attitude requires more than just a boyfriend you want to get along with. Sometimes our attitude/s change after we feel pain from a break-up. Some people never change no mater how much pain they go through. When your hurting enough you'll find a way to really start to make some changes and it takes time. Good luck.

wackymb

I agree. Don't yell at him. It only makes them more angry. I should know. Me and my husband have been married for 5 years and have fought most of the time. I know it's because of me. Just go to another room and do something or go out for a drive. What ever will help you keep your cool. I know that it's hard sometimes but, if you want to save this relationship, you will do something not to stay there and fight. Find yourself a hobby or something. Believe me I know how you feel. I think I may have some depression also. Maybe there is something in your life or was in your life that made you depressed. I just came to realize that most of my behavior is from my mom. She was horrible to live with. She has rubbed off on me a lot. And I don't like it. Just try to change some. Some guys need to be yelled at though, right? I think so. Anyways, hope things work out.