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I submitted it in wrong topic first, I am sos sorry! It will not be repeted.
I have a problem, that I know I simply should drop, but it hurts me a lot that I could have made such a bad thing to someone. I really need to know, if there is some chance for this man to ever forgive me.
My first relationship I was forbidden, and I had it with my lecturer second year at university.
I was very conservative, virgin (which I technically remained, but not really) and after his flirting during the lectures, I really fell inlove with him.
As fast as the course ended, he started to invite me out, I though we were going to have a relationship, "I would never have anything serious with you HAHAHA not a chance!", so we only had an affair (he is this type of guy) we continued meeting a while, then stopped, he humiliated me a very lot as a student (about how bad I was, and started to interfer with my other courses), I lost motivation, then I got another boyfriend, he started writing to me again, I started to panique, the teacher also harrassed a female student sexually, I got even more hurt by that (I always though he had bad conscience because of me, but apparently not), etc-etc, well this guy was not the kind of lecturer one should have.
I got into a very deep panique when I had my boyfriend in Canada, and this man wanted to meet me again, he liked me, and suddenly got serious. I really felt so tempted, that I could not think of anything than this problem, who should I chose? I knew the asnwer-- the "good" boy, and not hurt him, but the panique did that I needed to talk to someone. I haven't passed a single course on the department since I had an affair with him, and everything was going to hell. For this we have certain persons to talk to at the faculty, in case any student just needs to talk...
This person unfortunately called the chairman of the department, I was called in to confirm, they were completely shocked, and told my ex and exlecturer, to never again have affairs with students due to ethics. They also told him never again to contact me.
I suffer so much...I know he was very mean, but I didn't want to sell him this way.
I know he abused his academical position, but still, now when he sees me, instead of smiling and waving, he turns away, takes circles just to avoid me. I have really betrayed him. And since he has no right to contact me, this I guess, also goes the other way around.
And I miss him so, so much...
Is there some way for me to do, so that he instead of hating me, simply somehow could forgive me for this? I cannot contact him...I really didn't want this conflict...
why seek his forgiveness? betrayal? how about calling it "truth"? what about calling him what he is... which is NOT a victim. he was predatory in targeting you. he played you. he knew how this would be deemed as inappropriate, or at the very least, walking the edge of approprite.
you are completely thinking wrong.
ok... you loved him, or you lusted, or whatever. you were smitten, manipulated, whatever.
you are still emotionally tied to a person who has no business being with you. it isnt love, it is unhealthy.
expect and demand more for yourself.
you didnt "do" this to him... he chose it, and you made a bad choice, then told the truth.
he should avoid you. you should not seek out a smile from him.
you are going to have to work this out of your system, or talk to someone who can help you. people make bad choices, especially when younger or inexperienced. been there, done that.
but you need to make sure you dont become a victim again... especially by choice. ive cared for, and even loved, a few women i couldnt be with due to circumstances, timing, etc. it happens. you walk away when its the right thing to do. i know one woman who has spent years and years of her adult life as a "victim" of others, when really, shes mostly a victim of her bad choices, over and over.
you need to make sure you can do that (recognize when to walk, and then do it), and your seeking his approval or forgiveness still makes me wonder if you are ok to do that.
you deserve better he abused his power he would have continued to play games He needed to be told he can not get involved and prey on vunerable people you did thr right thing by protecting yourself and others from a man like this he is a player
I don't think anyone's really the victim here, but if I did, it wouldn't be him. Get over your guilt about ratting him out. He needed it, or more to the point, his future students needed it. Let it go and take a lesson. Don't get sexually involved in unequal relationships.
As a teacher, he was not to be involved with a student. He disobeyed that. He was wrong. In fact, I am surprised he was not dismissed from his job.
You have nothing to forgive him for. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Like kp said, you made a bad choice. Learn from that and have a good life from here on.
im not saying it was right, but her being through the course makes a slight difference in perception... i agree... she was pursued, set up, manipulated, etc...and he put the dept in a bad spot... but dating a person who is no longer under your direct supervision can be interpreted differently... just as dating someone you work with, or under...
it is a really thin line... and hes lucky he still has a job.
i clarify because i actually dated a student once... she was 24, i was 28. she wasnt under my supervision or in my class. she was a returning student going for a doctoral degree. we met through a class she was in, that i would help with from time to time, but didnt teach, and later on we struck up a friendship, which later became a dating relationship for a time. this situation was known in the department, but because of my position and her maturity, it wasnt seen as inappropriate by my colleagues, though some students were miffed.
had i dated a 19 year old direct report... things would have been different in terms of dept pressure. also, a line was blurred a bit, because id been a student where i taught, and there were friends and associates in classes i taught that first year. nothing like telling a friend they failed my class, but id buy them a beer.
You did not betray him, he abused you. He over stepped the boundaries of student and teacher and you were probably not the first. So if he is pissed at you, so what, he got what he had coming and got off pretty easily.
Stop with the guilt. Look at this as a lesson learned, don't let anyone else abuse you that way again and move on
.......... Move on, college is more important than anything. It sounds like you want to be a failure in school while trying to suceed in getting his favor back, that is not a good move. if he is married leave him alone what goes around comes around.
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